Congratulate the GOP on their Tax Bill, the Pyrrhicest Victory of All Time. "Pyrrhicest" is a Word.

I think the nonstop insanity of 2017 has finally entirely overwhelmed the GOP. Having passed a universally-despised bill that will certainly destroy their congressional majorities in 11 short months, these delusional old men are partying like it's 1899, and they're all railroad barons.

Well, let's poke through the rubble, see if we can piece together just what the fuck is going on.

(And of course, the post works a little better with links, so check out my site: http://showercapblog.com/congratulate-gop-tax-bill-pyrrhicest-victory-time-also-pyrricest-word-now/)

Doddering Meth Addict Scott Pruitt blew a few thousand taxpayer dollars to have his office swept for bugs, because he is paranoid clown who thinks he lives in a spy novel. Yes, this is the same Scott Pruitt who demanded round-the-clock security, and a $25,000 sound-proof booth for his office, so nobody will hear the unseemly moans he makes when jacking off to photos of oil-covered wildlife suffering in the aftermath of the latest pipeline rupture.

Let me just lift this from the article verbatim: "Government officials have lifted the moratorium on funding for research that involves altering certain viruses to make them more lethal and transmittable."

Heh. Heheheheh. Too perfect. The least intelligent, least responsible, administration in American history wants to fuck around with germ warfare? Fine. Whatever. I lost my mind sometime in June. Bring it on.

...but if you happen to find yourself watching CNN some lazy afternoon, and Jake Tapper and his guests all seem to develop the sniffles at the same time, well...

So, some random maniac popped up on a Fux Nooz panel and casually mentioned that the FBI was probably plotting to assassinate Baron Golfin von Fatfuk because someone said so "on social media." Folks, there are people on social media who think the Browns are going to win the Super Bowl next season. And that's not even factoring in the lizard people crowd.

And it tells you everything you need to know about Fox that they didn't immediately ban this moron for life for telling a national TV audience that THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION MIGHT BE ATTEMPTING TO ASSASSINATE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES BECAUSE YOU READ SOME MORON'S TWEET.

So the whole world hates Tangerine Idi Amin's Jerusalem move, and there's a U.N. vote coming up where the community of nations is expected to condemn it as the act of a Tantruming Man-Child Who Doesn't Know Shit About Shit, which it is.

And of course, Littlefinger and his stooge, U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley, responded as any mature statesmen might, by throwing around empty threats like they're cheap gangsters from movies Joe Pesci turned down.

The great thing about alienating the international community is...nothing. At all. There's no conceivable benefit for America or any of its citizens. Still, I'm sure by the end of the week, the New York Times will find some dipshit who's never read anything longer than the patty melt description on a diner menu, and he'll think it's just ducky.

Failed Witchhunter Trey Gowdy shot his mouth off a bit about how FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe probably wasn't even gonna show up for his interview with Congress, probably because he was going to confess to being Hillary Clinton's corrupt personal sex slave and then commit ritual suicide in shame. And when none of that happened, Gowdy Doody was all, "Yeah, I guess I made all that shit up out of thin air. Kind of like the entire fucking Benghazi investigation. I don't know if y'all have noticed, but I'm not a very smart man."

Foreign Policy reports that alllllllll the way back in January, Shart House Counsel Don McGahn was going, "Siri, is it bad if your National Security Advisor lies to the FBI?" and the Mueller investigation has the records to prove it.

And WHOA IF TRUE because if it turns out McGahn went to Drumpf with his concerns about Mike "The Turkish Delight" Flynn that far back, the already-chubby obstruction of justice case just put on another ten pounds.

We learned that Decaying Frank Capra Antagonist Rupert Murdoch halted publication of a WSJ editorial highlighting Boss Shart's mob ties as he drew closer to clinching his ethically-bankrupt party's nomination. Cuz hey, if you don't report something in the first place, it doesn't have to be fair OR balanced!

Well, the Republican Party successfully passed the least popular piece of legislation in recent history, and, for reasons that escape me, they threw themselves a party. It's like setting the house on the fire, locking yourself inside, and popping champagne.

These dopes really think this turd will get more popular as time goes on. Like, when your dickhead boss drives his shiny new Mercedes to work next summer, you'll be so pleased that you got to splurge and get your tires rotated at your last oil change that you'll just spontaneously call Richard Burr on your lunch break to blubber your thanks.

Susan Collins, clearly nostalgic for the bipartisan praise heaped on her in the heady days of the ACA repeal fight, accused the media of sexism, because she doesn't seem quite so heroic when delivering fat sacks of cash to billionaires.

Senator Collins, let me clarify this for you...while our understanding of the concept of gender is evolving seemingly by the day, distaste for the fact that you're a lying puppet who sold her constituents out to the Republican donor base transcends any conceivable identity. independent of race, creed, color, or gender, all Americans saw what you did this week, and we don't fucking like it.

And the Marmalade Shartcannon celebrated his pathetically-late first victory with a round of his favorite pastime; forcing his subordinates to lavish flowery praise upon him like a third-rate, third-world Generalissimo.

And good gravy, were his craven enablers ever willing! Hats off especially to Mike Pence, who fondled the Trumpal nutsack like a couple of Baoding balls. Orrin Hatch bootlicked spectacularly as well, saying Donnie Two-Scoops is prolly the best President ever, because he somehow managed to get Republicans to cut rich folks' taxes.

Yeah, Orrin...that's some real water-into-wine shit right there. (Epic eyeroll)

I have to admit, watching these men debase themselves, groveling like servants before this loathsome, bloated, crotch fungus of a man...it makes me laugh. How utterly devoid of self-respect would have you to be to say what Pence or Hatch said today?

(In the background, Trent Franks wandered the party clutching a red Solo cup with "WILL ROOFIE 4 SURROGATE" drawn in Sharpie on the side.)

Anyway, enjoy the "victory." The nation hates the bill, and the fuckheads who passed it. Me, I look forward to watching Democrats run on repealing it, kick your collaborating asses out of office, and then claw Bob Corker's signature kickback right out of his greedy little pocket.

I suppose I should mention how Shartboy took a moment in his Celebration of American Oligarchy to tell Steve Scalise that getting almost murdered in the hail of a lunatic's bullets was "a helluva way to lose weight."

At least now we know why our President won't even ban bump stocks...in his eyes, the massacre in Vegas was just one big Jenny Craig camp.

Oh, and the Candycorn Skidmark bragged about how he'd "essentially repealed Obamacare," but nobody noticed, because he's just so dang crafty. No, you didn't repeal the ACA ya jag, but you DID ensure that you'll be blamed for the forthcoming premium increases. Nice work, genius.

Back in the real world, the former Trump SoHo Hotel wrapped up sandblasting the President's sharty little name off every surface on their grounds. What I'm saying is, congratulations, Senator Hatch n' Friends, for tying your fortunes so irreversibly to a man who is so widely hated that businesses are literally paying to back out of their associations with him.

Meanwhile, Devin "Pigfucker" Nunes pulled out of Ma Hackett's prized sow long enough to apparently launch a little side "investigation" designed to paint the FBI as hopelessly corrupt for investigating the President in the face of increasingly-overwhelming evidence that he and his team have broken a fuck-ton of laws.

Nunes is such a cartoonish little weasel, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that there is no pillar of American democracy that the Trumpiest wing of the GOP won't merrily knock over to protect their crooked God-Emperor. The dustbin of history can't get here soon an enough. Keep an eye on these fucks, Resisters.

On the other side of the aisle, Virginia Senator Mark Warner took the floor to say, "Hey Fuck-O. If you're thinking of firing Bob Mueller, you'll have to go through me first."

Be like Mark Warner. Stand with Mark Warner. Actually, just look up Mark Warner and tell him, "Thanks for standing up for us, bro."

Yeah, shit be cray, folks. I never thought shit would get so cray that a political party would throw a party for their own funeral, but hey...it ain't the first time I've been surprised this particular calendar year.