Thanks William 769!

entire family...3 GENERATIONS!
FUCK FUCKERBERG! His solution is to send out postcards vial USPS?
How stupid does he think we are...oh wait. He's right. The US, Fux Ruse watching AmeriKKKan Komrads are definitely that stupid. That is why I said the Fucking Moron would win (and stood by that statement) up until Nov 9, 2016!

Fuckerberg wears an "every man t-shirt" here in the US. When he visits Russia and China he wears suits and speaks their languages with ease. He is part of the problem and the problem is GREED and sociopathy.
He is an AmeriKKKan TRAITOR!

I don't do news feeds, and I trash Trump Trolls whenever they pop up.

iPhones have FaceTime. Do Android phones have something similar?

Facebook is a blight on our society.

These kids today! They all have smart phones but they never use the telephone!

with you.

Maybe you could set an example.

How can you say Facebook is a blight when you clearly don't know what it is?

Thanks for your thoughts, however.

I was offering suggestions for Wounded Bear.

There are many examples of how dangerous Facebook is, however. Think of the cyber-bullying, the fake news posted by bots and the 2016 elections are just three examples that demonstrate my point.

Nonetheless, if you like Facebook, pnwmom, enjoy it.

I interact with family and friends on Facebook. I play Scrabble and a couple of other games. I usually come here for news and politics. Throughout the election I was quick to point out "click-bait" sites and fake news from both the right and the left. I also eliminated any friends who displayed racist or Trumpist tendencies.

Facebook can be a part of one's life without being destructive. It depends on how you use it. I suppose the gullible shouldn't spend much time there.

I don't use Facebook but millions do and seem to like it, relying on it for social contact with family, friends, etc.

"Most of the coverage of Russian meddling involves their attempt to effect the outcome of the 2016 US election. I have seen all of the Russian ads and I can say very definitively that swaying the election was *NOT* the main goal," one of Goldman's tweets read.

https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/17/politics/white-house-responds-mueller/index.html

I read your article, but it states Trump 'tweeted' these things, not 'facebooked' them

It was Rob Goldman from facebook tweeting to trump. That right there should tell you something.

no surprise there!

I never see anything having to do with lying because I do nothing political at all on FB, have no right wing 'friends'(real or cyber)...

So for me it is something of a godsend...

I mostly use it to post pictures of my kids for their grandparents & relatives who live out of state to see. Both of them are competitive athletes (track, gymnastics.) I don't look at the ads. They don't interest me.

just because you don't see right wing lies, doesn't mean you don't see lies, troll farm propaganda etc. the russian MO is to divide us. there is no need in posting pro-trump items on your feed, you're not going to be won over. but you can be tugged more to the left, furthering the divide. facebook is the tool doing this.

Facebook is a platform, nothing more nothing else.

You get the irony, don't you?

In my case, my local friends are much less diverse, politically speaking, than FB friends. In Seattle, 83% voted for Hillary, and fewer voted for Trump than for Stein. So FB gives me more of a chance to interact with people who don't think like most Seattle people.

the troll farms play both sides. of course it happens both here on DU and on facebook.

hey there, uncle ray,. what in the world are you talking about?



maybe you replied to the wrong post...



or.....

maybe you should read posts before you reply to them..

My facebook friends are very diverse (politically, ethnically, educationally, religiously, and to some extent geographically).

On DU there is no political diversity, religion is treated with extreme skepticism - as are states and groups of people who are stereo typically Republican (rural, less educated, for example).

I have had extended, polite, and productive discussions on facebook about abortion, the #MeToo movement, racism, health care, etc. These conversations include voices from across the political spectrum - and at least 3 trump acolytes have told me that I'm the only liberal they talk to about these issues because all of the other liberals just scream at them. One of these was a family member - but the other two are people I have never met in real life - but with whom I have facebook friendships because we have a personal or family health condition in common. I don't know whether what they "hear" will stick, but in each conversation we reach a point where at least a small light goes on.

On DU - not so much. Anything that is not within the current party line is routinely and, I am now convinced, targeted by coordinated alert stalking. (I used to think people who were making accusations about alert stalking were paranoid/conspiracy theorists - until it happened to me. In a period of about a week, I was informed by several jury members that they had served on ridiculous alerts on some of my posts. One was ultimately hidden, but reversed by the admins). Those warnings not to step out of line mean that I self-censor here in a way I don't on facebook. On facebook, my only concern is how broadly I want to share whatever it is that I'm posting - which is sometimes very political and/or persona/ My facebook is filled wtih family, friends, former students, current work peers, members of medical support groups, (largely very conservative) high school classmates, and a handful of queer groups in which I'm involved. On DU, when I post anything that is not smack dab in the center of DU ideology, my decision is based on how strongly I feel about a particular issue, and how much energy I have to tolerate being yelled at to get back inline, and to be able speak my piece and then walk away (because it has been a long time since I've seen alight bulb go off in this little self-reinforcing echo chamber).

I just lost a facebook friend I am pretty sure I never met in person. I was not the only such person whose life she touched. We did not agree politically, and she was far more christocentrically religious than I am. She had the same disease as my daughter. She also had a wicked sense of humor and we shared a love of our fur-babies. She was nearly always within the first 5 people to "like" nearly every post I made. We had conversations about political issues, although far more about other issues.

Yes - facebook can make the divide greater. I read all the time on DU about people purging all their repuke friends on facebook. But I don't see any inherent difference from what I see on DU - people talking about purging DU of trolls (at least some of whom are progressives who lust happen to see more nuances on an issue than many on DU are willing to explore)

I am trying to put together a clear and simple understanding on why this needs to be destroyed.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210253762

She's a private citizen now, she'll learn.

What about, like, every elected Democratic Official?

Let's put everyone in (candidate) group on ignore!
Let's alert swarm everyone in (candidate ) group and get them suspended!
Let's start spin off sites where all we do is bitch about DU

And here's one that applies today: if Bernie Sanders were to run against Trump, he has a good chance of winning. The Russians are going to have to go after him, correct? So when will their Bernie bashing start?

'cuz it already has right here. I was no Bernie supporter and have the hides to prove it.

But I aint gonna bash him no more. I ain't carrying water for the Russians

As to my statement, it has to start somewhere why not me? I've gone it alone before.

This is called Democratic Underground, but it's a name from another time and place. Now, it's Passive Agressive World.

I would have flagged that alert.

Some friends, a family member and old classmates started getting offensive with rhetoric against obama. I didnt want it to kill relationships, including 30 yr friendships, but trump ended up doing that eventually. I cannot IMAGINE how bad it is now, and could not tolerate it. I would not be able to eventually heal those relationships, if I had to listen to any worse than back then. There would be a point of no return. I still have hope of that. Some of them will snap out of it and realize how horrible theyve been. That they've been brainwashed.

I haven't been on FB since 2014. I had my professional reputation destroyed by a (former) friend making racist posts on my wall. They were screenshotted and circulated before I could delete them.

That is so messed up! I really hope you’re alright now. I do wish you the best. I do believe that’s better than “prayers & thoughts and thoughts & prayers.” That has a certain ring to it! 😀

The horrors!

Sometimes we use drums. We are working on stringing a telegraph wire, but you have no idea how much a pain in the ass right of way access is through town.

social networking to help book sales, communicate speaking events, to share information.

We should not be as authoritarian as "they" are.

Then by all means use facebook.

hobbies. I guess you are pretty unsophisticated in your understanding of such things. Very disappointing to see authoritarian, broad brush strokes here. Trashing my wife and daughters as well...I guess we are all just not as smart as you are.

Maybe it is time for you to start a new website to trash all facebook users in peace.

Sorry you see it differently.

BIG difference.

The people who pay for the ads aren't trying to waste their money by paying for people like us to see them. There is a way to check with FB to see what Russian ads you've been exposed to, and I hadn't seen any. I'm sure it's because I never "liked" any of the things that would make me a good target.

I don't pay attention to ads on Facebook and I am selective about who I accept as a friend. I am involved in groups about genealogy, photography, film, and family. I created a page for my colorized photos. My political friends and I have own private group on Facebook where we can comfortably discuss issues.

I am older and don't get out much anymore. I rely on Facebook to keep in touch with family and friends. I have even found long-lost relatives on Facebook. Family post photos of children and vacations. Very few people I know use email anymore.

Facebook is a tool and how people use it is up to them. I think it would be better to pressure Facebook to improve, not discard it completely. Social media is part of our world now and its not going away.

to keep up with family and friends. Also, I've set up a FB page for my local Democratic Women's club chapter in my ruby red county. We don't have the money for a website so FB and email are our communication means.

I take your point but needs must.

It works for me, and I can (and do) ignore anything that looks questionable.

It does make it easier for people to find each other. But I don't like it as much for family. I know some people seem to find it great for family connection but for me it's been the opposite. I think it's made connections lazier. People just seem to think an occasional FB post and message is plenty now and seem to make a lot less effort than they used to. I miss the old ways when people called and wrote and visited more. So, it's a mixed bag for me.

I use Facebook to post information about the organizations I belong to. It is helpful in reaching potential members.

Is still good for facebook.

First week in December we had the largest fire in California history. A month later we had a rain-induced debris flow in part of the same region. Both were fantastically destructive and not only were a bunch of people left with nothing but the clothes on their backs, but in the second instance people died.

There's a LOT I don't like about FB and its owner, but in this instance local officials and private citizens spread absolutely necessary information by this means. Recovery is still ongoing, and to say it has fallen off the front pages of the usual news sources is an understatement. FB is the means by which those of us affected stay connected.

putting out messages and then finding their missing relatives.

What a nightmare you all went through. Are people starting to get their lives put back together?

But it came so close, and of course the hills around us are dangerously denuded. There are whole streets where we looked at houses for sale last spring -- just gone. Our understanding from insurance adjustors is that it will take homeowners a solid two years before they can rebuild and move back into a new home where the old one was.

The extent of the fire was at least 40 miles lengthways, probably more. The worst disaster was 30 miles away in Montecito. The half inch of rain a month later that fell on us in Ventura over 10 or 12 hours did little good, but no harm. The same half inch balled itself up into a freak weather cell that got dumped all at once onto the fire-bare hills of Montecito and turned liquified earth into a debris flow that swept houses, cars, and boulders the size of houses and cars along. The mind reels.

The freeway was absolutely closed, buried. The workaround to get from Ventura to Santa Barbara (usually an hour commute or less along the 101) was a 6-hour detour over and around the mountains. For awhile a boating company called Island Packers took people by sea who really needed to make the trip.

To my astonishment, the freeway was reopened in 2 weeks. Montecito is still trying to dig out. People whose homes were spared are back. Businesses too, those that were spared. Volunteers from surrounding communities are forming "bucket brigades" to help people retrieve what they can, and if possible to save homes otherwise still standing from being utterly ruined by the mud that deluged them. Facebook posts of items found along the debris flow are an attempt to reunite survivors with their possessions. In one case an Olympic Torch was unearthed. In another case a piece of statuary belonging to a couple who died was identified by family members who will at least have that to remember them by.

The size of some of the boulders is so immense that they actually have to be dynamited to get them out of the way. I read an article about a science paper some published several years ago analyzing how this could happen, and using as an example a nearby place called Rocky Nook Park. As always, it's a matter of geography, geology, and freak weather, and according to the 2 scientists who did the research, it's something like a thousand-year event.

If those areas ever do.

I'm so glad, though, for you!

I joined it long ago to be in a group of the first million people for Obama.

Then stayed for pics of family and close friends, have a few friends I have met on other forums that have added me on FB.

I only have one friend who most of the time isn’t a problem but lately I just delete her posts. I use to work with her, nice girl but she voted for Jill and rather than get political I just delete posts.

I have posted about the womens march but mostly FB is not something I post on daily, mostly to show pics to family of places we go for fun, hikes and such.

I have a wonderful golden retriever and belong to a golden group so I see adorable pics daily. This keeps me from going nuts in this crazy world.

I do NIA dance and my teacher and others are friends I hear about the events through this, same with restaurants, wineries, and places that have music.

So while I wish there was something besides FB that my whole life was on not happening.

I don’t belong to any political groups anymore on it because of the last election, i was smart enough to know a bunch of lies were being spread all over and I wanted none of it.

I come here mostly for politics even though I mostly keep quiet. Been here since working on Kerry campaign.

discussions that wouldn't have occurred otherwise.

There still are some people, especially traditional Republicans (like Nicole Wallace, Ana Navarro, and Steve Schmidt) who are reachable. And I'm going to keep reaching. (And have gotten some surprising thank you's sent by DM. One was from a young woman who hates Trump -- but her husband voted for him. She needs support.)

And when I see fake news, I post some real news site I think the person might consider.

I don't think the solution is to hand FB over to the Russia bots.

Use it, don't let it use you. I've connected with people I wouldn't have otherwise.

Yes, Russians use it for manipulation, but they also use twitter, even du.

Calling all of us who use Facebook "part of the problem" is not accurate.

many of those same people were posting their drivel here.

It wouldn't have helped if people like us had left, as difficult as it could be sometimes.

seem to have stopped them.

There is nothing that will make Zuckerberg clean up his act short of a boycott. It doesn't have to be forever. But it does have to show him that he can't take you for granted and can't depend on you to continue giving him eyes, thus money, when he is acting in a way that is dangerous to our democracy.

Facebook has a valuable place for many of us that has absolutely nothing to do with politics.

Last year someone very close to me committed suicide. I found out about it through FB. Had it not been for FB it's hard to say how long it would have taken to get the news. And ten days after that death there was a memorial for him for which 200 people showed up, most of whom would not have learned of the death, let alone the memorial, for weeks.

So no. You are overgeneralizing inappropriately.

means.

As long as facebook knows there a problem with ads & won't address it because they make money off of said ads. So yes people who use facebook are the problem.

I could give more instances but I apparently hit a raw nerve (like when you take candy from a baby).

I've said all I am going to say on the subject. I've been alone in other fights, so this is not new to me.

I hope everyone has a good evening.

Use to contact my friends, family and interest groups, nothing more.

U might not like it but they do.
And if nobody challenges the moron folks will assume thoes morons are correct

GOOGLE!

there.

I use Facebook to keep in touch with friends and events. Your dismissive generalizing may also be part of a problem. The whole 'for us or against us' mentality never works. Together, we stand; divided, we fall.

My husband--a Democrat, a voter, a donor to Democrats' campaigns, a phone banker, a great person--loves Facebook because it allows him to keep in touch with far-flung childhood friends and our large extended family. Not being on Facebook hobbles my communications with my Indivisible chapter. One of the daily issue/daily phone call texts I receive puts scripts on Facebook and, so, I can't view them.

My hope is that the current executive team is dismissed and regulations are put in place. That, or I'd like to see a clean competitor arise.

BTW, I'm still on Twitter and Instagram and that fact makes me itchy. Instagram will be the next to go for me. (I read Insta took down Navalny's photos of Deripaska and the Russian official as Putin wished.) Twitter provides feedback from so many of the voices that I appreciate hearing but it's as dirty as Facebook.

I don't think these platforms will collapse because Resisters leave. I think regulatory oversight and new, uncompromised competitors who lure people away with a better product are our best hope.

Stay on all three and use your voice!

Sorry, no. I use it and I'm part of nobody's problem.

My late soulmate used FB to find me after we'd been lost to each other for 30 years. We had seven years of ecstasy together before I got to hold her hand as she died last September.

I have a relatively huge FB family of smart, compassionate, caring, nuanced people who supported me when she died. Without them, I'd have been lost; I had no real life friends left, because in the last seven years I hadn't even wanted to talk to anyone but her. My FB family celebrated our reunion, and supported me in my grief after she died. I love those folks, and the platform that allowed our tight little community to form.

I shouldn't have to justify my FB use to political pissants, here or anywhere else, but there it is. There's more to life than politics.

So, not just "No," but "Fuck no!"

finds it a great resource to keep in touch with family and friends that are half a world away. With a new baby in the family, it's quite the family-building resource.

Local political activism in my city makes heavy use of Facebook. I keep up with what's happening, who's happening, and where it's happening that way.

People seem to enjoy the writing and photography I post.

I'm many years and miles removed from my beloved hometown, but I keep up with people, memories, and current news from there.

I've re-connected with like-minded, politically active old friends, and we keep each other abreast of what's happening politically.

I also support candidates and movements through Facebook; I make contributions through it, just like I do on DU.

I'm glad you're back, William, but I'm fucking pissed at you for fucking declaring that I'm part of the fucking problem because I fucking use fucking Facebook. I will continue to fucking use fucking Facebook. Don't paint me personally with a broad fucking brush like that.

I wonder if the Brazilian, Thai, South African, Lithuanian and German (for example) FB users who also read DU are to be dipped in this shame bucket too? How about Canadian progressives like me? Facebook isn't populated just by American users. Maybe we Canucks can buy indulgences to cleanse us of our sins, and so continue to use FB in any way we fucking please.

So why should Facebook be any different? Why should we concede DU, or FB, or anywhere else to the trolls?

same thing from happening in 2018.

and have individually notified Facebook members of any ads they were exposed to.

They won't be selling any ads to people not in the country or who want to pay in other forms of cash. And I read somewhere yesterday that they were going to be verifying identities of ad purchasers through mailings via the post office.

with family and friends only....I am NOT about togive it up!

You haven't listened to a damn thing in this thread except in the light of your own self righteousness.

I keep wondering who our devisive voices are, people who tell us what we must be or do to be the 'right kind' or face 'you must love X,Y, or Z awful thing'. This does not educate or unite, it doesn't spread understanding. It divides us. With threads like this/statements and attitudes like that the Russians don't have to do shit, you're doing the job for them.

Oh, wait ...

...telling the truth about Trump.

...the comments on any posts I make. I check out a basket making group about once a month but that's about it. If it closed up shop today I wouldn't miss it.

It's the only way I can stay in touch with friends from grammar and high school, as well as relatives. That way, they know I am doing okay. I avoid political posts. I keep a few grammar school friends who have gone RW as "pets" so I can keep an eye on what the latest memes are. I am an observer of the far right, and it's a more reliable way to keep an eye on them, since many of the people on FB are REAL people and not Russian bots.

I also have an interest in Russia, so it's the only way I can keep an eye on what might be Russian propaganda. Someone has to do it.

it is not going away any time soon. If nobody refutes or debunks those lies in real time they spread faster. People read memes and they read the comments. I will stay and fight the lies I see.

I'm sure it wouldn't take long either.

In the meantime, those who continue to give him eyes encourage him to do nothing. So I have to agree with William's assessment.

You could just as easily say "If you use the Internet, you are part of the problem" or "If you use democraticunderground.com, you are part of the problem".

Both those things are easy to say, and we could even come up some silly reasons to justify saying them.....but those statements still wouldn't be true.

There's no information about me on the site and I intentionally misspelled my name. I could be mistaken for a Russian!

Last edited Mon Feb 19, 2018, 01:06 AM - Edit history (1)

because it seems to be all or nothing with you but I will go ahead and tell a couple of stories.

One is just last month I needed a roommate so I could afford to stay in my home. I have a son. I did not want to post on Craig's List and take in a total stranger for whom someone might molest my son or we could come home one day and find all of our possessions missing. Facebook was a lifesaver. I knew the people on there and asked if anyone needed a place or knew someone who did. I was able to truly feel safe in a way I could not with other social media because I do not know any other social media where my friends and family are on. I have two friends on twitter and I think I may have a friend on Instagram. Do you have friends on Instagram? Not even sure, it has been about five years since I have been on there. I am sorry but I feel much safer being able to cull roommate from folks I know and who can vouch for each other.

The other reason, and the main one above all else as to why I continue to use Facebook, is my son. Let me give you a brief history of my ex-husband's family - there was a pedophile who assaulted a child in the family. The pedophile was also a family member. No one told us about the incident, and the ones that occurred after that one, and they let us be around the pedophile for over a year without us having knowledge of the incident. Our kids were young at the time.

My ex-husband's brother has severe mental problems. The last big blow-up, I know about, was when he wrecked his house and trying ramming in his wife's bedroom door while declaring he was going to kill her. Four cops had to carry him off and he stayed in a mental ward for quite a time after. During that time, he did not like something I said to his wife and he wrote to me threatening me. After how he acted with his wife, I had no reason to doubt he would do me harm.

When I left my husband, after years of mental abuse to me and physical abuse to our youngest (I did not know about this until the final year of marriage), my husband kept our oldest son - one he had never abused. Our kids did not get along together and it was imperative they be split up since they could not be alone together. My husband promised that years after we were estranged from his family, over the above incidents and more, that he would not be going back to them and that he would not have our son around them.

Facebook has been an invaluable tool to keep track of things. I have been able to spy on my exe's family through their posts. I saw when his sister said how nice it was to see my son. I saw the pictures posted of family gatherings where my son was in the pictures. I saw different posts about gatherings and even though my ex said he had not been around his family, and had not had our son around his family, he was made to admit it because of the evidence he had.

Without using Facebook I cannot keep an eye on these people and make sure my son is not brought into harm. So I will politely tell you that while you are pointing fingers at me trying to insure the safety of my children by using Facebook as a tool, you are the one who is a problem for me.

How dare you judge me trying to fucking keep my family safe? You never made allowances for anything. You are very self righteous. Well I hope your self righteousness keeps you warm at night. There is no way I will forgo my children's safety so you can sit up on your throne and judge everyone else. I have been through hell with my ex-husband and his family. It got so bad that for the first time in my life I started having panic attacks. You may have no need for Facebook but my ex coached my son to lie to me about the family gatherings he attended. I would have had no idea the people my son was being exposed to without Facebook. And my ex still does not realize where I got the information because I decide to try to turn them on each other and I said one of his family members was concerned and came to me. He was livid, just like how he used to get when he abused me. He hated for anyting to be out of his control. He demanded (we were separated and I was not living with him!) that I tell him who was talking to me. I would not. So I still have my go to and he was put on notice. Everything seems fine for now. But you cannot tell me that me not using Facebook is more important than my son's well being and life. If you are trying to say that then YOU are a part of the problem.

Try and keep your family safe when those who are abusing it are successful with that.

There is no one who can hold Zuckerberg's feet to the fire and force him to fix this problem other than the users of Facebook. They can only do so by boycotting it.

PS: used to be dem? Interesting.

"demgurl" and then I could not recover my pass word through email since my email was through my asshole abusive exe's business. I had to then make up a new user name so instead of "demgurl" it is Usedtobedemgurl" so people who knew me under that name would know me now! Hmmm, are you implying something? Seriously? Research my posts under this name and the other one. Under the other one I did a well known post about George Will and him being the reason I never reported my rape....which I described in quite gruesome detail. It got picked up by a national publication and I was on the front page.

Not sure what you are trying to imply. My name is supposed to let people know I may not have access to my old account, because my abusive ex would not help me after I left him, but I am still here no matter what. Is this even more interesting to you? Do you want to know more details about my abusive spouse? Should I reprint the letter about George Will? Here........


George Will, You Are The Reason I Did Not Report My Rape

Mr. Will,

I came across your article titled "George Will: Colleges become the victims of progressivism" (http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/george-will-… I had to put down the article several times before being able to read it all. I could not write about an article I had not fully read and so read on I did.

Mr. Will, your article was like a tiny bit of vomit that gets stuck in my throat. I try to wash it down but I cannot seem to get rid of it. The aftertaste is horrible and I am stuck with it.

You obviously do not know anyone who has been raped so let me introduce myself. I am a 45 year old housewife and mother of two. I want you to get to know me so you cannot blindly make comments about that which you now nothing about.

In my early 20's I went to a party. It was at an apartment complex. There was drinking and we all ended up down at the pool. We were all having fun and the next thing I know, I am upstairs in the apartment with a guy I had been talking to. It was a someone I had never met before that night. We ended up on the bed making out but what is the harm in that because I can always say no, right?
Of course, in your article you talk about a woman who said no
(“No, I don’t want to have sex with you.” And then he said, “OK, that’s fine” and stopped. .?.?. And then he started again a few minutes later, taking off my panties, taking off his boxers. I just kind of laid there and didn’t do anything — I had already said no. I was just tired and wanted to go to bed. I let him finish.&quot Saying 'no' seems to be no protection for her in your eyes. The guy can still persist and if the woman is less than adequate about speaking up, after she already has, then that is on her and the rape is her fault. So I assume, as I continue my story, that you will decide what follows is my fault as well.

We were making out on the bed. I had a white flowing dress on. It was something he could easily lift up with one hand. I saw that he was trying to gain access to me and decided to derail him. Mr. Will, maybe I could have spoken out at the time and perhaps the alcohol had clouded my judgement. At that moment I instinctually knew what he wanted and I felt he was not going to stop until he had reached his goal. Rightly or wrongly, I decided to barter with him. I offered up orally servicing him and in exchange I had hoped he would just go away when that was done. He accepted but that was not enough for him. After he was taken care of, to a certain degree, he decided he would have his just desserts. He climbed on top of me and spread my legs. I looked up at him and said no. I said it forcefully and it was not something he could have misunderstood. I said no and I meant it. He looked me in the eye and slid inside of me and, as he did, he said, "Too late." He had not been inside of me when I said no so it had not been too late. I had drawn a solid line and he crossed it.

I did not give my consent! I did not say yes and then change my mind afterward. It does not matter that I was drinking. It does not matter if I had originally said yes but changed my mind. When a woman says no then that is what needs to be abided by.

The moments afterwards were the icing on the cake. He got dressed and went out to party again. I stumbled into the hallway where I saw the girl who accompanied me to the party. She looked in my eyes and asked what was wrong. I cried and said the guy had forced himself on me. She followed me to the bathroom where she held my hair while the toilet held an equal mixture of tears and vomit. When I was finally done I looked up at her and said I wanted to go home. (her boyfriend had driven us there) She looked at me and said that her boyfriend wanted to stay there a while longer and maybe we could leave in an hour or two! I called a taxi and found my way home on my own.
In the wee hours of the morning I called my boyfriend of two years. I told him how this guy had forced himself on me and I cried. My boyfriend wanted me to call the police and said I needed to get help. The problem is when people who have been raped call the cops, they often get put on trial themselves. It is like you are getting raped a second time. And if I wasn't going to face the cops and be made to feel like it was my fault, then I was not going to get the help my boyfriend implored me to get. I told him if he wanted to talk about it then I could not be with him. I broke up with him then and there and never talked to him again. Two years gone in an instant.

I found a couple of my friends to be reminders of the incident as well. They seemed to be less than supportive of me and so they also went by the wayside.

I could not talk to my mom about it. Years before, my Uncle's friend had come onto me. I warned him to stay away and he did not. I broke his skin with my fingernails and my mom punished me, a teenager, rather than a 30 something year old man. She said I could have just moved away from the guy. Would she say the same thing about my rape?

Oh, there is that word - rape. I could not use it for several years afterward. I would always say, "When he did what he did to me." And, thankfully, my mind has protected me a lot from what happened. Once the guy said it was too late, and entered me, I cannot remember anything else he did. It is totally blocked out. My mind has been very merciful to me and I have no plans on going in and trying to undo the safety net it has afforded me.

When I finally could say 'rape' I also attached the word survivor. By claiming that word I took back so much power for myself. I was not cowering in the corner and hiding what happened to me. Instead, I survived and now was thriving. It would not have any hold over me. I was free.

But do you know what one of the hardest parts of the rape survival was for me? Making an appointment to be tested for STD's. I had no idea who this guy was and what his sexual habits were. A complete stranger caused me to go get tested and have to wait to see if I had gotten something temporary or maybe something worse. Would a stranger literally be the death of me? I was so relieved when I got the all clear results. But having to take that test was the final punch in the stomach after everything that happened.

The rape still effects me in small ways. I abhor the look people give you when you say what happened. I am strong and need no pity or looks of sadness but it always seems to be there. This is why I have rarely discussed this subject one on one and in person.

The other way it has effected me is quite the opposite. When someone speaks up and says something that reflects a lack of compassion or empathy for what others have gone through, I feel the need to publicly put a face to the words 'rape victims'. You see, Mr. Will, when someone speaks out about legitimate rape or how people will come forward in droves to claim they are victims, I have a deep seeded need to also come forward and say that this is what a rape 'victim' looks like. We are people with feelings and families. We are not here to advance some imaginary cause. We are not stepping stones for you to achieve a goal.

You and your ilk are the reason I did not come forward when I was raped. You make it that much harder for your wife, mother, sister or daughter to report when they have been sexually assaulted. You are the reason I have not regretted my silence for even a single day. I have talked to many people and because of people like you, they have also refused to come forward about their rapes. Mr. Will, if you are not part of the solution then what exactly are you?



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I am sorry, I seem to have lost your point. What was interesting about my name?

You seemed, for some reason, to think my user name was interesting. Most of the time that happens here when people think someone is a troll. Please do elaborate on why my name is so interesting. Do not just drop it out there without sharing.

and I don't need it one bit.