I hope she can get some help. Bless you for trying.

I can't believe she was just tossed out of her own home like that. How can that be legal?

Couldn't they have given her some time to find somewhere else to live?

They told her they were confiscating her house. They took all the keys.

She stayed in the hospital for a week and Medicare will only pay part of that. Sge wasn't really sick so she could have been working on finding a place. But she didn't.

She just doesn't seem to be able to do anything about anything.

She had lots of warning that the authorities knew about her awful house. But she was shocked that they actually took her house. She said a whole bunch if police cars all showed up at once. And just took her out. She had her purse and that was all. Now she has nothing. But she does have a good car. And she does have some money in the bank.

Has she not paid taxes? What the property condemned? Had she gotten citations for violations that she never paid?

She doesn't always tell me everything so she may have gotten notices and just threw them onto the trash pile.

I think the house was condemned as unfit for human habitation by the health department. And they were right to get her out of there. It was really bad.

But why didn't they give her time to get her belongings out and find somewhere to go? They could have called the Red Cross or some other organisation. But she may have refused help. She can be really hard headed.

They do all those things. If a house is dangerous and substandard they cannot just let someone keep living there. But they give a lot of notice and help to try and get the house to code. They set up people like your friend with other city/county services.

They cannot force people to take the services provided, but they cannot allow someone to live in dangerous and substandard housing.

she is mentally ill and in need of professional help. It is good she at least has you to help her but she needs professional help. It is such a sad story.

One even came out to her house. A psychiatrist talked to her.
She is like those people on the hoarder shows.

No one should live like she was living. Her house was way beyond filthy. She had trash in the living room that was 3 feet deep.

She looks like a bag lady. Her hair is all matted in the back and she smells awful. Her family doesn't really want anything to do with this and I can't say as I blame them.

I feel so guilty but she needs way more help than I can give her.

It is so sad I just want to sit and cry.

in cases like this it's a shame she can't be committed even against her will so she can be treated. It's a wonder with her diabetes she hasn't developed a bad infection.

call the police and tell that she is dangerous to herself due to mental illness and needs to be hospitalized. Tell them EVERYTHING and then make sure they tell the ER everything (you can call them and tell them everything - they can't tell you a thing, but you can talk to the charge nurse and tell her that you want the information passed on - ). You need to be assertive to do this (and even then, it will be hard).

However, she needs a major intervention. She will not know - and need not know - that you initiated this.

But, imo, this is the only thing that will save her.

About 3 months or so ago I called for a Wellness check for her because I did not know what else to do.

She called me on the phone and couldn't talk. She was trying to talk but the words were all coming out gibberish - just weird sounds.
I tried to get her to let me take her to the ER but she just wanted to lay down and go to sleep. I was afraid she had had a stroke or her blood sugar had dropped too low. So I called for help. I couldn't just leave her like that.

Well, it was a terrible mistake. The Fire Dept. and the Ambulance showed up. They went into the house and forcibly dragged her from the house. She was screaming. She was sick and she was scared to death. Now remember, this was a person who may have had a stroke. They didn't take her to ER. They dropped her off somewhere in the hospital that was for cleaning up filthy homeless people. They made her take a bath and then they let her into the ER. I was so upset by the whole thing that I shook for hours.

That evening she was still talking gibberish. But they discovered that she had a bad bladder infection that was causing her to be really confused and was affecting her speech. Bladder infections in the elderly don't have the same symptoms that they do in younger people.

She was there for about 3 days. She talked to a psychiatrist and a social worker and they just sent her back home again.

If you are mentally ill in this town you are just on your own. These people are in desperate need of help but there just isn't any help out there for them.

National Alliance for the mentally ill in your area.

They know the ropes (and they'll understand what you've been through). They may have advice particular to where you are. They'll 'for sure' have expertise to offer (one way or another).

Good luck!

https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI

That is a great fear for many, myself included.

She's lucky to have you as her friend.

She needs to be in assisted living. But who can afford $4,000 a month? Her sister is in assisted living and I think she pays $5,000 a month.

Esp. if she cannot sell her home.

Beyond a horrible story!!!

But you should be taking care of yourself for 20 years before you retire so you are in good enough health to enjoy it.
I'm 65 and retired and in good health and pretty good shape but I've recently lost 25 pounds and I'm trying to lose more because I want to keep myself in as good shape as I can, avoid doctors and having them try to push more pills on me.
I try and have a plan B for where I live and frankly if I'm still in decent shape I would rather be on the streets than in any nursing home. As a schizoid, being forced to endure the company of people would be hell for me. Also I have an advanced healthcare directive with a DO NOT RESUSCITATE notice because despite what we see on tv with artificial resuscitation it has a very poor outcome for seniors with a low initial survival rate, even lower for surviving to be discharged from the hospital, and still lower for surviving for a year. And there's no way I'd want to be a potted plant parking in the hall of a nursing home because my brain was oxygen deprived yet I was resuscitated to "live" if you call that living.

I am almost 70 abd seeing her decline has really made me aware if hiw careful you need to be to keep healthy and active.

Her situation has scared me to death.

You have to keep your house up. You have to keep yourself cleaned up. You have to stay active.

She just went home and sat and watched tv. At first she did ok. But she has been in a slow decline for years.

She knew she was prediabetic and dud nothing about it. She lives to eat. Now she needs insulin.

about 80,000 dollars. Now they might bulldoze it.

They can get her cleaned up and get her health assessed. If she has impairment in at least 2 ADL (activities of daily living) she should be placed in some kind of assisted living/nursing home and Medicaid will pay for it. Her house will likely be demolished and the land sold.

Does she have any children or other family?

Last edited Sun Apr 8, 2018, 09:50 PM - Edit history (1)

She talks to social workers and they just send her home again. And they knew she did not have anywhere to go.

Especially one that does stories like this. I bet there are volunteers who would help clean things up.

If nothing else, she should have the value of the land (it's not a mobile home park, is it?)

Someone mentioned that she needs a medical evaluation for a Nursing Home/Assisted Living. That is probably where she needs to be, at her age and with Diabetes and a lack of capacity to take care of herself.

Medicaid will often cover a Nursing Home, from what I understand, but because she has substantial assets in the Bank, and maybe some value in the House (if it can be salvaged), she might not qualify for Medicaid, since it is Health Insurance for the Poor and she may have too many assets. They might be able to put her money in a Trust so that she can get into an Assisted Living Place. Her case may need to be looked at by an Elder Law person, and/or a Social Worker who can evaluate her eligibility and financial status.

You are a good friend to her to help her as you do. I would suggest contacting a good Social Worker who can evaluate these issues (Health, Nursing Home, Finance, Medicaid). If there are local Nursing Homes, County Nursing Homes, they will probably have Social Workers on staff that can sort these issues out. She might need an intake appointment with one of these places. As a friend, if you can guide her to such a place, it might be a good path to take.

Good luck and keep us updated here on this Thread if you can.

you have spent all your money and are down to $2000, Medicaid takes over the payments.

for nothing left to lose".

She is better tonite. Making a lot more sense.

I gave her a big blanket to wrap up in and a towel and some wet wipes and a bottle of slimfast to drink if she gets hungry. And 20 bucks to get food and gas.

The bank will be open tomorrow and she can get some money.

I think she is bipolar. Hoarding and bipolar go together. When they are depressed they don't have the energy to do things. And when they are manic they are spinning so fast they can't get anything done. And she does get manic and when she gets like that she can't see anything wrong with anything. The way she lives is just a big joke to her.
.
Be grateful if you were blessed with a good mind.

diabetes can have direct effects on the functioning of the brain, it's quite toxic to the mind to have too much sugar running around in the bloodstream at least I've read that somewhere. So it's not so much the mind she's born with as what the ravages of that disease can do to it. Presumably for you to be good friends it's likely she was at least a somewhat 'together' person at some point prior to the illness?

I wish I could help ... good luck to both of you. And allow me to say, she's quite lucky to have anyone who still cares about her, so many in her place would not. You are good peeps

She was a bank auditor. She belonged to all kinds of organizations. Her house was clean. She was very social.

And then her longtime boyfriend died in his sleep. And she just went slowly downhill. She still dud pretty good as long as she worked but her house was a mess. And then she had to retire. That was the end for her. She did nothing but sit and watch tv.

However awful, I'm sure there are thousands just like it. Makes me sick to my stomach.

This is awful to say but I can hardly be around her because she smells so bad. I get the dry heaves. I am not Nancy Nurse. I just am not.

But I think she us ok for the night now. And she was talking about what she needs to get done tomorrow.

taxes? There has to be Notice given, time frames, so something going on/missing. She's been lacking some tlc oversight for quite a while, not an overnight occurrence.

Whatever that is. I read the big red sign on the door. Never heard if them before.

She may have gotten notices and ignored them. I don't know what happened on that end.

If you are over 65 and don't have taxable income you are tax exempt.

I don't know exactly how that works. My mtg. co. pays my taxes and then my tax person files something with the state and I get it back.

are forgiven or frozen or reduced.

I learned these things:

1) If she owns the house and it's condemned, it either has to be restored or they will get rid of it as a public health hazard. Whatever the case, it all goes through the court system. There are court-appointed people to handle various parts of this. It's been at least six years since I knew of this case, so I might have a few details off, but this is essentially it. The money that comes out of all this has to be given to her. The problem will be that a lot of times these people who are appointed to handle it have other interests, and some of the money is siphoned away through corruption. If she had someone looking out for her best interests, that could mitigate this.

2) I don't know where you live, but often there is what's called a town social worker to deal with such cases. The social worker knows all the agencies, etc., and how to deal with this case. This is the first person you should call.

3) Since your friend has assets, someone needs to be on the lookout that she is not stolen from. The lawyer himself stole a good deal of the money in the case I knew about. It was contested, but because the government office in charge of handling crooked attorneys was so corrupt itself, nothing was done. He got away with around $35,000 from an estate worth around 800k.

4) It's difficult to get a person declared incompetent, and it sounds like she has no one to take charge of her affairs. In that case, the court will appoint a guardian. Again, this can be a money sieve. Everything on her behalf has to go through a judge.

She has social security of about $1300 a month and I think she has about $500 in another account.

It is enough to get an apartment. All she needs us a studio. But she looks and smells so bad I wonder if anyone will rent to her.

That really is a disgrace ... nobody who's ill should have to walk around in their own filth just because they cannot afford sanitary garments of that nature. That really needs to change.

It is essentially a plan that covers a bunch of basic things. You need some kind of Advantage Plan or supplemental plan to cover more things, like prescription drugs or copays or the like. But it definitely does not cover things like Depends.

Whether or not it should is a totally different discussion.

Lots of good tips, thank you.

is to take her to a hospital ER and get them to take her in to "stabilize" this or that (her diabetes is probably out of control, dehydration, hypertension, whatever). Explain her homeless state and lack of capacity and leave her there.

Hospitals have experts in placing people who can't be discharged because they can't care for themselves. Of course, your state may allow them to put her right back out on the street, but many do not, and with luck getting the hospital services engaged will get her help.

So sorry about your friend. That tax cut to create jobs, could've helped so many Americans. Never any money until they want. And man they want all the time. When is enough enough? What an awful life for her. I'd pray if I thought anything was listening. It's up to us to set the example of the character in the bible named Jesus. No gods would allow this of their creation. It's thoughtful that you worry about her. That's more than most people even do. Take care of yourself as well please.

I suspect she will turn down offers of help until her head gets straight, if that is possible. An involuntary admission might be necessary, but probably won't happen.

Poor dear. She needs a lot of help.

That fools people. I think that fools the social workers.

She honestly doesn't see anything wrong with the way she lives or the way she looks.

There is a mental illness called Diogenes Syndrome that sounds just like this. It happens to older people who usually have had some catastrophe happen like the loss of a loved one. Or an illness. They don't see or they don't care about their filthy living conditions. And they stop being interested in personal hygene.

The America I live in now throws them in the garbage. I FUCKING HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT.

to find like minds to with which to commensurate.

i do not know if it is because i am getting older and seeing more of what has always been there or is that society is going to hell in a handbasket.

we do not seem to have a growing safety net that provides increased care over time that maintains a persons independence until more assistance is required.
we let the person deteriorate until massive expensive intervention is the only practical alternative.

i have been staring at this post now for 30 minutes
words just are not coming.
can not adequately express my sympathy or offer practical solutions for you or your friend.
Just try to be there for her as you can.......

And genuinely frustrating.

For her to have let her home get to the point where she was removed from it on the spot took a very long time, and as you said they gave her plenty of warnings. If someone won't keep their place to some sort of minimal standard, well it's hard to defend them.

And for anyone to think that people like her were taken care of in the past, well you're wrong. The main impetus for Social Security was to try to keep 74 year old women from living in the street.

Does she have any family who can possibly help?

As I get older I see too many of my age mates not thinking ahead as to what might happen to them.

By the way, the incontinence might not have anything to do with diabetes. A certain loss of bladder control is reasonably common as people age.

that found that hoarders like my friend have brain damage in the front of the brain. They simply do not see things the same way other people do. They just don't see anything wrong with the way they live.

I was surprised to find out how common incontinence is. Diabtes damages nerves to the bladder. But there are lots of causes.

I think it causes dementia to appear earlier than it otherwise might.

I think she has a history of schizophrenia. She is just as big a mess but she has a son that looks out for her. She is also diabetic.

Their father had a history of mental illness. He had shock treatments back when mental health was mostly barbaric.

You should put her in touch with adult protective services.

Here are a few links to help. First thing is that based on your description she should be Medicaid eligible- get her signed up and this opens a lot more doors on what is covered:

https://mydss.mo.gov/healthcare/mo-healthnet-for-seniors

Also


http://health.mo.gov/seniors/

http://www.caregiverlist.com/missouri/departmentonaging.aspx

Perhaps HUD housing or some govt. subsidized housing. Yes she needs a lawyer and some social workers.

I think she has finally been institutionalized.

Saturday she was found unresponsive in her car in a McDonalds parking lot . She didn't have her pants or shoes on and was covered in feces .

I think that was the 5th time she was admitted to the hospital in 5 months. They would get her cleaned up and then she would just leave and go back to her car.

Her family tried to help and paid for a motel room gor 2 weeks but she got mad and left.

This is just such a sad story. Scares me. Anyone of us
could go off the rails. We have to be so careful to take care if ourselves.