Help! Anyone here know how to pass a urine test?

Everyone's trying to sell the product out there, and from what I heard most solutions don't work

Does anyone have a sure fire way to beat a urine test? I've heard of the "fake penis" method and that seems like the most fool proof, but does anyone have experience doing this"?

Always worked for me.

I spent 5 years in Jamesburg because I stopped in Jersey Bagel Boy on the way to the test.

and let's just say that I have a fully legal perscription

but I'm optimistic by nature.

Don't they ask for your list of prescriptions before the test?

All they want on the day of your test is your pee.

if in your name are not considered to be illegal, and are not reported as such in test results.

They did ask beforehand.

Which sucks.

I want to dump my own specimen on RReagan's goddamn grave right now...

Other than in the self-appointed nanny staters and wanna be Nancy Reagans on this board

I have a prescription

If you saw my MRI you'd give me a prescription too

the test?

to get clean no matter the substance. If it is THC it may not be enough if you're real heavy smoker. Even then, in my experience, I dropped a little over 100 nanograms in a week.

anything else........ what I've read shows about 90 days to be compeltely clean........cocaine, heroine, pills, etc...are out of the system in 24 hours to 2 weeks depending on substance, but weed is fat soluable (as opposed to water soluable as most other drugs are) and therefor stays much longer in the system.

Fuck drug testing. There is absolutely nothing redeemable about it.

I would rather have a stoned pilot than a society where we are watched by our employers.

Stop smoking. Now. If they do the http://www.questdiagnostics.com/employersolutions/standard_urine_testing_es.html">5 panel or 9 panel test, 3 weeks should be enough time to flush your system. Drink lots of fluids, pee a couple of times prior to going in for your test, then, when giving your specimen, don't give them the beginning or end of the stream. In the meantime, work up a vigorous sweat as often as you can between now and then. You should be fine within 21 days.

while this is good advice for someone who smokes recreationally, it won't help this poster because he needs this pot to control constant back pain caused by a herniated disk.

If you can't stop smoking, try http://www.privacypro.com/

Took 3 weeks. Get yourself some home tests from the drug store. Between now and the time YOU GET RESULTS from the test - stop. Test yourself to get a baseline, and keep testing until clean. If test day comes and you are not clean - postpone if you can.

Water, but not too much. Your urine needs to have certain things in certain ratios and too much water can mess that up and alert testers to a possible problem. B12 or a good multivitamin for color. Purposely make sure you eat enough so that your body is not burning fat (thc is fat-soluble) until after YOU GET THE RESULTS from the test.

Many folks freak, and after the test go home to de-stress and smoke out. If you get called back for a more sensitive test, this will catch you up.

Good luck - never has something so benevolent been so completely demonized.

Angel

Sorry.

They are forever testing people like janitors and bookkeepers. It has nothing to do with "safety" or "job performance"; it has to do with a lack of bargaining power in such jobs and the desire by employers to put employees "in their place."

My advice is to generally avoid positions which require drug tests (provided that such test have no real logical nexus with the job, as in the examples above.)

"Sorry."

Indeed. :hi:

An employer who requires a piss test has major trust issues. He's communicating very clearly what his management style is.

My philosophy about this is similar to my stereotype of the most heavily secured house in the neighborhood. The crookedest fucker around probably lives there.

But the OP appears strongly motivated. There will always be someone even more desperate.

"But the OP appears strongly motivated. There will always be someone even more desperate."

I always marvel in the square pegs who DEMAND a round hole be found for them, but there you are. For me, life's too short to play these sort of games.

And I need this job - two kids, mortgage, etc

At least the test is only at the beginning.

worth stopping smoking pot for?

a medical condition (for instance, glaucoma) then that's a different thing. If it's just being used recreationally, it boils down to, how badly do you want the job? If pot is more important than the job, then okay.

The thing is, we don't get to make up a new reality just because we don't like the current one.

An alcoholic who has just lost his license because of driving drunk can rant and rave all he wants but you know, the laws are the laws and if he wants his driver's license, he needs to not drive drunk, no matter how badly he would like to.

If you don't like the laws, work to change them. Until then, your choice is to either have the job and not have the pot, or have the pot and not have the job. You pick. Unless you are the one in a million who actually finds a way around the drug testing.

How is he not following the law?

"If you don't like the laws, work to change them."

hire the person, then those laws should be changed.

If the law says this discrimination is not okay, then a lawsuit is in order.

However, I don't think being a cannabis patient is a protected class either.

Little hard to change the laws while you are trying to get a job. The state does not force these companies to accept these recommendations and that is the problem, not the people who are using legally.

edit: spelling

have done raids in Missoula I read. So the states are doing one thing and the feds are saying basically "no you don't" with the patients getting caught in the crossfire.

I wish things were better than this, honestly.

There is a similar problem with opiates being so demonized that people with chronic pain (back pain, cancer pain, etc.) are being left in pain. I've gone through a whole bunch of physical pain in my life, unfortunately, and I can tell you nothing wears down the spirit more than pain and having no escape from it.

I feel sorry for this guy. The situation in the state is wrong. If these prescriptions are legal, they ought to be recognized as such.

But I'm guessing in this job climate, with so many job-seekers and so few jobs, anyone with any notable health problems won't get hired. It's not fair but that's the kind of thing going on right now.

far too much money fighting against this drug that doesn't seem to be in the same category as crack or heroin. I don't see the wisdom behind locking some kid up for decades because he was smoking a joint.

Actually Ron Paul makes sense to me on this issue. Shocking, yeah, but I find I actually agree with him on a couple of things. Weird.

Being otherwise qualified for a job and practically hired, only to be turned down last minute is horrible, especially during long term unemployment. My husband's health does not affect his work habits since it is nerve damage that is noticeable to no one but him. But I get what you're saying.

I think we are in agreement.

about nerve damage because I'm still recovering from Guillain-Barre Syndrome that struck me down two months ago. I've improved rapidly but there are some residuals and I really don't know if I will recover 100% or not. I guess I just have to wait and see.

I hope that he has found a drug or a combo of drugs that works well for his pain without bad side effects.

I understood what Taverner said about oxycodone...they gave that to me in the hospital for the severe GBS pain I had and there was no way I could ever function on that drug. It was a blessing for me at the time because it put me to sleep as well as relieving the pain somewhat (even two oxycodone didn't make the pain go away completely!) but I can't imagine trying to work or do much of anything on that stuff.

I really wish very much that we had better drugs to deal with chronic pain. I read a few years ago they had found some new substance, excreted by sea snails or some weird thing like that, don't remember exactly, but there was great excitement because it was a powerful pain reliever that did not cause any intoxication and did not cause physical dependence. I kept hoping they could get this miracle substance to market soon but I haven't heard anything about it in recent years so...maybe it didn't work out the way they hoped.

We have to get better about treating chronic pain though. Too many patients have been left in too much pain. It isn't right to punish patients just because there are drug abusers who abuse drugs.

the posts about the back pain and I understood. Anyway when I thought he was just using recreationally, I was saying, it's not worth losing a job over. But when it comes to pain - you can't live with pain like that without help. He has found something that makes it bearable and that's a good thing. I do think pot has legimate medical uses. But it has this reputation as being just a drug of abuse. That's going to be a hard thing to overcome.

I'm just thinking at this point, he should talk face-to-face with his employer and maybe the employer will have a heart and understand and hire him. I don't know. I just know I haven't ever heard of anyone successfully getting around a drug test.

He worked for a place for two months, approved by HR and then not approved by HR after all. He was laid off in the end. That was harsh.

MJ is really the only thing that works for him. Narcotics just cover up the pain and are addictive. Plus, they just make him loopy and unable to think clearly. He has been working for almost a year for a very small company. They seem less likely to test anyway.

I hope you get better.

Did you see he said he has a prescription for it? That means it's medically necessary. These companies do not honor cannabis prescriptions. I know that well.

Do you think someone who has chronic pain and is using it for such a reason, should have to live with pain for the weeks it takes to clear your system so they can pass the test?

This is a huge obstacle for some trying to get jobs and isn't just a matter of giving it up without experiencing daily issues. Why don't the state laws apply to companies operating in that state? How can one be doing something legal in their state and be denied employment. It makes no sense.

...here in Michigan you just have to go to certain doctor's offices and they
will automatically give you a prescription.


"Do you think someone who has chronic pain and is using it for such a reason, should have to live with pain for the weeks it takes to clear your system so they can pass the test?"

No, I don't think it's right, but the reality is he must do this if he wants to provide for his family. If his pain is so bad that
he can't manage 3 weeks without it it probably means he couldn't last through the day without it too.

don't even bother. You're already screwed.

The best any "cheat" will do if get you an inconclusive or trace test result and they'll shit can your application. They don't recognize the legality of prescription marijuana (ie. you smoke and have a script, they still won't hire you; per the federal guideline it is perfectly legal for them to discriminate against even legal marijuana use...so they do.)

BTW, they don't tell you this until after hire but they reserve the right to retest at-will with no less than 20 minutes notice at any point during term of employment. (They've gone so far as "you're being laid-off tomorrow, go pee in this cup today.") Also, when my best friend quit about a year ago, they were undertaking an unofficial systemic purge of people who they thought socially-drank to excess on their own time and all smokers they could ID as "possessing health habits not in line with the company's image."

The last two hospitals I worked at required piss tests. I was at the professional level -- they required them of everyone. One was a big, urban hospital and the other was a smaller hospital in a smaller city.

Even if every one of the hospitals' administrators were required to take a piss test, for example, it is likely that equivalent administrators at non-hospital settings are not.

Wassamatta? You on drugs?

Every decent job I've ever had required illicit-drug free employees. Some of them tested.

"Every decent job I've ever had required illicit-drug free employees."

Sound like awful places to work, imo. :hi:

I don't believe age has a thing to do with it. :shrug:

nipples because he's so baked he forgot he's not alone right now. Age doesn't have anything to do with it. Sometimes that guy is running on 60.

When a drunk or doped employee hurts someone else or themselves on the job, the employer can point to a drug-testing regimen and cover his ass.

Rates for industrial liability are lower for companies that drug test.

are essentially nil.

Test them all is the best policy, from the owner on down, or test no one.

I was hit by a coworker texting in her car while in the parking lot. Another co-worker tripped over the curb coming into work. etc. etc. etc.

17 Incident Reports so far this year to HR. One company. Not very big. No room for your rationalizations.

Nil may not mean what you think... :shrug:

Unless your coworker is a delivery driver, your employer is not responsible for who she hits with her car, on her own time. That's what the doctrine of "course and scope of employment" refers to--namely, that employers are generally only liable for activities engaged in by their workers when they are on the clock, and engaging in work-related activities.

So...texting in the car doesn't work. And tripping over a curb has nothing to do with liability for the actions of the employee. Nor does marijuana impair motor function. So the example simply isn't "on point".

"Nil may not mean what you think..."

Nil means precisely what I think.

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trust in the federal government? But other than that, you're right. ;)

From the post to which you respond: "provided that such test have no real logical nexus with the job" :hi:

anyone seriously who doesn't understand the proper use of drug testing to keep a workplace SAFE.

The reason they don't is that too many would flunk owing to not getting enough sleep.

They know they can't make decisions for themselves and they don't mind stupider people doing it for them

when it comes to a safe work environment. If you use cocaine or other salt-like substances you just need 2-3 days to get clean. That is very easy to plan around. Most of these tests don't test for alcohol which can be very dangerous for everyone if someone is drinking on the job. With THC you could be sober for a week and still test dirty. Someone who uses THC during their free time is not any more dangerous than someone who uses alcohol during their free time. With drug testing, the real world results is people who use substances will stick with alcohol (since they don't test for it) or something like cocaine which doesn't stay in the system long because it is water soluble.

Because I know damn well they aren't drug tested.

I do, however, take great exception to your statement that only "horrible, menial positions" are drug tested. I work for a firm where the lowest degree considered for employment is a Bachelors .... and I think only the admin staff and a few field scientists have that.

My previous career was in health-care (RN) ... unfortunately "they" fee the need to test all

There is no logic behind the drug testing where I work.

and everyone of them required a whiz quiz.

though I found Meegbear's answer to be pretty good too...

sP

Trying to pass it once it's been exposed to all those digestive enzymes may be easier, but you won't necessarily know when you've succeeded.

helpfully,
Bright

It really all depends on who is testing and for what reason. I would offer that you should go to your local head shop and ask the owner about it.

Couple years earlier and you could have bought Ontario Smith's Whizzinator.
http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/dpp/news/Onterrio_Smith_Whizzinator_Auction

WTF kind of test is that?

Don't break the law.



See?

Now, you can also do other constructive things, like supporting MMP and help push for legalized marijuana laws, and write your congresscritter and senators, but remember, they are paid political lapdogs of Big Pharma and Big Tobacco, so your voice will be puny indeed in comparison.

trolls. Some have built up several hundred posts. I can easily see a troll asking a loaded question, then pointing out how DU supports breaking the law.

I'll keep that in mind

they aren't happy ending stories. (They do random urinalysis in the Army. I never worried because, I don't know, pot and stuff - even booze for that matter - just didn't appeal to me. Now, if they had outlawed Motrin, I'd have been in trouble big time because it was the only stuff that worked for my period pain.)

I don't know what your situation is, if this is a urinalysis for a job or for a legal thing, but it might be best to just forgo anything illegal. I just don't think it's worth it to lose your job or go to jail or whatever the penalty is.

There's a pretty strong legalization movement in the US to legalize pot, and so that might happen someday, but until then, I just think the most prudent thing to do is just stay away from the illegal stuff because I've never been to jail but from what I've heard it really really sucks.

You, me and other women would demonstrate that PMS can be a dangerous condition.

To begin with, I hope you've already stopped doing anything and everything that might come up in the test. That said, NORML has a pretty good Dos and Don'ts page on the subject:

http://norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=4934

That is the easiest way to pass a urine test. Stay away from poppy seed rolls and cake just for safety's sake. And don't attend "concerts" where you might accidentally inhale.

This advice works every time.

Provided, of course, you are not applying to be an airline pilot or similar. An office job that requires a piss test = poor work environment.

also states that are talking about making urinalysis mandatory for collecting any benefits like unemployment, etc.

So again the best advice I can give in this kind of an environment is just don't smoke/take anything that could get you fired because jobs are way too hard to come by and probably will still be way too hard to come by for a long time.

If a person feels they CAN'T give up whatever substance they are taking, I would worry that there is psychological or physical dependency going on.

Now, this person said they have a valid prescription. That might just work. I know that in the Army, if a physician prescribes opiates following surgery etc. then all you have to do is prove you have a prescription and everything is okay.

On the other hand, even with a valid prescription, a company might say, "we still don't want pot-smokers on the job."
I don't know anything about California state laws so I don't know what companies can and can't fire their workers for, but I'd be pretty worried about being fired even if I had a valid prescription.

Say accountant, or attorney, for example. For lower level "desk jockey" type white collar positions, I stand by my advice: namely, that those which require piss tests tend to provide lower-quality work environments in ways beyond urinalysis. The paranoia and authoritarianism inherent in applying such a test without a clear nexus to one's job gives a clear (and disturbing) window into the mentality of the employer.

"If a person feels they CAN'T give up whatever substance they are taking, I would worry that there is psychological or physical dependency going on."

Since we are dispensing with accurate medical definitions, a person who produces a seemingly unlimited supply excuses for prying into the personal lives of employees ALSO seems to be suffering from a certain sort of "dependency", to my mind.

lost one of our LT's in the Brigade I was in because he kept using cocaine. Now, I didn't want someone addicted to cocaine working with me anyway, honestly, not in life-or-death situations, not driving in a convoy, etc.

There are certainly some jobs (truck driving, people who work heavy equipment, etc.) where a person can understand why there is urinalysis.

Now...McDonald's requiring a piss test? Not sure I understand the reasoning behind that, other than to humilate workers.

I'll admit, I'm not a Libertarian. I don't think heroin should be legal, because I think substance abuse does harm to a society. Alcoholism alone is a real scourge upon society.

I don't think urinalysis is required in all jobs, but yeah, I think some jobs, I can see the reasoning behind it.

I would never voluntarily give that level of control over myself to another human being. :shrug:

join up, as well as a willingness to give everything you have up to and including your life.

I can remember working during a deployment and getting no sleep, to the point where everything seemed funny to me and I'd laugh hysterically at nothing at all. I figure I was about one more sleepless night away from outright hallucinating, when the last bird was off to Somalia and we finally got some downtime.

There are some tough things about life in the military and I really do respect why a lot of people (probably most people) would say "Not no but HELL no" to life in the military.

I really did hate doing the urinalysis thing. I really prefer to be in private when I pee. But it was only a couple times a year usually so it wasn't like it was every week.

Apparently, there is no way to test for THAT substance. Trippin' balls today, M16 tomorrow? Not for me!

I didn't think there were any major corporations that didn't drug screen these days. The last three jobs I've had required them for all new employees. They're all mega-corporations, so I figured that it was just the norm. Not that it should matter, but I'm an attorney and the whole legal department was screened. I wouldn't be surprised if there are a few people in the upper echelon of the company that were exempt, but they are definitely the exceptions. Officially, we also have random drug test, but I've never heard of any mid-level or higher workers being re-tested.

Personally, I don't care what anyone does on their time off and don't feel drug tests are a valuable screening tool. That said, I have a mortgage and bills, so I agree to be tested.

We all value different things. :shrug:

know which politicians receive donations from Drug Testing manufacturers.

Seems that in the US the only motivating factor for anything is money.

And when these drug testing laws, clear violations of Constitutional Rights, were first proposed, from what I've read, many people refused to go along with them, teachers eg, and won a few battles. But then there those who caved and once that happened, everyone was screwed.

Which is why now it is so important as we continue to lose more rights, that people NOT cave in to, eg, the TSA's anti-constituional 'enhanced patdowns' and Chertoff's naked scanners. And that is about money also. And once the public accepts these abuses, more will follow because they never run out of ways to profit from legislation which they lobby to get passed.

Too bad the people don't have lobbyists. At least we'd have a fighting chance to stop some of these abuses. But no one is working for the people, there just isn't enough money in it.

A couple of times, employers wanted me, but their insurance demanded a drug screening of employees. It was just frustrating for both of us. I tell them up front that I smoke like a Rasta and don't plan to stop.

Once time in Florida, a temp company supplying construction workers hired me on as a metal framer, but the guy gave me 5 weeks to clean up for the test, since I told him I smoked a lot of pot. I wanted the job bad, so I chilled on the pot for awhile till I passed the test. The jobs I worked on were huge projects, and a lot of workers got baked during breaks and at lunch. The parking lot smelled like Woodstock at lunchtime. :hippie:

"I chilled on the pot for awhile till I passed the test. The jobs I worked on were huge projects, and a lot of workers got baked during breaks and at lunch. The parking lot smelled like Woodstock at lunchtime. "

People who don't smoke don't even understand WHAT they are afraid of. Like you said, the testing is all for show. Your boss didn't give a fuck about the smoke--it was probably his Worker's Comp insurer. :smoke:

but I do find it insane that I had to submit to a urine test, criminal background check and credit report before starting. I sit at a desk all day; there is no cash or anything of value in my office and it would be impossible to embezzle money in my position. I've worked here six years any never understood why I had to submit, and why they hold the threat of random retests over our heads.

In my opinion, the sense that there is no limit or boundary to what your employer may pry into (up to and including your bodily fluids!) indicates that your employer doesn't have complete respect for your right to privacy.

Even though your employer hasn't fired you based on an irrelevant aspect of your "private" life yet, it obviously reserves the right to do so in the future. :shrug:

It's about as guaranteed as abstinence is at not getting someone pregnant.

:hi:

Sid

Take part of a whizz before you dip. Schedule it not in morning. Barring that, get a marijuana prescription that includes at least one marinol tab. Divulge that to the tester. You will have an out.

I got a job, hauled my tools, strained my back, and megadosed on ibuprofen. Tested two weeks after starting, positive for pot. Lost job on the spot. Got a call from unemployment, trying to get me to admit to it, as they would cut me off and allow me to starve. FUCKERS.

BUT, the marinol prescription is legal. And yet, they could still not hire you if the job entails travel, driving, danger or anything else they could envision.

But FYI-all the drugstores sell cheap and easy home drug testing kits. Stop using, exercise, drink lots of liquids, and keep testing yourself. Don't eat fats,and try to get the fat off if you have time. At least you can test and plan for possible contingencies.

but the testers will also supposedly ding you if they suspect you've been "cleansing". If your pee is too watered down. I am supposing that they would make you take it again, that too, might buy you some time.

the last thing you want to do is burn fat...

because some "things" get stored in the fat cells.

That will just dump more retained metabolites into the piss.

There's no reason for it - especially without provocation.

someone for work that they are too high/wasted to do properly. I don't think being sober while on the job is an unreasonable expectation.

and why do accidents still happen after all these years of testing?

I heard for Pot.... google is your friend.

..just kidding. I never take those things. I would try to stall the test for 30 days and just stay clean. If you can't do that, find out what the penalties are if you fail or get caught faking it first. Then try whatever products there are out there on the net, and test yourself first to make sure they work. Good luck. I'm sorry that you have to take one of these things.

Get the biggest one you can find. 16" to 18" usually works best if someone is watching you while you piss. Simply put the cup on the floor and whip out your gargantuan fake penis and start wizzing. Chance are the witness will be so stunned at seeing such a large penis that they will not think about whether or not it is fake. Maybe put some sort of anti-drug message on the fake penis as well. Every little bit helps. Also, make sure that you have at least a half gallon of piss stored up so at least if you fail the test there will piss all over the place. You could also turn and aim at the witness and start laughing maniacally while peeing all over them. Then make sure you zip up and tell the tester that you are not going to sit there and listen to him bad mouth the United States of America. Slam the door when you leave as well.

Cheers!

:rofl:

I understand it is supposed to wash it out...but I have never used it but my daughter says they sell it by the case at the grocery store.:)

It supposedly washes out only marijuana.

This is not as easy as you might think.

For example, a commonly prescribed NSAID called etodolac (trade name Lodine) can trigger a false positive for cannabis on one of the most commonly used tests.

DO SOME RESEARCH ON THIS!!! A false positive can lead to a much more sensitive gas chromatography test which will detect things that you consumed much farther in the past.

2. DILUTE!!!

Drink LOTS of water in the days leading up to the test. On test day, power down water. Don't give them your first urine of the day, and don't give them the first part of the stream.

Good for bad back, hangovers, gout etc.

I had a buddy who was a pharmaceutical rep.

Good thing I was never tested.

I did a test run with marijuana detection kits that I bought in the drug store.

I tested positive, then followed all the directions for the masking agent, then it came out negative. I heard nothing about it from the job. It's possible they detected the marijuana but didn't care.

I can't say your results will be the same. I think the stuff I used was called EXXTRA!

Good luck.

I have done other tricks, including once with an IV bag full of clean piss taped under my arm, with a tube that came out of my fly. This is hard to set up and requires special equipment. :)

--imm

But here's the email I sent to a prospective employer who wanted me to pee in a cup for them. I don't do any illegal drugs, btw - I just really think it's wrong and invasive policy:

"I regret to tell you that I do not work for companies that think it's appropriate to do medical or drug testing on their employees. It's a degrading invasion of privacy having nothing to do with the position. In my opinion, it's every person's responsibility to push back against such erosions of privacy. While I would certainly pass such a test, being consistent in my principles is far more important to me."

I wouldn't do that. I couldn't do that. My body would refuse.

of cheating it buys you a 'witnessed' test.

seriously. And I know it wasn't just me who got watched because we'd all gripe about how hard it was to pee with someone watching you, afterwards.

During OBC we were all in a line to use the bathroom, male observer in one bathroom and female observer in the other bathroom. And yeah we were watched. Even as Officers, supposedly above any suspicion, we were very closely observed.

She tried to justify her company's position because of their connection to financial and payroll industries. She also expressed regret because she thought I'd be perfect for the job. It was a web-dev position.

I thanked her for her polite response and sent her this excellent link to the ACLU's page on drug testing:
http://www.aclu.org/drug-law-reform_technology-and-liberty/privacy-america-workplace-drug-testing

scheduled two weeks away (I had already told them I couldn't start until I got back from vacation that had been paid and planned for a long time)and stay clean for that amount of time.

like, litres of water. Make sure you've pissed sevral times prior to the test, give the sample from mid-stream and not from the start. The lab screen may show that it's a dilute sample (ie mostly water, low levels of uric acid etc) and at worst you'll have to retake it, which would probably give you more time to get it out of your system. (And for that: fasting and anaerobic exercise, and the aforementioned water.) THC is fat-soluble, hence the long detection period.

start taking some vitamin B12. It'll keep the urine nice and yellow even when it's diluted with water

but the subject never came up after i was hired. Several times, from big employers. But of course, it's not a guarantee against RW assholes with a militaristic philiosophy--which you wouldn't want to work for anyway.

use these after abstaining as long as possible, hopefully at least 48 hours before the test.

also:
exercise, sauna, diuretics; sweat and pee a lot.

drink all the water you can stand during the 2 days before the test

the day of the test, be sure to take a good vitamin an hour or two before ... it makes your pee nice and yellow again :-)

get a copy of High Times magazine

good luck!

and tell him that if he wants to test your piss to have at it. It is very important that you slam the door on your way out while loudly humming the Battle Hymm of the Republic.

:rofl:

:D

one of the subjects soaked his hands in bleach first and then peed over them. He passed.

his poor skin..

Kept him from being sent back to prison that week, though.

I was surprised that it worked but it did. Myself, I just say no to urine tests and fuck off to fascists who want to look in my piss!

in Federal court and sentenced to 6 months in prison...



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whizzinator

to be dropped into the urine container after filling it. But back then, the idea was to FAIL the urine test, not pass it.

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THC from cannibis is probably the most problematic in that it can be detected up to a month after you smoke it, though the month scenarios only typically happen if you've been smoking heavily and regularly for a long time.

The only thing I can think of is to hit the gym, get a lot of exercise to sweat some of it out, drink a lot of water.

It can kill you.

Consuming more than a liter per hour over an extended period of time is dangerous.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication

It does happen, but it's not particularly easy to drink that much water.

It wouldn't hurt to get some electrolytes in you - salt & potassium, maybe through Gatorade, just in case.

That happened to me once, but I explained that my doctor had advised me to drink lots of water to reduce the risk of kidney stones.

The employer did not opt for a re-test, and I was hired.

... crotched at all times when he was in The Army. That was in the '80s so I'm not sure if they are on to that trick.

And yes, I do think drug testing for work IS fascist

:)

Easy enough.

The test will be in 2 weeks, and even though I'm not going to smoke any LEGALLY PRESCRIBED 420, it could still be positive

But hey, Drugs are bad, right? A pot smoker is no different than a heroin user - they should just stick to tobacco and coffee right?

I sure am glad I'm a Gamma and not a Beta.

or drink or anything else, go ahead. You wont be able to get this job but everyone has to make choices. That's what I meant about easy. I think drug tests are a clear violation of the fourth amendment but the supreme court disagrees.

maybe 'rightynyc' or 'NancyReaganNYC'

in NYC so I don't have to change a thing. Look, you want to be able to do what you want, get any job you want with no blowback from bad decisions. You may want to consider the libertarian party.

http://www.wikihow.com/Pass-a-Drug-Test

Good luck!

If you don't mind sharing, some things are easier to hide than others. Not that I would know...just heard a thing or two.

Because, hey, I might end up eating the servers if I get the munchies

"There's your sample, fuckers! And, wow, looks like you really need an IT guy. My salary demands just doubled!"

A lot of that and no you can't mix the water in to make it better. In all honesty, quiting is a better result for a full drug screen and learning to be happy with foreign beers. If it was something exact it would be a different story and there are no guarantees ever...you are cheating the system and it hates to lose.

tell him you did not watch your buddies die face first in the muck in Vietnam so that some future employer could make you pee in a cup. Then raise your voice and scream that you don't work on shabbos. Keep screaming shomer shabbos at the top of your lungs until security is called. You could also start bashing on his/her desk with a club and shouting "You see what happens when you fuck someone in ass Larry"!

Be sure to take your smart phone with video capabilities. Film the whole interview, put it on youtube. I'd watch that!

Cheers and good luck!

eom.

From the showerhead episode:

You can go with the fake penis set up if you have time and order synthetic. If not you'll need clean pee as close to the test as possible. I suggest a pair of long johns and keep your sample warm. You'll just pour your sample into their cup and roll on. The temp range is the big thing here (90-100).

Failing all of that you'll have to dilute by drinking until you have to pee constantly and it flows clear. You might have to re-test or even risk rejection for dilution but it should either pass or buy time to get your supplies in order.

Pouring in some clean pee or "fake penis" is the only thing I know that would work(provided they don't catch you). Keeping it warm is important.

Other than that I have no clue. If you have a prescription, I'm not sure the "Don't do drugs" advice really helps and if the drug test is very soon, that isn't helpful as that ship has sailed.

I a but ashamed to admit this, but I was compelled to do a HUGE amount of research on this in very short order some years back, and the conclusion was: Nothing But Time Works.

It varies-- but it seems that a male in normal shape who smokes on average one joint per day requires ten to fourteen days of complete abstinence from smoking to pass a test. No products, solutions, gimmicks or shortcuts. Sorry.

This was in 2000, so the testing baselines may have changed. :shrug:

urine tests seem now to only catch THC since it is slow to metabolise. It is risky to assume that you won't test positive after 2 weeks or that lots of water, cranberry juice etc is going to mask it.

Safest route -- find a friend who doesn't smoke. Get their urine and put it into a condom (or two), have at least one sharp fingernail...

I hope they all have fun reporting back to Free Republic

He only beats me because he loves me...

He just sent his brother his driver's license and had him take the test for him. His brother lived on the other side of the country and didn't use drugs (recently).

Usually what will happen is that they send you to a drug screening company and they have offices all over the country. If you have a brother or maybe you can find someone who looks similar you (on your driver's license). A lot of times they don't even look at the ID very closely anyways.

It worked like a charm.

Don't take drugs! That'll work!

has severe back pain and tried oxycodone and found the side effects intolerable. (I took that stuff when I was hospitalized with GBS recently, it completely knocked me out so I can see how someone could find it impossible to work while taking that.) The marijuana he gets from his doctor allows him to function without unbearable pain.

This is really something that needs to be resolved. We need to decide as a nation, are there legitimate medical uses for pot or not? If there are, (and in truth there ARE medical uses for it) and prescriptions are legal, then businesses shouldn't be allowed to discriminate. The thing is, it's really hard to prove discrimination and who has the big bucks to fight a company, especially someone who is desperately looking for a job to survive and has chronic pain to boot? (Chronic pain, even when it's managed as well as possible with medicine, drains a person of energy.)

This is just not a very good environment right now for anyone looking for work. And if you have something like chronic pain or other medical problems, a lot of companies will turn you down just out of fear of what you might cost them down the road. Not fair but I know it happens.

I don't know. Taverner is just in a bad position - he has to use the pot to treat his chronic pain, but his company won't accept the prescription as valid. And I guess the state laws aren't in support of the use of medical marijuana either.

All I know is, it's pretty much impossible to fool the tests.

Seriously, I have employees. Some have jobs that endanger themselves and others while performing - if not paying attention. I random drug test to protect others, and to protect customers, and to protect my business. I can't afford a lawsuit, if an accident happens. I have employees that handle cash, and in some ways it can be substantial too. Come on now. ugh.

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if i am not under the influence at work, it is none of your business what i am doing outside of work.

people can choose to engage in many "undesirable" or illegal activities outside of work, yet smoking pot seems to be the only one people care about. and is the only one that still shows up a substantial amount of time after the user has stopped using.

you also assume that people who smoke pot are thieves? nice....

ETA a word i forgot and without it post made no sense

about pot. But nevertheless, the benefits outweigh the risks. People are free to work somewhere else. Folks that work for me may well handle cash, but have other co-workers lives at stake. I could care less what people do, but I will tell you this - do it and you don't work for me. Period. I am not a wealthy person by any means, and I give to my community, my employees, etc. I help pay a substantial portion of their healthcare premiums, and I help them save. I haven't had a paycheck in several months because of unexpected costs, but I don't complain. I can't afford the risk. That is why, out of the few employees I have - most remain from when I gave up everything to start what I started 7 years ago. Those that do, know how much I gave up to do what I do. Safety first for me. Show me stats where drug and alcohol abusers, even recreational users have a better safety record and I will rethink my position.

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than non-users.

"I could care less what people do, but I will tell you this - do it and you don't work for me." :rofl:

forgot to add: if you are not claiming the pot smokers are thieves, then what is the point of mentioning the cash-handling???

I'm on a metric ton of Rx drugs plus my kidneys are failing ... not sure what I did to their equipment last time I took one but I passed.

Why wouldn't I want to drink anyway?

Last I checked drinking beer was/is legal...

It will draw metabolites out of the fat...

meme think they are providing some 'sage' wisdom and advice ...you're not.

I guess you don't believe in anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, any kind of pain management, blood pressure medication, etc, because ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE DRUGS.

And, oh by the way, people are being fired from jobs for being on legitimate prescription pain meds.....they test positive, tough shit, you're fired. Had major dental work done?....prescribed pain meds?....better hope you don't get tested anytime soon.

There are currently 14 states that have LEGALIZED MARIJUANA. I like thousands of others have gone through the process to get licensed for medication that addresses our medical issues. We are LEGAL IN OUR OWN STATES.....yet we can be fired of denied employment for partaking of LEGAL MEDICATION for REAL MEDICAL ISSUES.

So,if all you have to offer the discussion is your famed, simple minded, pithy, "just don't do drugs man....simple", then keep it to yourself, you are NOT bringing ANYTHING to the conversation and in fact are demonstrating you ignorance.

I too am sick of the Nancy Reagans on board here...

Some of them don't understand how Med Marijuana is 100x the pain killer that Hydrocodone or Morphine is

Let me put it this way: I tried both. Hydro + Morph did not stop the pain, it just turned me into a brainless zombie

MM, however, allowed me to think AND eliminiated 75% of the pain

And for those of you who doubt my pain (and I know a lot of you do) I should show you my MRIs. I should show you my L5 and L4 discs, and how little of them is left. I should show you the crabmeat that is my spine. Yeah, I don't look like I'm in pain, but every time I stand up or sit down I experience serious pain. Passenger in a plane? I can barely walk off the plane, let alone drive to the hotel.

Oh, but I'm "bad" because I use med marijuana.

But that's just me.

Also, I noticed you said "usually" which indicates that your record is not 100%. Was it the personality/mental tests that "usually" got you?

Cheers!

As in, it being my SOP

For the mental/personality tests, never took any.

so now I (who passed mine) need to do his work too



He tried a bunch of crap to fool the test but it didn't work, I'm not sure if anything will work.



P.S. they also took a hair sample, not just a urine test

He could have smoked it in his high school years and he would have failed that test

Yes, the system is THAT fucked up, but don't let that stop the Nancy Reagans out there from passing judgement

recently as last fall


and I passed

Your fat cells will in perpetuity carry evidence of THC

I don't think I have any fat cells in my hair

fat and protein make those hairs of yours...

and worked for the State for 12 yrs.

Or did you find a way to flush your way to victory?

Don't do illegal substances