Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member Latest Breaking News General Discussion The DU Lounge All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

General Discussion

catbyte

(34,386 posts) Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:19 PM Apr 2018

91

Furious Koch Brothers Sell Paul Ryan on eBay

Furious Koch Brothers Sell Paul Ryan on eBay

By Andy Borowitz 11:28 A.M.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a fit of pique, David and Charles Koch have unceremoniously listed House Speaker Paul Ryan for sale on the auction site eBay.

The Kochs, who reportedly had purchased Ryan for a sum estimated in the tens of millions, now seem likely to lose their entire investment.

According to Ryan’s listing on the auction site, the Kochs set a five-hundred-dollar asking price for the used congressman, a figure that, in light of the tepid bidding for him, seems optimistic.

“Granted, owning Paul Ryan doesn’t have the benefits that it’s had for David and Charles for all of these years, but the status of owning a former Speaker of the House has to be worth something,” one Koch associate said. “Certainly more than the current high bid of seventeen dollars.”

The eBay listing suggested several possible uses for the former House Speaker, including as a Halloween ornament or garden gnome.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/furious-koch-brothers-sell-paul-ryan-on-ebay?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20041118%20Afternoon&CNDID=40254947&spMailingID=13293418&spUserID=MTgzNzEwODU0MzQxS0&spJobID=1380975479&spReportId=MTM4MDk3NTQ3OQS2

-----------------------------------------------------

28 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Furious Koch Brothers Sell Paul Ryan on eBay (Original Post) catbyte Apr 2018 OP

I am sure some repug will bid $18! riversedge Apr 2018 #1

Oscar Meyer has bid in ... dweller Apr 2018 #2

How appropriate... Raster Apr 2018 #17

BREAKING NEWS ! ! ! Not from the Onion! ! ! Eliot Rosewater Apr 2018 #3

Sorry, Vlad... smb Apr 2018 #19

Buyer feedback: "He sucks" dalton99a Apr 2018 #4

Buyer feedback SonofDonald Apr 2018 #5

bid up a penny at a time? snowy owl Apr 2018 #6

Haaahaaa..K & R Wwcd Apr 2018 #7

I love good satire Gothmog Apr 2018 #8

i love andy borowitz barbtries Apr 2018 #9

Yes they got the tax breaks they paid for FakeNoose Apr 2018 #12

A garden gnome! NastyRiffraff Apr 2018 #10

That was my favorite part too. yardwork Apr 2018 #21

"Bashful" not fooled Apr 2018 #24

Yes! That's our Paul n/t NastyRiffraff Apr 2018 #28

I wouldnt pay a dollar for that... LakeArenal Apr 2018 #11

How about a fire hydrant. That should ensure some living creature will.... usaf-vet Apr 2018 #13

++++ That's the ticket! Of course, worthless to the real Fire Department but good for dogs! erronis Apr 2018 #15

My husband just said he wouldnt use Paul Ryan as a garden gnome. calimary Apr 2018 #14

$17...a prime number bid for a sub-prime product... Wounded Bear Apr 2018 #16

"Garden Gnome"? smb Apr 2018 #18

:-) spooky3 Apr 2018 #26

didnt know this was satire. i went looking on ebay for PAUL RYAN !!! HA HA HA trueblue2007 Apr 2018 #20

All that $$$$$$$$$$$$$ Cha Apr 2018 #22

LOL betsuni Apr 2018 #23

Funny lsewpershad Apr 2018 #25

Lol Faux pas Apr 2018 #27

riversedge

(70,218 posts)

1. I am sure some repug will bid $18!

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:22 PM

Apr 2018

dweller

(23,632 posts)

2. Oscar Meyer has bid in ...

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:22 PM

Apr 2018

gonna stick his worthless butt back in the driver seat of the weinie mobile ...

Raster

(20,998 posts)

17. How appropriate...

Reply to dweller (Reply #2)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:28 PM

Apr 2018

...a big weiner driving an even bigger weiner.

Eliot Rosewater

(31,112 posts)

3. BREAKING NEWS ! ! ! Not from the Onion! ! !

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:25 PM

Apr 2018

Vladimir Palin bids $501 to BUY NOW the former US House Leader, Paul Ryan, stating "hey, who knows, maybe we can have him clean the toilets around the Kremlin"

smb

(3,471 posts)

19. Sorry, Vlad...

Reply to Eliot Rosewater (Reply #3)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:31 PM

Apr 2018

...he only cleans the toilets that have already been cleaned by somebody else.

dalton99a

(81,488 posts)

4. Buyer feedback: "He sucks"

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:25 PM

Apr 2018

SonofDonald

(2,050 posts)

5. Buyer feedback

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:30 PM

Apr 2018

Make sure you put air holes in the box because if you don't.....

Oh screw it, never mind.

snowy owl

(2,145 posts)

6. bid up a penny at a time?

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:31 PM

Apr 2018

Reagan, Bush, Trump, Ryan all wanted to lower their taxes. And they did. What is wrong with Americans?

Wwcd

(6,288 posts)

7. Haaahaaa..K & R

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:37 PM

Apr 2018

Gothmog

(145,242 posts)

8. I love good satire

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:46 PM

Apr 2018

barbtries

(28,794 posts)

9. i love andy borowitz

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:50 PM

Apr 2018

but the kochs got their money's worth.

FakeNoose

(32,639 posts)

12. Yes they got the tax breaks they paid for

Reply to barbtries (Reply #9)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:06 PM

Apr 2018

Ryan was probably a bargain for them.

NastyRiffraff

(12,448 posts)

10. A garden gnome!

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 02:54 PM

Apr 2018

It would be perfect, even though Jeff Sessions looks more like a gnome.

yardwork

(61,608 posts)

21. That was my favorite part too.

Reply to NastyRiffraff (Reply #10)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 04:02 PM

Apr 2018

not fooled

(5,801 posts)

24. "Bashful"

Reply to NastyRiffraff (Reply #10)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 12:21 PM

Apr 2018

with that hangdog look:

[link:|]

NastyRiffraff

(12,448 posts)

28. Yes! That's our Paul n/t

Reply to not fooled (Reply #24)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 07:01 PM

Apr 2018

LakeArenal

(28,817 posts)

11. I wouldnt pay a dollar for that...

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 02:59 PM

Apr 2018

Even with free shipping.

usaf-vet

(6,186 posts)

13. How about a fire hydrant. That should ensure some living creature will....

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:07 PM

Apr 2018

pi$$ on him every day.

Smiling at the thought!

erronis

(15,257 posts)

15. ++++ That's the ticket! Of course, worthless to the real Fire Department but good for dogs!

Reply to usaf-vet (Reply #13)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:18 PM

Apr 2018

calimary

(81,267 posts)

14. My husband just said he wouldnt use Paul Ryan as a garden gnome.

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:14 PM

Apr 2018

Wouldn’t want to scare the worms! Particularly since Paul Ryan is LOWER than worms.

Wounded Bear

(58,656 posts)

16. $17...a prime number bid for a sub-prime product...

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:22 PM

Apr 2018

Sorry, couldn't resist the nerd humor.

smb

(3,471 posts)

18. "Garden Gnome"?

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:29 PM

Apr 2018

"Purchased Paul Ryan for use as garden gnome. Thought I was purchasing Jeff Sessions. One star."

spooky3

(34,452 posts)

26. :-)

Reply to smb (Reply #18)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 12:47 PM

Apr 2018

trueblue2007

(17,218 posts)

20. didnt know this was satire. i went looking on ebay for PAUL RYAN !!! HA HA HA

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Wed Apr 11, 2018, 03:34 PM

Apr 2018

Cha

(297,236 posts)

22. All that $$$$$$$$$$$$$

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 05:40 AM

Apr 2018

$$$$$$$! Down the drain now, eh?

Does that mean scott walker gets more?

betsuni

(25,524 posts)

23. LOL

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 06:39 AM

Apr 2018

lsewpershad

(2,620 posts)

25. Funny

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 12:35 PM

Apr 2018

but not far from the truth.

Faux pas

(14,681 posts)

27. Lol

Reply to catbyte (Original post)

Thu Apr 12, 2018, 01:16 PM

Apr 2018

I'm sure they'll get their pound of flesh.

Reply to this discussion

Latest Discussions»General Discussion»Furious Koch Brothers Sel...