I am a 76-year-old Caucasian female and I also live in New Mexico. I live in a quiet friendly area....but I am very isolated as I live in the mountains. My vehicle died a few months ago so I have no way to get around and I cannot afford another vehicle. Thus, I do not have to worry about a speeding ticket since I sit home day after day with just my puppy for company. Bless you that you have such a very full life.

I cannot imagine not having a way to get around.

If I ever relocate it will be to a city with far better public transportation than I have here in Santa Fe. Although it's not that bad here, considering how small the city is. I do periodically take the bus downtown and I just love doing so.

When I was 20 I moved to the Washington, DC area, and for the first seven years I had no car. It was wonderful. This was when they'd first started building the Metro, so it wasn't open yet, and I got along just fine taking the bus. In fact, the only reason I finally bought a car was that I'd decided to return to school and take classes at Northern Virginia Community College, and it simply was not possible to work out bus transport to school and to work.

I sincerely hope your life is as full as it can be.

I sit here day after day with no hope of living a normal life again. I am so isolated with no vehicle and no hope of being able to afford another one. You are so fortunate to live a normal life. I am so isolated there are nights I wish I would go to sleep and never wake up...eternal life on the other side has to be better than what I am living now. My biggest fear is what would happen to my precious puppy when I am gone.

Anything else I might say would seem patronizing or worse.

I can say that at my age (69) I think a lot about how the coming years will play out.

I hope things look better for you when the sun rises.

What I experience truly is ageist, but for me in a very benign and good way. No matter where I am, I look old enough that people readily offer to help me, which can feel weird because inside my head I'm at the oldest, 25. But I do recognize my physical limitations, and when help isn't offered that I need, I always ask and I always get the help.

I really need to watch myself that I don't abuse my age privilege and run roughshod over younger people. It would be very easy to do.

Last edited Fri Apr 20, 2018, 02:00 AM - Edit history (1)

For your self-awareness!

I do try hard to be self aware in many circumstances.

One of the amazing things about living in New Mexico is that three cultures, Hispanic, Native American, and Anglo, co-exist with almost no friction. Oh, this state has its problems, but they are not rooted in clashes between the various cultures. I often think that if I were someone who'd been born here I'd be quite resentful of newcomers like myself. But I NEVER get that attitude. Never.

Plus I have amazingly clear night skies, which is a genuine treat for an amateur astronomer.

The full expectation that you or I will easily survive such an encounter. It really isn't something we should take lightly.

PS...not to imply in the slightest that you were..

"The full expectation that you or I will easily survive such an encounter. It really isn't something we should take lightly." This is almost alien to my thinking, because I have white privilege.

When my sons were first driving I kept on telling them that they'd get tickets in circumstances that I would not, even assuming they behaved as respectfully as I would, simply because they were young males.

One time when my younger son was in college he called me up with some very strange questions, and I finally asked him what the hell was going on. Turned out he'd gotten a speeding ticket while driving back to school after a break and didn't really have the money to pay for it. He was a bit afraid to tell me of the ticket, apparently afraid I'd get all judgemental. I said, "EVERYONE gets a speeding ticket on occasion! How much is the fine and I'll send you a check." And again, he's white so he didn't have anything worse happen than get the ticket.

I try very hard to be aware at all times of my white privilege, especially my old lady white privilege.

was charged with disorderly conduct. A rich, famous white young lady.

It depends on where you live, what you say, your demeanor, what you are being stopped for.

Minorities get hammered in some areas, but in others, the police are apparently equal opportunity ticket givers.

I, too, am white and over 60. I not only got ticketed a year ago, I was falsely ticketed. I was not speeding. (I've since been able to get it taken off my record.)

A few years ago I was stopped and given a written warning to put on my registration/inspection sticker. (I had it on the dash but hadn't put it on the window yet.) A state trooper spotted it from across the highway where he was stopped with somene else. He jumped in his car and came after me with lights going. Me....an older, white female.

Here's an example of how differently laws can be enforced. Several years ago I got stopped for not making a full stop at a stop sign. In my opinion I had, but there's no point in debating the officer on this.

I not only didn't have the current paperwork on my registration in the car, but I also didn't have the current insurance information. The cop could see that I had every single bit of insurance information going back seven or eight years, but he had also run my plates and knew that my registration was actually up to date. So instead of ticketing me on the two offenses and (according to him) towing my car, I simply got a ticket requiring me to show up at traffic court to show proof of insurance. He told me I needed to make sure I got proof of registration in the car.

Again, I think it was old white lady privilege. Or maybe it's more that in Santa Fe, NM, they don't sweat these kinds of things. I have no way of judging.

As for the Zsa Zsa Gabor thing, as I recall she really was misbehaving. As, I suspect, Ms. Witherspoon was. On the other hand, maybe the cops in those cases felt a certain satisfaction in ticketing famous people. Luckily for me I'm not at all famous.

Did the written warning about your registration/inspection sticker result in a fine? Or anything else? If not, you're experiencing the sort of benign stop that I'm referring to.

I see you have trouble accepting that your story is everyone's story, or that one anecdote applies to everyone.

I do not seem to enjoy old lady white privileges, even though I look much younger, am decidedly middle class, and look like hte paraprofessional I was for decades (dressed professionally).

If I did something wrong and was caught, I didn't get away with it. There is no old lady white privilege across the board. You have been lucky, or you live in an area that caters to older people or whatever.

Not many people would get a written warning on his or her record for the registration sticker not being permanently affixed on the window...even though it's there, visible, and on the dash. But I did.

Not many get a false speeding ticket. But I did.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got stopped in her Rolls Royce for expired registratin, then got into an altercation w/the cops, since she expected to get the rich & famous & old white lady privilege of just a verbal warning. She was arrested.

Reese Witherspoon and others have expected to get away with breaking the law because of their fame & wealth (and maybe race?), but they didn't.

So much for old lady white privilege across the country. An anecdote is just that. An anecdote. I'm sure minorities have big problems in certain areas; in other areas, they don't.

Maybe it depends on whether the area has had a number of issues with a certain type of person, so when a cop stops someone that fits that profile, they have a preconceived notion of things. If they live in an area with a lot of college kids, the college kids probably get ticketed for things that older people get away with. Just because there are more issues with the college kids breaking the law.

This has been my experience, as an older white woman who was a young white woman.

she was stopped for a valid reason. Expired registration. And she proceeded to act like a jerk to put it mildly. Don't know enought about the Witherspoon incident to comment. But if she thought she'd get away with breaking the law because she's rich and famous, well, too bad.

I'm not someone who starts out expecting privilege because I'm famous. I behave politely when I am stopped. It makes a huge, huge difference.

No white lady privilege. In some areas, anyway.

One person's experience is not everyone's experience.

If you break the law in some areas, no matter who you are, you will get ticketed or arrested or whatever the occasion calls for. In some areas, if you fit a certain profile, the bar is lower.

If you act as an arrogant asshole, you'll get ticketed or arrested. And you deserve it if you behave that way. I state over and over that I behave politely to the cops who pull me over. I suppose it helps a lot that I'm not a famous person, but I hope that if I were, I'd behave as I currently do. Ms. Gabor deserved to be arrested.

My other point about old white lady privilege is that when I behave exactly as I'd hope everyone else would behave (like my young sons) I'll get off with a warning when they'd get a ticket. I also know that New Mexico is an exceptionally good place to exercise Old White Lady Privilege, even though this is a very Hispanic and secondarily Native American state. Which is a lot of what amazes me. I keep on expecting the Hispanic cops to take one look at me and think to themselves, "Hah! I'll ticket this white woman." And they never do. Again, I attribute it to the respect given to the mothers and grandmothers here. Don't know what it's like in other states. California is probably extremely unlike New Mexico in that regard. I bet most of the cops there do not have their mothers and grandmothers living in the community that they are policing. Think about it.

Still, sometimes bad things happen, even when yu behave politely. I'm always polite & respectful to authority figures. Yet, I get ticketed. I don't get a pass because I'm white and female & respectful.

It's more a person's behavior, and the crime (if there was one), than anything else. Race, gender, age.

Think about it. If you behave a certain way...you don't have white privilege. It's hte behavior, not the race, that's the main thing. And the crime.

You were saying it was old lady white privilege. You know your experiences, so I accept that. I'm saying that I don't seem to have an old lady white privilege. That has been my experience, and I have all the trappings of white female privilege, including respectful, polite behavior.

There are areas, though, where certain profiles have a harder time, because of the crime rate of that profile in the area, or cops' prior interactions w/that profile. It could be race or age or "college kids" or whatever. It almost certainly won't be old white ladies, because frankly, we don't present a crime problem, as a group.

And I am genuinely sorry that you've been subject to bad things. I have not, and I can't begin to guess why we've had such different experiences, other than we've lived in different places. Not that that excuses those differences, but it may be the root cause.

I do feel as if everyone else should experience my white old lady privilege. It is nice, and I am extremely appreciative. I honestly try very hard not to take it for granted, but I can see how easily that could happen. Young people treat me with respect and deference, especially at the grocery store. I do NOT ask to cut in front, but often young people wave me ahead. I want to state that for many years I've waved others in front of me when they have fewer groceries or when they have a child who is acting up. I've been in that place and I want to help out other parents in that situation.

You do bring up the essential aspect of how people are treated. Race, age, gender, none of that should matter. But it does. And I do understand that.

Since your subject line mentions white privilege, I'd like to bring it back to a core truth:

Regardless of whether or not white people -- of any age or background -- are given warnings, ticketed, or even arrested (which is by far often due to bad behavior) when stopped, the likelihood that an encounter with law enforcement will end in death isn't something most of us worry about.

Hence, one aspect of white privilege. In general (there are always exceptions), white people don't fear that an interaction with police will end in death.

For people of color, even when one's behavior is conciliatory and submissive, that is a VERY REAL FEAR with every single encounter with law enforcement. That's precisely why the knee-jerk reaction of many white people to call the police on people of color (due to their bias and subsequent fears) is deadly.

Unfair tickets and such are just that -- unfair. But it isn't deadly.

Certainly ticketing and other ways the criminal justice system is grossly unfair to people living and often working in poverty can become deadly, for anyone, but the oppression is by far most experienced by people of color across the socioeconomic spectrum.

Always.

What happens to black people who hit police officers? They don't just get arrested. They end up dead.

A rich, famous lady who assaulted law enforcement. And she wasn't shot in the back for doing so.

I couldn't believe how suddenly nice people were to me. As you say, mostly in stores and out and about. The flip side is, after awhile it begins to feel like they think I am frail. Double edged sword.

But it is quite apparent. Old ladies get treated differently.

and I can tell it's because they can clearly see I'm a senior citizen. They are kind and solicitous, and I appreciate it. I don't hesitate to ask for help when I need it, and people are very willing to help me, as I was when I was younger.

White people never make other white people pay for anything, when they are in private. Best expose of white privilege ever!

Thank you for the link.

The absolute best segment that era of SNL ever produced. Funny, timeless and thought-provoking.

Recently showed it to my 19 year old daughter. She did several spit-takes during the segment. And, when it was over, she asked, stunned, "That aired on TV?"

Then I showed her the Chevy Chase / Richard Pryor "Word Association" sketch, and her head exploded.

Things like being pulled over in black neighborhoods and cops come up with guns drawn. Then they see I'm white and everything is immediately cool. A smile and some b.s. and I'm on my way. Ive also got away with some stuff that I know there is no way they would have let it slide if I was a minority.
However growing up I was in a 95% white Midwestern small town and I got just the oppisite. When there are no minorities to pick on they ruthlessly pick on the poorest white kids. Make their lives miserable and try to keep them underwater as much as they possible can. Once in my teens i was unjustly pulled over 4 times in a week.

Those at the bottom, however that bottom is defined, will be treated badly. I think that is absolutely right. Much of the time in this country the bottom is defined as black, but as you've pointed out, it can simply be those at the economic bottom.

Thank you for your story.

he lost his license several times when he was a teen. It was almost like they waited for him to leave the house.

Now I'm an old white lady with AN EXPENSIVE CAR -- you should see the privilege that gets you around here (VA). I don't push it, though. I'm just a basic poor-but-did-fairly-well-in-life person, and I never forget it. But as far as the cops are concerned, I could be some senator's wife going to a tea. LOL. It's lucky for them that I rarely break traffic laws.

While my car sat at a football game. Next morning they were waiting for me outside of town but I came up the back way and ended up on the road over from where he was sitting. Saw me and pulled me over for no plate even though there was no way in possible hell he could have seen the front of my car.
Was also arrested once for 4 wheel driving through a field with my mustang convertible. It was a joke. Someone just happened to see me down the road that day and they arrested me no questions asked. As I was walking out after posting bail the cop stopped me and said he didn't care if I did it or not. He was building his case around me and I was going to jail for it. All while poking me in the chest.
Luckily the tracks were still there and some comparison photos easily let me beat the case in court. I know what the minorities have to go through with the law here and its just not right for a free country to treat its citizens like that.

1. young hispanic families in Arizona are pleasantly deferential to elderly ladies also. 2. My DH was a black person living in NM. As far as we could judge, he was considered an "anglo", although his face was frequently closely examined for, we imagine, traces of native or hispanic ancestry.

Because I am white, and have been my entire life (now isn't THAT strange?) I can't begin to imagine what life is like here for a black person. And I have noticed all along that I see very few black people. Perhaps, because the three major cultures, Hispanic, Native American, and Anglo, co-exist in reasonable peace, black people just aren't on the radar.

At the risk of sounding like a jerk, I have had African American friends, but mostly in the Midwest, and although they have been very kind about talking to me about racial issues, and have been beyond kind in educating me about them, I suspect that their reality is very different from the reality of an African American here in New Mexico.

Speeding? Running stop signs? Not everybody does those things. I often have children in the car. I drive like their lives depend on me. If I see a cop, I see him or her as an ally, not a possible danger. Because I'm white, yes, in part.

But I wouldn't generalize using all three qualifiers with any certainty. White privilege, yes. Old? Not so much. We become invisible when we're old. I've stood at a counter and watched the clerk's eyes look right through me and ask the person behind me what they wanted.

Lady? What is a lady? I know you mean woman, and when I think of women having privileges, I remember marching last year in my pussy hat in D.C. in a sea of women craving privilege, that privilege called equality.

I won't humble-brag about being an old white lady. White privilege is the hole we're stuck in and have to shovel out of over and over like Sisyphus's rock.

I deserved one on multiple occasions. My Mom had a lead foot; she drove like a bat out of hell. We could make Virginia from Connecticut in 6 1/2 to 7 hours. There were five kids...no of us ever got in the car without seatbelts. She was a good driver and had but one accident pulled out in front of someone...no one hurt. But it was terrifying to ride with Mom. She also was not nice when stopped by the police. She still didn't get the tickets she deserved. She would chew out the police...her usual statement was "Give me my damn ticket and spare me the lecture." She had multiple anti-radar devices confiscated. She was a white older lady...when she was young she was very pretty so despite her bad attitude she didn't get tickets. When she was older, I think she amused most cops so she didn't get tickets. As my older sister said, we were the only kids that wore seatbelts in the late 70's and early 80's.

I consider all the things you mentioned as benefits of being old. LOL. Life really sucks sometimes, so milk it when you can. I never hesitate to tell people what I think anymore. To hell with it. Time is limited and they need to know what I think. When I got stopped by a cop for speeding I played the old lady card to the hilt, complaining that I was preoccupied by a bill from the orthopedic surgeon. It worked like a charm. If people want to open doors, carry bags, give me a discount, they can knock themselves out. I can't compare my lot in life to anyone else because I only live my life. I can speculate, but it's a mindless exercise. Maybe I'm just lucky I live in an area where people are pretty much color blind. (I'm also lucky because in my head I'm 35.)

No place, of course, is perfect, but it's close.

I especially noticed it when my bank account was hacked. No one doubted me for a second. Money was returned without more than brief investigation. I realized getting old had its perks. And yes, everyone should have the same treatment.

No tickets or stops in years, but im a careful and safe driver now.

Back when I was younger, I got tickets. No matter how nice I was.

Just generally. When I was young and thin and cute, I was often treated in a mean way, at least, a lot more often. Police officers are now young men to me; I have been stopped and let go with a warning, but never when I was under 30. Makes you wonder.

Do you think that if all things being equal, a black woman your age would have gone through things the way you did w/police and such?