Just an anecdotal observation about gender

Sparkly and I have children from our previous marriages. This results in us having ties to our ex spouses. Over the years, our relationships with exes and new exes' spouses have grown cordial. We don't spend inordinate time together, and we're hardly one big bunch of friends, but all in all, its okay.

This is good for the kids, too (all adults).

We're dealing with one of the kids' problems right now.

The male parent of the kid and the male step parent of the kid have this whole "manly" dance they do. "Yup. I get it. I feel bad, but . . . The kid's gotta do this or that." Etc.

The female parent of the kid and the the female step parent drop the crap and the posturing. They inquire first about the other's well being. "How are you doing with this?" To which the follow up comes back, "I'm okay, how are *you* doing?" And then a constructive conversation on what to do for (or not do for) the kid in need of help.

The males will help the kid in their own way, to be sure. Both are involved and both love the kid - differently given the lack of blood relationship on the part of one of them - but both will be there for the kid in need, to be sure.

The women, however, show obvious skill at nurturing - and not just the kid, but each other.

Everyone's hearts are in the right places, of that I'm certain. It is just so obvious how we are what we're probably genetically predisposed to be.

get calls from the father and you might as well be telling me they are the women, as we have the exact same conversations to figure out what THEIR kids need.

That's a lot of opinions. I get the "manly meathead" thing, but it might help to steer the males into talking with the females, instead of with the other males. Likely they'd be more helpful to the situation then.

Men have a penis, women have a vagina.


This is just my experience. Yours may vary.

attempts at problem solving. Men often take a confrontational approach, one man has to 'win', if both can see a way to do that. Women use cooperation to problem solve, and it doesn't matter who had the better ideas that the other one built upon.

It looks like nurturing, but it's indicative of the way women work to resolve problems, and it sounds like in this case, both males consider the problem irresolvable. That makes a natural entrance for the female approach to problem solving to take over.