...on the 11th. We discussed politics much of the time. She was a Republican for decades but saw the light with Clinton and has voted blue ever since. She identifies as an independent, but, for all practical purposes, she is now a Democrat, like her daughter.

She is horrified by Trump.

It's complicated, isn't it, visiting aged parents. I know nobody who still has both of their parents at age 93. It's remarkable. We treasure each visit, and I chat with them every day on the telephone. Great old couple, they are.

People that have parents living into the late 80 and the 90s should treasure that, some children will never have those years.

I'm always aware of that, and try to take advantage of my good fortune. I know nobody my age who has tat opportunity.

I'm always aware of that, and try to take advantage of my good fortune. I know nobody my age who has tat opportunity.

I wish I still had my parents. Lost them both when I was late thirties. Besides enjoying their company, I would have so many questions for them.

Did you grow up in that farm house? Without revealing too much if you don't want to, Southern, Central or Northern Cal? (My dream is to own a farm in CA, maybe in the $anta Barbara area.

They bought a small (15 acre) citrus farm in Ventura County after all of their children were on their own. Turned out that was a dream of theirs. We spend most of the visit talking about old times, like we usually do. Their children, grandchildren and 14 great-grandchildren. I've heard most of the stories before, some of them many times. But, that's typical of visits.

I ask a lot of questions and listen to their long stories. My father was a B-17 pilot in WW-II, so he has stories. My mother was a homemaker and children raiser who took that very seriously. There are so many stories that are interesting. They married when they were both 19 and during my father's training to be a pilot. They traveled to all of his training bases. I was born a week before the Hiroshima bomb was dropped, and met my father three months later, after the war was over.

So many stories.

My advice about owning a farm in California? Don't do it. If you want to farm, do it somewhere else. Really. Regulations, water availability, taxes, and high costs make it pretty much infeasible in most cases and in most areas there. Their citrus and now avocado farm hasn't really made a profit for 10 years. It pays for itself, but that's all. Neither of the two remaining children want the farm, so it will be sold after they're gone.

Well, I love California, especially that area. "It pays for itself" sounds good to me! I can make a living doing other things. I'm just not that excited about planet earth right now, and would love to be closer to nature (mountains and ocean). Thanks for the stories and the advice.

that you are asking lots of questions about the past. My parents died (4 weeks apart) ten years ago and I wish I had done that. There are so many family questions that I wish I had asked. Maybe you can even journal some of the stories for your extended family.

It's so wonderful that you are spending this time with them. You will never regret it.

My mom and I talked each time I was there, sometimes, for hours, about books we were reading, family, the past. But she shocked me, one our last talks,when she told me how I was molested when I was five. Fifty years ago. Much more. Lots of deep dark secrets she kept.

I cannot conceive of the pain she felt carrying that secret for all those years.

It's wonderful that you took the time to be with them. As I am just over the Medicare hurdle myself, I am becoming more conscious of the looming end of life issues before me too. My kids live on the other side of the country and we may move nearer to them some day. Hard to say, though. They're not settled yet.

Grandkids. It’s nice. Glad I did it.

Not every family does that. There are always long story-telling sessions at family gatherings. It was a surprise to me as I got older that not every family does that. Oral history keeps things alive.

but I don't remember asking them what THEY felt when things happened. And a million more questions like "why did Aunt Ann's kids turn out so strange" or "Did Uncle Ted go to prison when they busted him. Did you visit him there? What prison? Did he ever talk about it?" Did Grandma ever talk about marrying her 8th grade teacher. Did you think that strange? Did they wait until school was out to marry?"

That generation is all gone now, mom was the last. It's the "what did you think about that" questions that haunt me the most.

My cousins and I were always going to do taped interviews with our moms but never did. Damn it.

All of my life I have been driven with goals. When my parents were alive, I was sometimes too busy chasing goals to sit for hours and listen to their stories. People that still have one or both of their parents need to slow down and dedicate more time for just sitting with, and listening to their parents, you won't get those days back once they are gone.

But my Mom had 2 much older sisters who lived into their mid nineties. Although their short-term memory was failing them, their long-term memory was still there, so I used to ask them about their little sister as she was growing up -- way back when. It was delightful to learn so much more about her childhood and her subsequent college days and then her marriage to my father.
So, if you still have aunts and/or uncles still alive, do spend some time having them reminisce about their families growing up. You'll find out all sorts of things your parents never (or would never have!) told you!

So many people live to regret not talking to their parents, when they were still alive and able to recall the past. It is sad that when many people die, they take their stories and history with them. Years ago people often saved letters and journals, but that isn't so common anymore. Even the most ordinary life is full of rich and fascinating details.

I write some of what they said down, but not all. I remember it all, though, and share it frequently.

All too often, unfortunately, people are so busy with their own lives that they forget to ask about the lives of their elders. In my family, a good part of our interactions is story-telling. Family gatherings always bring out stories, some of which are fresh, while others are often-told stories everyone is familiar with.

As a child and teen, I often asked older relatives about specific things. "What did you think when you saw an automobile (electric light, radio...) for the first time?" I asked my paternal great-grandmother when I was 10 years old about her first boyfriend (1870s). She blushed a little at first, but then told me all about her first love as a teenager and about things they did together. At the time, she was in her 90s. Horse and buggy days. I asked my maternal grandmother about the first time she voted in an election, and heard about her support for women's suffrage with her small town friends.

It was always interesting to hear about those old people's experiences, and it helped me put things into perspective. Besides, it was always wonderful to watch their eyes light up as they recalled things from the past. Later, I was able to share some of those stories with other family members, most of whom had never heard them while the people who told them were still alive.

about their eyes lighting up when they go into the past, talking about things that they haven't mentioned in decades. I only had one grandparent who lived past my early childhood. When she saw me breastfeeding my first child, she really did light up and began to share her stories about babies and motherhood. Truly great stories and in telling them, she became younger and more vibrant.

Unfortunately, there are other stories that were locked away, as was the tendency of older generations. Once they put their skeletons in a closet, they weren't coming out. My sisters and I tried in vain to get my parents to disclose some family secrets, but they took most of them to the grave, leaving us to do a lot of second guessing and Internet research.

That's OK, though. There are plenty of stories they can tell. I would not ask any family member about a child who had died, for example. It's never my wish to cause pain in asking someone to relate a story.

With such stories, it is best to let them tell it when and if it is comfortable. That was the case with my mother's teenage brothers who died in a gun accident. We were not allowed to bring it up, but when she got older, she unexpectedly volunteered details that had plagued her for many years, revealing the pain and guilt she must have felt. However, in my family, there also were secrets that profoundly affected me, secrets that were not theirs to withhold, regardless of the reasons.

The best stories were usually the spontaneous ones and as I get older, I understand how ancient memories suddenly pop into consciousness as if it was yesterday. I try to include as many stories as I can in our family tree, as I know my children may some day be interested.

My folks are in their 80s now, and supposedly both sides of the family have "turtle genes" meaning they live till 98-99 easily. I wonder if mine are going to make it, my dad is more stuck in the chair and watches Fox news. My mom is the one who goes out to the gym 3x a week and can run circles around ME!
I worry though, he had a stroke in 10/17 and my mom has had 2 little ones both last year and the year before.
I would like to take care of them more, but the puttering around the house is what keeps them going. If my mom didn't get my dad out there raking from time to time, he would just play solitaire on his laptop or sleep in his chair. And she is ALWAYS cleaning something! (I swear, I wish I cared that much about the floors! lol)

The last time we went to visit, I had the teens with me and my mom and dad both got into digging out old photo albums of THEIR parents. We all got a history and ancestry lesson that afternoon. It was cool to hear the stories they remembered...Then dad got into some of his stories from the Korean War.
Our folks generation may be "out of it" by some standards, but they are truly a piece of living history and so, so valuable to us.

They don't actually do any of the work anymore. It's being custom-farmed for them now, and just pays for the cost of that. But, they're still living there - their dream place.

They'll die there, too.

Thanks for taking the time to tell us about your visit. It gave me a real lift.

for you.

Thanks for sharing this.

I hope they passed on those particular genes to me.

Passed one year ago at the age of almost 104. She kept going by setting goals... wanted to be alive for the first African American President, then to see the first woman president, and then to see Trump impeached and run out of office. I will be around for the last two, I’m sure.

welcome to DU.

Treasure these moments

Thank you for sharing it. Sounds like your parents are still very mentally sharp, even if they can't remember what they did yesterday! Hell, I am 50 years younger than they are and sometimes I can't remember what I did yesterday!

Nice story about your aging parents.
Still have their wits.

Same story: clear memories about life on the farm. Reads everything and is outraged by Trump. But reviews the same family topics again and again. And obsesses that her long term care policy is screwing her. With four children and in-laws, she can’t remember what she told who. At that age they are facing limited time, and it must be frightening. Thanks for the post, as I sit in the airport on the way home, flight delayed.

I just listen to them as often as they are told. Loss of short term memory also leads to frequent repetition of questions and comments. I just treat every repetition as though it were the first time. It was a little stressful at first, but it is just second nature now.

Being patient is the key to enjoying time with very old people.

Glad they still get it!

your parents sound lovely, you are lucky to have them. Yea they get it.

and they are in relatively good health. My parents both died at age 62, one after the other, from cancer. They never got to see their amazing grandkids.

It's very unusual. They go together to their doctor for checks about one a month. He tells them they are the oldest couple he knows. They're fairly active, but everything they do takes three or four times as long to accomplish. Going to town for groceries is a four hour task. Two Rollator walkers, in and out of the car. Slow, but sure.

It's a small town, and they are well-known. My father was fire chief there for 25 years. So wherever they go, people know them and go out of their way to be of help.

one more time.

It's so rare. Just luck, really.

I lost my mom and dad when they were in their 70s. I miss them every day.

That whole WWII generation of my California relatives has now "gone West" and "crossed the Great Divide" (to use niceties from earlier times) but I can still see them clearly as they once were and am grateful for the times I irregularly spent with them over many many years

Then it will be US who are the ancient voices from the past.

I'm fortunate to have had time with one great grandparent and three grandparents, too. I listened to their stories as a youngster, dating back to the 19th century. I loved it, and asked questions that triggered those stories. I remember them all, still, and have retold many of them to nieces and nephews and their children now.

I remember sitting with three young teen great nieces and telling them about my great grandmother's account of courting in the 1870s. Surprisingly, they were fascinated.

Life is tenuous. It's important to make the most of it we can. That's why I talk daily with my parents in a phone call. I started doing that five years ago. Its a high point of the day for all of us. It doesn't matter what we talk about, really.

Jalapeno peppers, though. They give her indigestion.

time with them and that you realize how special it is. I love the Ventura area. I'm in Redondo Beach which is around 75 miles south.

They had been married 68 years. I was fortunate to live next door to them in the final years of their lives. The saddest time was my dad after Mom was gone. I could see him in the living room through the window sitting on the edge of his chair with his head in his hands crying. I’d walk over and talk, he wasn’t one to share feelings. Once in the hospital the nurse asked him if he was under stress and his answer was a confused look and,” what’s stress”. That was him. I miss them every day.
Spend time with your family when you can. Thank you for your story and enjoy your parents, they sound lovely.

Really not a lot wrong with her, I think she just got tired. But luckily I have 7 siblings and we took turns staying with her to keep her at home. We did the same for my dad. Enjoy them while they're here.

She still hates trump and the entire gop.

I love glimpses into other people's lives, especially when it's so positive. Yeah, I'm the guy that actually LIKES other people's photo albums.

And think of the happiness you are giving them by your attention and love. You're a good son.

and a from their far-north neighbor/friend-once-removed (like cousins, MineralMan - you're my friend, so they are too via you). Hope that made a little sense!

My dad died at 63, cancer he didn't get treated. But mom made it to 95, and kept most of her mind and heart till the end. My dad-in-love, Steve's dad,
died in 2008 after a long, awful battle with Alzheimer's. I was his caregiver. Went to every class/training session/seminar/support group offered. It was worth every second. After his WWII stint in the Navy (Pacific) he and his lovely wife "stuck a pin in the map.... And wound up here. Oh!
the tales & adventures!

You may consider this; I did and have NO regrets. Take a small, inconspicuous recording device w/good microphone pickup. Unobtrusively put it nearby and record your chats.

The memories sustain both spouse & me throughout the toughest parts of sadness after he was gone.

This one is for you, in happy thanks for a happy post:
😽✈ (couldn't find a B-17)

AND here's for your folks!

not plying my Dad with more questions about WWII and his youth. The window of opportunity for those stories closes quickly. You're lucky to still have your parents.

I think of that all the time.

More then likely the thoughts of not having my parents around..

Then, it will be my turn, I suppose, sometime later.

Life. It's all we get, in my opinion. I'm trying to make the most of it while I have it. Tears we have aplenty.

How wonderful that you still have both of them. I miss my dad so much, 20 years gone. Going down to see my 83 year old mother next week and help her out though.