He thinks because his head is pretty much all covered with that architectural wonder of a hairstyle, he still has a full head of hair. I have no doubt when he looks in the mirror, this is the image he sees:

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does or does his mirror talk to him???? who's the meanest of all???

'Dresses like a limo driver.'

My brother is general manager for a successful Seattle limousine company, and he makes sure his drivers are all very presentable. He sets the example by wearing affordable, but well-tailored suits.

On all other points, +100.

4. Go soak your head.

It's a simple rule -- when you are standing, the suit is buttoned (but not the bottom button, unless it's a double-breasted suit. Avoid double-breasted suits - you don't have the build for it!). As you sit down, unbutton the suit.

See -- it's so simple even a Trump could do it!

Far easier to just have his suits made of that stretchy material so he doesn't have to try to remember anything. Otherwise, he'd be undoing his belt when he sits down (like he does at meals), and then buttoning his jacket when he stands up, totally forgetting that his pants have now dropped to his ankles and he's standing there with his mammoth ass exposed to the world. Sort of like Cabinet meetings or when republican congresscritters drop by.

We call that polishing a turd, you can clean it up and polish it all day long. In the end it's still a turd.

His ugliness radiates from within his soul. He could be brought up to date on the outside, but inside he will always be hideous.

The loose bottom dentures is scary looking (or should I say SCARIER looking?).

1. His hair is his signature, his trademark, his one distinguishing feature. If he cut his hair, he would lose his entire base within days.

2. Real men don't diet. They wear girdles.

3. What's wrong with getting suits from Men's Warehouse for $200 a dozen?