My imagined first draft of Obama's speech

My fellow Americans...

When I ran for the presidency, I honestly thought the country was ready for its first black president. And hey, you DID elect me, so at least for a week or so, I felt pretty sure I was right.

But... Oh. My. God. At least a third of the country clearly has not been able to handle it. A lot of you have just flat-out gone berserk. This is getting ridiculous.

At this point, all I can say is: Screw it. I don't need this shit.

Michelle and the girls are upstairs packing. We're going back to Chicago. Biden is being sworn in right now. You'll have a white guy in charge again. Happy now? Ya know what... I don't really give a flying fuck if you are.

Good night and may God bless... no, the hell with that. Fuck you. I'm outta here. Go to hell.

never in my life have I seen a president treated like this. Not even clinton! Not this bad,