I am another budget cut.

I know it's only a matter of time until the rich
Begin to cut my SSI payments and medicaid.
Whittling it away to the point I cannot survive.

They'll cut my access to therapy and any services
I use to be safe and function in life.
The fucking bullies in this world want people like me dead.

Well ,if I cannot get the means to survive in this world,I might as well kill myself. Better to die fast by my own hand than suffer slowly by a thousand budget cuts and the sneering of people who like to blame the poor and disabled for causing their own problems,and the comfortable callous that don't care..

I admit it. I hate this world and the sociopath system exploiting it right back. I never was asked if I wanted to pay to exist,yet here I am paying.I never chose to be born,or live the fucked up family I have, I never desired to keep suffering from their traumas and the other traumas asshole people chose to put upon me. I never wanted to be traumatized and have it make me crazy,to the point I can't cope. I never asked to be a failure in life,to not 'be somebody' better or of worth,yet I feel so very worthless as I await my death stabs that every budget cut is designed to do.

I never wanted my life to be hell like this,but it is a hell inside my head,my life I cannot bear alone ,and I dunno if I will ever get better and be able to handle things. I don't hope for anything good anymore,because hope is painful when it is crushed.I have no vision for 'my future' because I feel mine is DOA.

I was never taught things that most people learn earlier in life.Simple skills I never got to learn since I was in mental hospitals and the psych system during teen/young adult years that most people use to build those skills up..I admit I dunno what to do with my life.I am not a good candidate for a corporation to hire because I cannot turn a blind eye to abuse or corruption I won't turn away. My consience and honesty about things I see makes me a threat to power structures that are hierarchical.. I cannot just do my job and depend upon the kindness of corporate authoritarian exploiters on a face to face level without being triggered. I dunno how to 'pretend',be 'normal 'enough to fit in or handle things others seem to handle better than I do.I dunno if I want to learn to cope with my own systemic exploitation and theft of my time,labor or well being as a tool to make rich men richer.

I bust my ass in therapy, I do my best to get my shit together,I have dealt with a lot of my issues.More remain,and I do not know how deep the wounds go in my psyche ..I find it is maddening that the moment I begin to feel "stabilized" emotionally ...Seems the rug gets yanked out from under me,by a bunch of authoritarian bullies or the bean counters. Bean counters who I will never meet, who have no clue how much struggle I face in my own head everyday and don't care one bit about the well being of the unfortunate ones everywhere.

But if it does not matter to them ,obviously I don't matter. So,politically I am invisible,the rich want to cut the threads holding my mind and life together,for what? Why?

Is it all just to please a bunch of loud, stupid and vicious people? To appease the sociopaths among us ,the corporate piggies,to obey the evil rich and controlling assholes? Reagan worship at the altar of efficiency the poor sacrificed because the scraps were never meant to trickle down??

Who are these political sadists that so many people give their power to exist ? People in comfortable lives most will never know begging for government subsidies that dwarf the entire cost of SSI and the services that help me cope with this life I can't cope with, but may someday be at peace with one day.

What am I supposed to feel or do in a world that wants me dead,sees me as a useless burden and wants me to suffer more than I do now .A comfortable insulated petulant greed of the few that demands I just accept all the trauma,manipulations,, bullshit,injustice and poverty that the financially and socially comfortable so enthusiastically impose and afflict on the poor and disabled.

As disabled people and the poor face more cuts,and even more cuts to come, is it all because a few assholes who are stupid,evil,selfish and rich have got that much power and people in general hate the poor and disabled so much they can get away with murdering us slowly and nothing will be done to stop this gobbling parasite predator in our midst,the rapacious wants and social depravity of the fortunate ones?


How long until I am told I am to be cut off,cut to the point I cannot survive anymore? I dread the day of my abandonment. How long must I endure ..until suicide is preferable to existing in pain and not being able to afford to pay to exist and cope with life?

What happens to disabled and poor people when relief from mental illness/psychiatric injuries
is only reserved for rich people?
When medicines that help me sleep are only given to the rich?
When any sort of stability in life is something only the rich have?
When a safe home is priced out of reach for the poor?
When good food is only something the rich can enjoy?
When clean water is something only the rich can get?
When the rich are the only ones who can afford to have kids or pets?

What happens to the poor and disabled when only the ones that can pay out of pocket for help can get help?

Why do the rich always get to decide who gets help,and who does not? Ever notice their choices are based on a very self serving definition of 'worthiness? Why it is always decided in their own favor and what neighborhoods or people that are mysteriously spared the worst of the budget cuts.

Who made THE FORTUNATE WEALTHY the decider's of what happens to the lives of the disabled and poor? Who lets the comfortable ones and the wealthier places the live be first in line to get help for stuff that they don't need ? Why do the financially stable get to point the finger at the poor and disabled as if we are causing the debt banks,speculators,right wing governance and corporations have caused?

And why are the rich always the last in line to pay for anything they take?

Who made the way things are?
And why do we tolerate this?
At what point will ENOUGH people NOT tolerate it?
How many will enough to change it be?


And why do the rich,the right wing, the corporate parasites,the bullies and assholes want me to suffer more,to face stress I cannot handle,to be forced by budget cuts to kill myself or die from the pain of the stress in my life?
It isn't personal,these cuts..it is all for the "good" of the country they say.. But it feels personal to me because the cuts made far away,in bills and budgets I have no say in affects my life in a VERY personal way.

Because death is what happens when people hurt by the world are abandoned by the good people around them because they really believe the lies like"it costs too much tax money" to let undeserving me and others like me live another second.

Do you know how it feels to be a living boogieman used to spook the stupid lies about social security solvency,medicare and medicaid that is not draining the country dry?

Do you know how it feels to be budget cut? Sitting year after year on a chopping block? Another number a statistic helplessly watching the knives from above cutting away the very supports you need bit,by bit carving it up like a fillet mignon for a rich man's meal? How long until I am eaten and my life turned into shit and flushed away?

Let me tell you it is like slow torture to endure waiting for the inevitable budget cut that will spill my guts with a flick of a pen made into a financial weapon. A executioners axe wielded by a politically distant, unreachable, callous, financially comfortable bunch of selfish,syncophantic,hypocritical,deluded and hateful people who will never know what it is like to struggle to avoid suicide, to go without ,to fight an oblivious cost cutting bureaucracy to get help,to have their life ruined by people who abused innocent trust people who lied and hurt me,before I even had a chance to find any meaning in life.

Why? Why do I have to sacrifice more of what I need to survive and will never have to please a bunch of bully penny pinching assholes that lavish wealth from taxpayers on themselves and lie about it.While extorting the people paying for the corporate welfare queens hegemony,demanding people to not care about anyone else's lives especially if they are poor or one of those unfortunate ones over there (insert scapegoat here___).

What will happen to the ones like me on the bottom tier of 'society as the cuts continue?

What will it take for states be forced to ignore the whines of the well off who want me to die?.

I feel so alone,it seems so overwhelming,the dread of tomorrow.Everywhere I turn I am reminded that I caused this misery on myself,from new agers to closet libertarians,it's so easy to blame the unfortunate in life for their own misfortunes rather than empathize with me,because empathy requires one to risk feeling my despair and the conscience stirs and some people would rather pretend it could never happen to them.. Down here in the sub-basement tier of people who are not in or associated with the the fortunate ones,we are seen as burdens,useless,worthless,lazy or liars. But in reality we are the ones that make it possible for wealth and a middle class to exist.We float the economy because we SPEND all we get to exist month to month,the dollars we must spend are put right back into the economy..
http://www.huppi.com/kangaroo/7Welfare.htm
http://www.huppi.com/kangaroo/1THE_REAGAN_YEARs.htm#reaganpage

And those taking my life to the cutting floor are so wealthy they will never be in need enough to be forced to feel ashamed of their financial abuse of millions of people. Still the craven thieves want more power over my life and to get ever more free money all for themselves. While using the low information voter fools,to keep on repeating lies as if it would never be applied to them too,when they let the oblivious,pragmatic,utilitarian and financially comfortable blithely continue destroying the programs that help us survive in the name of drowning the government in a bathtub. If the government is We the people,than corporate cutting away of the government social safety net and supports I need to be able to live, is that what they want to do,to do away with,the 'excess'people?


Did it ever occur to people voting for people who want to destroy the government, that they will destroy the government?

And when the government is being killed by a million cuts, it will destroy many people's means to survive,and thus corporate predators do kill the government, by killing the WE the people.By making sure the people have no access to power to change things. To be elected,it takes money,money I will never be able to get.My past is colorful but people have biases,they vote for appearances( what happened to kuchinich's chances?)They vote for assholes(bush)They vote for a 'strong father figure'. The voters don't get to change anything,the barriers against the poor entering politics are overwhelming.

It is the rich who's lives cost the most to maintain,and it is the rich who need the government to plug the wounds of a predatory culture they made..(plugging the wounds by helping the disabled and the poor so they do not rise up to the exploiters like the Egyptians are doing now).

It is obvious the rich want the government to protect their wealth,predation and fake people corporations from the real living people being hurt by them.(like tort reform).The rich want taxpayer booty to subsidize the same monopolistic entities hellbent on privatizing and cutting until social services will not be able to help anyone. There is not enough private profits in "helping" the millions of capitalism's walking wounded who cannot trust rulers bosses or corporations or believe that greed is goods and exploitation is just,lying to themselves until they become 'human capital' to be used..

Mammon forbid if the bargain basement level of society finds a way to live in peace together and develop the kind of sustaining relationships so all can benifeit from sharing.Find a way and a place to disconnect themselves from dependence on this hateful selfish,sociopathy filled,pay as you exist, wealth concentrating, zero sum game,formed in an inhumane pyramid shaped economic(scam casino)system.God forbid people see through it all and refuse to "play the game" of master and servant,boss and employee,King and serf that game that gets hammered into us from day 1 as the ONLY way to live.

So, I guess I'm a budget cut.
I won 't be killing myself
until I have no other option left to look forward to
but a slow torturous death
by the vicious actions& self serving choices
imposed by proxy or directly on me by the
fortunate ones & bean counters cutting into my well being
making it intolerable to live my life anymore.

Who knows how long it will take until it gets that bad?
I know if people,and people in power believe and trust the
lies about poverty ,SSI medicaid/medicare,and if the rich
are not progressively taxed,and dividends,luxury taxed,if
the 2 stupid wars are continued,and banks get huge sums string free,
and money gets"lost"and unaccounted for,
The cuts are gonna happen to us,and I will be unable to survive.

I was in St. Paul yesterday talking to lawmakers along with thousands of other disabled people and their caregivers to STOP THIS BULLSHIT.


Hang in there. :hug:

long enough to be a major pain in the ass to the corporatocracy.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

in this world. Seek out any help from anyplace you can get it. Don't let the bastards get you down.

:hug:

And even though I know you can tough out circumstances that would make most people turn to goo right away, you have to stick it out 'till I visit.

I can never make promises, but let me know if you're doing anything this summer. I just bought a skeleton of a bike, and I plan on getting greasy with it until it's a real machine.

If I have my 4" penetrating cold-laser by then, I'll bring it along so we can do some experimental neuro-stim on each other. We can make a picnic of it. (Just kidding, of course... I plan on experimenting entirely on myself 1st. If I survive, then hey... if you're up for it...)
:evilgrin: