The 50 Most Loathsome Americans of 2010

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41) Christine O’Donnell
Charges: Doesn’t understand that separation of church and state is in the Constitution; doesn’t understand that you can’t pay rent with campaign contributions; doesn’t understand that lying to Nazis would’ve been moral; doesn’t understand that you can’t run for Senate and repeatedly lie about your education without being found out; doesn’t understand that being pro-life in cases of rape and incest makes one a monster; doesn’t understand climate change; doesn’t understand evolution; doesn’t understand that you can’t breed genetically altered mice with fully functional human brains; doesn’t understand that being a single, “chaste” thirty-something who obsessively evangelizes against masturbation and gay sex gives anyone with even a vague appreciation of human nature the likely correct impression that you’ve had your finger in more dykes than the Little Dutch Boy. Just doesn’t understand.
Aggravating factor: “I’m not a witch; I’m you.”
Sentence: Burned at the stake.


40) Charlie Rangel
Charges: It’s understood that corruption is our legislators’ raison d’être. Rangel so aptly plays the character of a crime boss that his image should jump to mind whenever you hear the words “member of Congress.” He dresses like John “Dapper Don” Gotti, sounds like Marlon Brando’s Vito Corleone, and looks like the Joker as played by Cesar Romero. Rated by the Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington as one of the most corrupt congressmen the past three years.
Aggravating factor: If John Q. Douchebag used Congressional letterhead to solicit funds for a college center named in his honor, had $600K in unreported income and assets, and didn’t pay taxes on his Caribbean home—to name three of Rangel’s 13 known violations—he wouldn’t be read a sternly worded letter by Nancy Pelosi. He’d go to jail. For a very long time.
Sentence: “Dancing With the Stars.”

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37) Insane Clown Posse
Charges: Worst clown PR since John Wayne Gacy. In 2010, their video for “Miracles” had a virus, as the kids say, and dimly highlighted the end of American hegemony. With rhymes weaker than Larry King’s urine stream, the Detroit duo have inexplicably cajoled disaffected teens into wearing clown makeup and attaching social status to Faygo Cola. They’re called Juggalos. And it’s wrong.
Aggravating factor: “Fucking magnets, how do they work?”
Sentence: Forced to deliver the graduation speech for the University of Phoenix Online, they aimlessly wander the hellish Arizona city in search of the campus and die of exposure.

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29) George W. Bush
Charges: Worst. President. Ever. Should be in hiding for fear of prison or mob violence, but he was yukking it up on the talk shows, joking about his dad’s withered nutsack and promoting his ghost-plagiarized, revisionist memoir Decision Points, for which he was paid an obscene $7 million for the first printing alone. Told Matt Lauer on “Today” that “one of the most disgusting moments” of his presidency was when Kanye West said, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people,” which was the least offensive outburst of West’s outburst-plagued career. So a megalomaniac pop star’s unscripted slight was worse than 9/11, Abu Ghraib, the Haditha massacre, the Virginia Tech shootings and the roughly 2,000—mostly African American—Katrina casualties, which West was referring to and you were largely responsible for due to criminal levels of sloth, indifference and incompetence? Motherfucker.
Aggravating factor: Remember when he went to Haiti after the earthquake, shook that guy’s hand and then wiped his hand on Bill Clinton’s sleeve? That.
Sentence: Made to read Decision Points in jail.

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Fuckin Magnets
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Charges: Like Sacha Baron Cohen mixed with G. Gordon Liddy’s fetid stool. Embodies every sniveling, Docker-clad College Republican to ever overlook the 9th fairway and obtusely bemoan lower class entitlements. A Breitbart disciple, he sparked the ruin of ACORN, an honorable advocacy group for the poor, by dressing like a pimp and editing like Leni Riefenstahl. In college, he decried learning about foreign cultures because he considered it an affront to American values. Those same values went unperturbed by the white supremacist meetings he’s attended. This year, he got busted trying to mess with Senator Landrieu’s office phones and attempting to “seduce” CNN’s Abbie Boudreau on a boat with fuzzy handcuffs and porn. Lately he’s been stalking a New Jersey special ed provider in order eliminate any remaining doubt about what an asshole he is.
Aggravating factor: “It is time, as Hannah said as we walked out of the ACORN facility, for conservative activists to ‘create chaos for glory.’”
Sentence: Sold into Bacha Bazi.

Dimwit.

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