guess would be that the wedding vow cemented his thought that she was now his "property" - his to do with as he wished. He could also have such self-loathing that he feels contempt for anyone willing to marry him.

I understand that marriage could mean "ownership" to someone like him. The abuse, then, seems reminiscent of master/slave relationships. The master must "break" the slave's will. It's a horrible comparison and equally horrible for what it implies about who knows how many marriages.

stating they would "obey". Part of this - I believe - has cultural roots.

commitment. I don’t know, just a guess. Whatever it is, the guy has exhibited an alarmingly dangerous pattern and it’s a good thing both women made it out of those marriages alive.

Edit: posts 1, 2, and 3 raise a great point. I agree with what they’re saying as well.

Sweet, loving new hubby turns mean soon after the wedding. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing that now that he "owns" her he feels like he can get away with doing whatever he wants with her.

of course weddings are generally happy occasions, but they're also very stressful and a once in a lifetime affair (ok, maybe a twice or thrice in a lifetime affair, but still).

it's all too easy for a controlling spouse to be pissed off that something did not go as planned or hoped, and to blame the other spouse.

and if they're given to violence, then it may very well come out on the honeymoon if not the wedding night itself.


add to that the "ownership" view the controlling spouse might have and the permanence of marriage, violence may seem to be the only means to impose their control over the situation.


note, i'm just trying to offer an explanation, not in any way endorsing the multiple sicknesses that are involved in abusive behavior.

"The prize is finally mine-- I won it; the papers are signed, and there's no turning back. Tonight you finally meet me. The real me. The me who was afraid you'd leave if you saw him -- and you would have, and you could have. But not now. Now you are a possession of mine. You are carpet. You are furniture. Tonight, I will make you see that. I will make you see me. The ring on your finger ensures you will not leave."


The Psychology of Abusive Relationships by Pamela Kole

They are often in a very big hurry to get married. Sadly, at the beginning of the relationship, they are often extremely caring and kind. It's ironically called the "honeymoon" period. Once you are married, it is very common for the abuse (usually controlling behavior) to begin almost immediately. Roughly speaking, they are in a hurry because they can't keep up the gentle behavior for long, and once married, there is this pent up need to control. In some cases it can start right after the proposal and slowly escalate all the way to the "altar".

Afterward, all bets were off. Honestly, I had not tried finding out how long the relationships were prior to the weddings, but I did suspect he rushed into marriage.