Honestly, my state never disappoints with the weird.

:banghead:

Florida Man Packs 30 Items For Prison…..In His Ass

Sarasota County, Florida (The Weekly Vice) – Neil Lansing, a 34-year-old Florida man is facing new charges after a long list of items were found in his anus during a booking strip search. According to the Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office, Lansing was booked into jail on Friday after he was sentenced to incarceration at his Drug Court hearing. Investigators say the inmates were undergoing a routine strip search when officers noticed part of what was believed to be a condom protruding from Lansing’s anus. Deputies removed the condom and discovered that it contained a large amount of contraband – 30 items in all! Officers confiscated 17 Oxycodone pills, 1 cigarette, 6 matches, 1 flint, 1 empty syringe with eraser over needle, 1 lip balm container, 1 condom, 1 CVS receipt, and a coupon. Investigators did not go into detail about what Lansing planned to do with a coupon in jail. Lansing now faces additional charges of illegally possessing drugs and tobacco inside a county jail. He is being held without bond.

http://www.thehotglove.com/2011/02/florida-man-packs-30-items-prisonin-butt/

Dude, it's called a filing system. Look into it. Please.

However, I believe you may be getting a phone call soon about the oxycodone pills.

I'm sure that would be one tasty cigarette, too.

Those documents, when scanned, plus a whole lot more, will fit on a tiny microchip.

:shrug:

You don't have to be stoooopid to be a Floridian, but it sure helps.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/435920_border22.html

Federal prosecutors in Seattle have filed charges against a woman accused of blowing through a Canadian border crossing, then speeding back into the U.S. hours later.

Prosecutors claim Andrea M. Schroeder told investigators she thought friends were sending her a message by way of an automated sign at the Blaine border crossing. They also contend she hit 115 mph before a spike strip deployed by state troopers stopped her.

According to a criminal complaint, Canadian border guards reported that Schroeder sped away from the Surrey, B.C., crossing on Thursday after authorities told her to stop for a secondary inspection. Schroeder drove out of the area and was not apprehended.

At 4 a.m. the following day, Customs and Border Protection agents at the Blaine border crossing had to jump out of the way as Schroeder's Ford Focus sped through the checkpoint, according to the complaint filed Friday.

The State Patrol was notified as Schroeder drove onto Interstate 5, a Homeland Security Department special agent told the court. According to charges, Schroeder's car reached speeds of 115 mph before she was ultimately stopped by a spike strip.

Briefly hospitalized, Schroeder was found to be sober, then taken into federal custody, the special agent continued.

According to charging documents, Schroeder told authorities she sped into Canada "because the laws were easier for her" there. She went on to offer an apparently nonsensical explanation as to why she failed to stop when crossing back into the United States.

Schroeder said she believed a "lane closed" sign displayed the name of a friend's husband, the agent told the court.

"Schroeder stated she believed (her friend's husband) and other friends were attempting to have (border patrol) stop her at the border," the agent said in charging documents. "Schroeder stated she needed to flee customs because of the lane closure sign."

Schroeder has been charged with speeding from an immigration checkpoint. She was ordered jailed Friday and is expected to appear March 4 in U.S. District Court at Seattle.

He was told to pack up his shit and go to prison. Simple misunderstanding.

how did all that fit there?

do not bang your head over our state's most colorful characters.

Without them, our great novelists - Carl Hiaasen, Tim Dorsey, et al -- would have no material with which to delight us!

:rofl:

Edited to add: Besides, to quote the official 1986 Florida Tourism slogan, "The Rules are Different Here".

and believe it or not, my extended family in Texas is just as strange so this should be old news, ya know?

Life would be awfully DULL without the weirdos in our lives. ;)

It is how such items are gotten into jail. It happens all the time, and sometimes there are two condoms full of stuff.

This guy just got caught.

Still, a man could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff!

Or not, in this case.

It's got it's own wiki page, don't you know.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectal_foreign_body

Inserting information extracted from WebMD doesn't help.
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/776795-overview

And a picture, well, might leave you speechless.
http://www.asylum.com/2010/12/20/craziest-rectal-foreign-bodies/

... but the link is there for my fellow twisted screws.

She said the x-ray plainly showed the price tag still on the bottle.

<shudder>

This state has long since lost the ability to surprise me.

n/t

and I will leave it at that... as to what can fit in there.

I sure hope he's not planning on returning any of that stuff.

"Here, I changed my mind about this lip balm...."

i wonder how he thought he could pull this off!

:wtf: :wtf: :wtf: :wtf:





:toast: :toast: :toast: :toast:

Pounders


(16oz) gak

Mr. Lansing must have been worried about Florida's ailing tourism industry given how BP has had it's way with our beautiful Gulf of Mexico. With such a highly developed appreciation for "where the sun DOESN'T shine" just think of how he might have helped our state!!
:sarcasm:
:crazy:

to make the rest of the south not look *quite* as batshit crazy.

:hide:

Did they find anything like that in there?

All that stuff must have been a business expense?

I can see it now.

"This product is defective."

"What did you do? Stick it up your ass?"

"Well, as a matter of fact..."

A hardbound copy of "War And Peace", a 2-gallon fishbowl with three guppies, BBQ grill and 6 sirloin steaks, a rubber blow-up doll, and the entire Miami Dolphins cheerleading team.


He can still have a pretty good time in prison...