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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsSurprising new GOP Candidate
A Letter from Kim Jong-unTo the People of Iowa
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report) The following is a letter from Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of North Korea, to the people of Iowa.
Dear Voters of Iowa:
In December I became Supreme Leader of North Korea. Pretty amazing development for a twentysomething who at the time was still living at home and spending all day playing Angry Birds. But there I was, receiving the cheers of millions of North Koreans, who usually dont get that excited unless theyve caught sight of a pork sandwich. (LOL)
Here is why I am writing to you today: on Tuesday, you will go to your caucuses and choose from among a field of Republican presidential candidates. And let me tell you, the idea of any of these people getting nuclear weapons scares the shit out of me.
This is just one of many differences between your country and mine. In North Korea, we lock up the criminally insane. In America, you let them debate on TV. Right now you have people running for President I would not trust to take care of my plants.
So who do I recommend you vote for on Tuesday? In a word, me.
If you think about it, I am the most Republican candidate of all. In North Korea, we have no taxes. We have achieved that through a conservative policy of no jobs. Also, we have no wasteful big government programs providing food, shelter, or safe drinking water. And am I pro-life? Well, try this on for size: I believe that life begins at conception and ends at starvation.
Now, I know what youre thinking: Im too young to be President, since Im under 35. Well, who would you rather have running your country, someone whos under 35, or someone whose IQ is under 35? (LOL)
I think when you look at all the facts, voters of Iowa, youll realize that Kim Jong-un is the Republican who most deserves your vote. And if youre still not convinced, remember this: at least Im not Mitt Romney.
Peace out yo,
Your Supreme Leader
http://www.borowitzreport.com/
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Surprising new GOP Candidate (Original Post)
gateley
Jan 2012
OP
Angry Dragon
(36,693 posts)1. He has my vote...........
teddy51
(3,491 posts)2. lol Now that was brilliant! Seriously, we probably would not be much worse off
with Kim Jong UN as opposed to the Clown car.
babylonsister
(171,075 posts)3. Hahaha! Don't believe this! Gateley's a card!
gateley
(62,683 posts)6. "In North Korea, we lock up the criminally insane. In America, you let them debate on TV."
I love Borowitz!
Happy New Year, D!
freshwest
(53,661 posts)4. '...the most Republican candidate of all..' Perfect!
elleng
(131,006 posts)5. GATE!!!!
(I hope people realize this is from Borowitz!)
elleng
(131,006 posts)8. Wherever!!!
Kalidurga
(14,177 posts)9. Too close to reality...
Yes, US Conservatives are this bad...
Rex
(65,616 posts)11. You know, once I could not stand David Borowitz
but in the past few years he has surpised me with some funny shit!