Is it really MY fault?

I have a HUD housing voucher since I left my abusive ex 7 years ago. It has been the reason my kids have had a "stable home environment" because since then my employment has been either feast or famine and I have been raising three kids alone and trying to recover my sanity at the same time...

So I moved into this house four years ago - after being moved three years straight by my rental agency. Every time the lease ran out, i was moving, people were selling the houses out from under me or it was furnished and my stuff went into storage, etc...so this house and finall feeling settled was HUGE for us all.
When I moved in, My allowance was 1250-1300 and I was allowed 3 bedrooms. I had to double up two of my kids, but they were the little ones and it was okay, even though it made for some tense times. (boy & girl, and a teen boy +me) When my teen moved out in March, I followed protocol and let HUD know in a timely fashion. My rent didn't change bu it was nice to finally separate the younger siblings. Especially since there had been a law or mandate that said opposite sex siblings shouldn't share after the age of 6 ...they are currently 8 & 9.(I didn;t move the two boys in together because a young boy and a mastrubating teen shouldn't share a room, lol) My daughter is actually pre-pubescent and will be 10 in a couple months, so she definitely needs her own space. I cannot tell you how much it even changed the family dynamics to have each of them in their own domains.
They sent me a letter about my re-certification appointment coming up, and buried in the 4th paragraph was a comment that said since my teen had moved out, i was lowered to a 2 bedroom voucher status...NOWHERE on any of my paperwork did I see the $1300 reduced to $1050...only that line, and the generic newsletter they sent us in July of 2010 stating that they were changing the general rules due to budget cute...all BURIED info.
I read it, but in July of 2010, it didn't apply to me, and it went past my eyeballs and out my brain...

So here i get my current rent breakdown, still NOWHERE does it list my actual VOUCHER amount... Just $1300 rent, what they pay and what I pay... no explanation of how it is broken down, because they do tricky averaging and plus minus percentages on their worksheet which i never get to see...

my rent wen up $500 ...more than I get in welfare for the entire month! why? because I am living beyond my means?
I was IN the Office, for my appointment with the Supervisor for an hour in july...signing my life away again & again, and she NEVER said to me,
"you know, you are only getting a voucher for a 2 bedroom now.."

So now I have to hustle an extra few hundred a month to keep my house, or move?... where? ....uproot my kids AGAIN...? and where am I going to FIND that extra income when there are NO fucking JOBS and I am lucky to work even 10 hours a week for a non-profit? and if that extra job/income causes me to pay for after school care, it is NOT extra money because daycare sucks up the wages!

I have been struggling my ENTIRE adult life to make something better out of NOTHING. and i feel this huge hand on my head holding me down. I even took advantage of welfare to work and drove 150 miles for 6 months to get a certification in HR management in 2008/09...but I can't break into the field because it isn't a BA, so it did me NO good

I am just. so. done.
I don't want this life anymore, but i don't know how to break free... my heart hurts, i am having trouble breathing, my stress level is off the charts... I want to scream and break shit. I am screwn.

This is so unfair. Is there anyone, an advocacy group eg, that could help you? I know sometimes it is just too much to even try to find help.

Maybe someone on DU knows more about this and can help you. You do not need this kind of stress, no one does.

:kick: so others can see and maybe have some information on how to get help!

:hug:

:hug:

:hug:

Don't ever think it is.

I wish I had words of wisdom to make it better.

Hire yourself out to small businesses - "Let me handle your employee discipline" many would be glad to have someone take care of it for them. It's the most uncomfortable part of having employees. $40 an incident? Do a Groupon for $25?

I contacted my buddies in the newspaper biz to ask if i could sell advertizing and build ads for commission under the table


at this point, i just want to sell it all, and take my kids and go find a commune somewhere to join...fuck the world, i wanna get off the ride

for my friends who know people who own businesses to let me know if they need help or anything, etc...

I am the freaking poster child for taking advantage of programs to help and doing my paperwork and toe-ing the line...

I am 'lucky' I have extended family that will help in a pinch, my mom has covered my electric bill or bought back to school for my kids for years...and you realize if I told welfare that, they would want the receipts so they could take the money AWAY from us the following month? NO SHIT, seriously...

it's all bullshit, there is no help, i am poor, i am dirt, it doesn't matter how smart I am or how much I try, I am a drag on the system and they want me to fail....

Those who are trying to take away the social safety nets. They are destroying this country by refusing to help people like you, and especially your children who are the future of this country. I understand how you feel, but I disagree with your assessment as to who is the drag on this country, sorry. It is NOT you! Wish I knew what to tell you. Have you called your Congressmember? I have friends who did get help from their member of Congress when they were in a tough spot like this. Some of them are pretty good at handling Government agencies and getting answers they won't give to ordinary people.

at this point that I think I will have to wait a couple days to get up the balls.

The worst is that I feel like we are just starting to get into some real stability and order for a change, and then i get hamstrung again...

I called my rental agency, they will let me break up the payment so I can do part of it when i get my part-time paycheck on the 15th. I am just gonna have to get better at budgeting and tighten the screws more...


Yes I agree that the pricks in power are to blame, but what can *I* do in the face of that kind of organized crime and corruption?

So give yourself a few days to gather your thoughts. What can happen in say, two days, that hasn't already and people are better at sorting things out when they are less stressed. It sounds like you have good family support, so that is a plus.

Seriously, when you are ready, it can't hurt to call your Congressmember, even if it's a Repug. At least they will get to see their policies in action if it IS a Repub, and if not, I have heard that they often are very helpful, especially when children are involved. Not to mention you can vote and they all need votes right now.

He is an 2 time ex-felon, just out of san quentin this year, we have a restraining order on him and have changed our names to hide... He keeps asking the child support people for an extention to find a job...

besides, he is also a child-pron addict (misdemeanor, they had to examine my daughter when she was 2 to see if he hurt her, inconclusive results)
and his big bust in 06 (we bailed in 04) was for selling drugs and assault... so ya, I am afraid to touch that with a 10 foot pole

Since your opposite sex kids aren't supposed to share a bedroom, how can they give you a voucher for only 2 bedrooms? Are they assuming you don't need one or will share? Seems you should still be eligible for 3 bedrooms.

Good luck with it, sounds like you've had quite the time, reading this and your other post.

budget cuts, ya'know

www.hud.gov. If it is only a state program and the law says you have to have two bedrooms then there should also be an appeal form at your county agency. But there are strict deadlines 30 or 60 days so do it today and mail it today.

There are reporting laws. We always get a breakdown of our reported income, deductions etc.

Good luck.

if kids have to share a room.

When I was 14, and my mother left an abusive alcoholic husband, and there were FIVE kids still at home, ages 7 to 15, and no housing vouchers, we lived for the first year in a two bedroom place. All six of us.

Later we moved to a three bedroom place and guess what? Kids still shared rooms. Actually, we shared beds while we were at it. I didn't have a bed of my own until I was 16 and my older sister got married.

As for work, check into local hospitals. They are always hiring. The turnover is quite shocking, and you don't need to already be some sort of medical person. They will often train, especially for things like phlebotomy (drawing blood) and other lab work. They will, if you're already there, pay for most or all of other training, such as if you decide to seek a nursing degree.

I really, really get tired of the "There are NO jobs" meme. Apparently I'm the only person over the age of 60 in this entire country to have found employment in the past couple of years.

Yeah, what has happened to you sucks, but you will make it through.

>Especially since there had been a law or mandate that said opposite sex siblings shouldn't share after the age of 6 ...they are currently 8 & 9.<

So, she's going to get busted for allowing opposite sex siblings to share a room, or she's sharing with a pre-teen boy herself. It's a no-win situation.

>I really, really get tired of the "There are NO jobs" meme. Apparently I'm the only person over the age of 60 in this entire country to have found employment in the past couple of years.<

There are 14 million unemployed competing for 3 million jobs.

We went through a period of unemployment two years ago; my husband is in his mid-forties. Luckily for us, he looks younger than his age. "There are no jobs" is a hell of a lot more than a meme. It's the truth.

BTW, my sister-in-law had to leave nursing school due to no money in the past year, so believing there's endless money for retraining is untrue as well.

But could it be that the parent is supposed to share a room w/a same sex child? IOW Mother with daughter, son has his own room? Could the OP's situation possibly be based on that?

Or in the case of a single parent father, father shares room w/son and opposite sex child gets her own room?

Edited to add: My sympathy to you FirstLight. Sounds like you've been through a lot. I hope things improve soon. :hug:

If she was concerned about the teen's behavior, how about talking to the teen about what is and is not appropriate to do in front of younger brother?

Mom and daughter can share a room.

I do know that the employment picture is quite rough, but the hospital I work in generally has about a hundred job openings at any time. Yes, most of them are for nurses, so anyone who has a nursing degree and claims there's no work is flat-out lying. But there are ALWAYS openings in other parts of the hospital: for registration people (that department has had 75% turnover in the two years since I first started); the lab, where they will train you to draw blood; for unit secretaries; even housekeeping and food service usually have openings.

The up side of hospital employment is that it generally includes good health benefits.

"There are no jobs" if you're looking in a lot of specific fields, but ever since I moved to Santa Fe (considered a difficult place to get work even in good times) at age 60, I have had no trouble finding work. Yes, it's all entry-level, not the highest paid out there, but it pays my bills.

I did not suggest there is endless money for retraining, but my hospital will reimburse most of the cost of classes relevant to the area you're in, and I'm pretty sure will pay for most of nursing school.

it's about stability, and the teen is out of the picture now so that's a moot point to argue.(though 'talking to the teen' was never an option either) The house is someplace we have been for 4 years after moving EVERY year since we have been free from the ex...that isn't healthy for them emotionally, it has been a HUGE struggle. No, I will find a way to make another $300-500 a month to stay here, even if it means ...well, we won't go there.

Hospital Jobs: there is ONE in town and it is not hiring, it's laying off. So is the City for that matter, it ain't pretty.
ANY job I go for, even an executive secretary position...like the P/T one i have now with a prominent non profit, pays $10/hr, that's it. No more if yuou have decades of experience, or great skills... just $10...some even as low as $8.50

I went back to school already, and it didn;t help for shit, can;t even get into the field i trained in.

So I am back to doing what I know, freelancing, design, minor webwork...if i can find it. gonna beat the bushes some more.

anything i do will require more than 4 hours of work ($40) in afterschool care.

so ya, thanks but no thanks

She's now left with a 8 and 6 year old, so any babysitting via teen is gone as well. Her after-school childcare is $40 a day.

I'm happy to know that there's all kinds of opportunities in Santa Fe. I know the OP lives in another state, which is currently swirling the drain because of the economy. Let's see here: Can't find a job that pays over minimum. She gets no child support. She's got two kids under 10. She's trying to keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies on a little over minimum wage. She also mentioned that the hospital in her community is LAYING OFF, but you still can't seem to comprehend that.

How many under-ten year old children live in your home right now?

Again, I'm so thankful to know that your hospital will reimburse for educational expenses. Are you offering to pay the OP to relocate herself and her family? I bet she'd be pretty grateful!

:eyes:
:sarcasm:

I cried for a few hours, and my mom came over to hug me, god bless her.
Called the rental agency, and since I have such a good rapport with them, they are willing to let me break it up over the month.
In fact, if i wanted to try getting my folks to just buy this place, it could be an option, who knows. Maybe paying property taxes would be easier than this bullshit... even without the 'help' from welfare/foodstamps and HUD...I'd rather be free.

Thing is, I *just* started to get this house to a place where we started to feel 'at home' and i am NOT going to let anyone take that from us!
So I will tap my connections, beat the bushes and see where I can make up the $ difference.

my mom made a good point, she has watched me struggle through this system and bullshit since i was 22, and she said.."you always have this happen, you start getting ahead and feeling good about yourself, and they hamstring you for it." this time, she said, don't let them stop me, don't give up.


so i put on my big girl shoes and my lipstick and showed up for my part time job this afternoon just like I am supposed to.

I refuse to let this damn economy and welfare bashing world get to me. I know how smart i am, and I know I can do right by my kids
so fuck 'em

:evilgrin:

I believe that you will win. Hugs to you.

I am waffling between being strong and wanting to scream... even though it doesn't change a thing.

What's coming next, i can tell you... Unemployment, Social Security, TANF and foodstamp cuts for everyone! :toast:
It's either time for a revolt or time to join a commune...

to move back in at least temporarily until you find a job? I'm so sorry for your situation and I hope it has a positive solution at the end of the day.

i have a part time job, need to find more hours, or some more freelancing stuff...

the kid is in bad shape (the abusive ex really messed with his mind and he needs therapy, but didn't respond to it when he had the chance), and we do not do well together, he had to go...my mom is enabling that situation now...

but who am I to talk, i ask my parents for help constantly too...

You are the person that asks for a caring society. You are the person that struggles as you are nicked and dimed to death while trying to survive. Yes, it's you, you are the person that expects more from a President than epic misteps and being in love with his own voice. You are the person that has to listen to strategy using you and your family as bargaining chips in their world of no problems economic or otherwise, they see you as fodder for their talking points.

I am so sorry for you situation. You deserve better from this society. We all do. Many on our side do not give a shit about that though. They are concerned with keeping one person from looking bad at all costs.

...and yes, I am one of those who think our President and ALL of congress are bought and paid for....and the 2% will continue to squeeze us until we are dry...

My teen is unemployed and trying to get financial aid for school, who knows. and no, he can;t move back in, we are seriously at odds and barely speaking...he is living in a cabin with a roommate and they are living on pnut butter and cereal basically...and the good graces of my mother. (some enabling going on, but who am I to talk? we are all screwn these days)

I dunno, just have to keep trying the different channels to get more hours here or there somewhere. Kmart is hiring, but I have terrible arthritis and can't stand for long periods...though I still don't qualify for disability or anything... we don;t wanna talk about medical stuff. One of my kids has a birth defect, and she doesn't qualify for any assistance either...(cuz she is only blind in ONE eye, and has a cyst on her brain, but she's functional, so she's just peachy)

I am waiting for it all to crumble, but unfortunately, when it does, we will be in worse shape, and without ammo.

I suppose though, the proximity of your parents/roots keeps you there.

I will keep my antenna up for any internet/off site stuff that I hear of. I work at a hospital too and they do have positions like transporter, clerk etc. Some positions they only offer per diem (w/o benefits) but I think the phlebotomy team is regular-- but I see your issue with daycare precludes you from rotating shifts and regular office hours.

Teenagehood is tricky under any circumstances and your teen's situation/history makes it harder. Eventually he will "grow up" and then be the sane loving person/child you knew and loved (((hugs)))- I know that was tough for you. If you are ever at the point where you are ready to pull up stakes for something completely different, come on over to Central NY (nice community, very affordable) and I'd be happy to help you pick a neighborhood, school and show you around. Things are not booming here but there are opportunities and 5 different hospitals as well as a university, state colleges etc and a functioning public transportation system. I think you need more choices but still understand your desire to fight for your stability/home.

I have thought about 'pulling up stakes' many times, but the uncertainty of income and LIFE keep me from stepping out of the comfort zone.
besides, i can do online design and freelance stuff, so ya, anything you hear of is great.

and i refuse to let the turkeys get me down...I like where i am and what i do, I am just starting to feel confident about my SELF again after many years. I also have a pending health issue i need to handle before the end of the year, so moving right now would be off the table anyway...

and thanks for the compassion too :hug:

I'm not sure how hard up it would be for the owner to find a new renter who pays on time and hasn't wrecked the place. These owners who are leasing to people know that a lot of people are losing their homes, so they are increasing rental amounts even though they know they don't need to. Even though people are losing their homes, it doesn't necessarily mean that the new "renters" have that type of money to rent a home. Not sure where you live, but that is a high rent for a 3 bedroom home.

Also, have you tried to get approved for maybe a Habitat for Humanity type of home. It seems as though you would qualify. Or perhaps you could find an apt renting type option where you could live on the property and work in the leasing agency. HR management should be enough type of qualification to work in an apt complex as a leasing agent or something like that. You may receive a bit less pay for a cheaper rental space, but you would have a job, pay, and a rough over your head.

Its just not easy in America getting knocked down. The ability to crawl out of the hole is nearly impossible. And until we get people to stand up and stop being abused by our so-called reps, then your story is just one of millions that continues throughout this country day after day. Sad, sick, pathetic country that can only manage to bomb families in far away countries, while ignoring the people and their needs within this country.

I don't know about reducing the rent, but i like the Habitat for Humanity idea...there are chapters in CA & NV nearby...

I tell ya, you are spot-on when you talk about me being one of millions... it's so sad, but There's this part of me that won;t give up. I guess it's my inner "rebel" ;)

I hope things improve for you. I really do. I struggle even with a pretty decent job.

I think the best thing I have going for me is the rebellious attitude ;) I refuse to let the turkeys get me down!