He said "I don't understand sports." So I explained...

One of my friends on FB posted that today. I'm glad I was able to offer him this explanation...

----

What is "sports?"

Okay, so there's a guy...usually a bunch of guys, but sometimes it's girls. And, like, they dress like people from Wal Mart, 'cept they're good looking. And they run around a lot, throwing a ball, or catching a ball, or kicking a ball. 'Cept for baseball, in which only one of 'em runs, a little bit. The rest just stand around and scratch their balls and spit.

And there's football, too. They run, but usually just for a little bit at a time...the rest of the time they're knockin' each other down. Unless one guy gets to run a long way and the others chase him.

Then there's basketball...they're running all the time...they run to one end and get two points, then to the other end and the other guys get two points. The winner in basketball is determined by when the buzzer goes off, at which time the winner has two more points than the loser.

The only sport with more running is soccer (most people call it "football" but the NFL has that trademarked here), but no one actually knows what the object is. No one ever scores a point, but billions of people love to watch the guys run around on a field the size of Rhode Island.

And of course, there is The Olympics. That's a whole bunch of sports that nobody knows what the f*ck they are, except for that the ancient Greeks used to play them naked. Which was the only thing that made them interesting.

I hope this helps clear things up for you. Oh wait...I forgot about hockey. But so do most people.