Musings of someone who imagines things could be better.

This is becoming far too commonplace for my comfort.

Being a cog in the machine is fraught with constant disappointments.

After my last job with a large multinational company got moved to India, I drained my 401k to cover my bills and tuition to retrain for a new career.

Found a job with a large company I liked and did very well in it.

Now 8 years later, approaching my half-century mark in life, I find myself back to the drawing board soon.

As a result of my knowledge and skills, I was offered an opportunity to join a new project with a team of others selected because we were the because experts in our area.

Our company was bought out by another and now that project has been canceled and with it, our jobs. Rather than offer us another position or going back to what we were doing, we are shown the door.

So, here I am, heading into middle-age. I have HIV and heart disease (not that it has any bearing on my job, just something else to heap onto an already bad situation), a woefully inadequate 401k, a mortgage, and a 20 year old car.

And I ask myself (probably one among millions in similar circumstances), how many times do I have to start again from the bottom? All my seniority, time-off earned, raises, health insurance, etc... will mean nothing. These are the years I should be feathering my nest for retirement and instead, I am facing a job search and with perseverance and a luck, getting an entry level job and doing it again.

In the meantime, the right wing is decimating our safety nets and pushing austerity.

I look to the examples of people who aren't living in today's job market. People who have a pension, a nice home, health care, and all the things we used to get after years of work loyalty that was reciprocated by the company they worked for and are now retired. A good lot of them of republicans now and tea party "activists" who look back on their own experiences and imagine inaccurately, that we have the same opportunities that were available to them.

And my story isn't uncommon. This is the America that Reagan and his ilk have given us. We've been sold an unwashed bill of goods and I can't help but feel the people who gave the republicans the reins have betrayed the generations that come after them.

To be blunt: it sucks. It sucks and it is salt in an angry wound when they look at people in my position and call us lazy and have an entitlement mentality as they look through the world with the filter of their own experience not knowing what it is to live in a world of off-shoring, huge multinational conglomerates, bloated CEO salaries, board members looking only at the next quarters profits and how to squeeze out every bit they can, free trade agreements that decimate our industry, unions that have been demonized, a Wal-Mart in every city, and workers that have been reduced to nothing more than a burden on the company accounting sheets.

If I sound bitter, it is because I am. I did what I was supposed to do. I served my country. I educated myself, worked, and re-educated myself and worked to try to avoid the crushing poverty and dependence that used to be the face of those lucky enough to live a long life until they couldn't work anymore.

I am not giving up, but damned if my very soul isn't getting tired of this cycle.

I am not lazy or entitled. I am just angry that my dreams of nice plot of land in the country with a modest house and a few years to enjoy them are snuffed out repeatedly.

This is just something I needed to get off my chest.