Breaking: Trump Blames Dow Dump on God

With stock prices plummeting in new intra-day record amounts, President Donald J. Trump is busy speaking in Ohio about his success with economic conditions. When asked about the Dow dropping below 25,000, the President brushed it off, saying, "Well, maybe the Good Lord is sending a message to Americans to start falling in line and supporting me. I have the best stock advice. Tremendous stock advice, believe me! People had better get on board and stop this Hillary/Obama stock market crash, or things will get worse. I alone can bring the stock market back up, I hate to say."

Financial experts were left with their mouths agape after their jaws dropped on hearing this. One seasoned financial market analyst said, simply, "WTF is that idiot blathering on about?"

More analysis after the NYSE closes this afternoon...