Trump Makes Pence Watch Him Issue Pardons to See How It's Done

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Donald J. Trump made Vice-President Mike Pence watch him issue pardons for several hours to see how it is done, a White House source confirmed.

According to the source, Trump pardoned a number of disgraced political figures and former reality-show cronies for the sole purpose of training Pence in the art of issuing pardons. After signing pardon after pardon while Pence looked on intently, Trump commanded the Vice-President to sign a “practice pardon” to prove that he “wouldn’t mess anything up,” the source said.

Before trying his hand at issuing a pardon, Pence heaped praise on Trump for the pardoning demonstration he had just given. “Mr. President, as in everything you do, your mastery of pardoning has been a wonder to behold,” he said. “I pray to God that, if I am ever called upon to issue a pardon, I do it with one-tenth of the skill and grace you have just displayed.”

“Stop sucking up and sign it,” Trump reportedly snapped.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-makes-pence-watch-him-issue-pardons-to-see-how-its-done