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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMike Pence Horrified By D.C. Cherry Trees Flagrantly Displaying Reproductive Organs
https://politics.theonion.com/mike-pence-horrified-by-d-c-cherry-trees-flagrantly-di-1825148124WASHINGTONExpressing outrage at the crude, depraved perennials throughout the nations capitol, Vice President Mike Pence was reportedly horrified Tuesday by the D.C. cherry trees flagrantly displaying their reproductive organs for all to see. Oh, no, this is completely disgusting, said a visibly agitated Pence, who rushed around urging nearby pedestrians to keep their heads bowed so as to avoid catching a glimpse of the exhibitionistic flora. How are we supposed to get anything done with these perverted saplings waving their stamens around without any regard for decency? I understand that these trees need to reproduce, but it should be a private matter between a plant and its pollinator, not something that good, upstanding D.C. residents should be forced to endure. Im afraid to say that these sick, pornographic displays in areas frequented by women and children serve as yet another troubling example of our country turning away from traditional family values. At press time, Pence was reportedly comforted by the knowledge that before long, his administrations environmental policies would put a stop to these trees licentious behavior.
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Mike Pence Horrified By D.C. Cherry Trees Flagrantly Displaying Reproductive Organs (Original Post)
geardaddy
Apr 2018
OP
vi5
(13,305 posts)1. I know this is satire...
..but honestly this doesn't sound any more or less ridiculous to me than most of the things that Christians get hung up on, believe, and have issues with.
thegoose
(3,115 posts)4. Remember when that nitwit Ashcroft
Covered up the statues in the justice dept.?
Girard442
(6,072 posts)2. Stamens and pistils and pollen, oh my! Stamens and pistils and pollen, oh my!
3catwoman3
(23,987 posts)6. Nicely done!
Gothmog
(145,242 posts)3. I love the Onion
pansypoo53219
(20,977 posts)5. he must hate strawberries. covered w/ ovaries.