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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsBye-bye baby. Our longtime love, dB, has passed.
Last edited Wed Jun 27, 2018, 02:25 AM - Edit history (4)
Okay. It's just a cat. But the day after she left us, I'm still messed up. dB was a tabby - a "classic tabby" according to definition and markings. It's if they have a round bull's eye marking on each side - from which the other tabby stripes spread, as widening concentric circles. We'd just lost a kitten to one of those dreaded kitten-killer diseases. We were still shaken by that, when the vet called. Somebody had dumped a kitten at their door. She was very small, believed to be too young to have left her mother, and she had HUGE ears and one bad eye. But the lady at the vet's office thought we might be interested since we had a very recent vacancy. My husband went. He was told they'd have to keep her for a couple of weeks so she could gain strength. He'd brought a dampened washcloth with him and, when formally introduced, took her in his hands and gently started to groom her with the washcloth, trying to make the same motions that a mama cat would - in licking her kitten clean. The lady at the vet took one look at that and changed her mind: "aw, hell, go ahead and take her. Looks like she'll be just fine!" We named her dB after the initials of the lady at the vet, who was also a musician.
Approximately 20 years later, dB had had a sudden stroke, late last year, a coupla months before we moved. She recovered but was quite handicapped. Couldn't walk normally anymore, as though her back half wasn't communicating clearly with her front half anymore. But she skittered around all over the house, and still almost broke land speed records when I set her food dish down. In the last couple of months, I'd set up a makeshift "kitty hospice" for her in our laundry room, so I could isolate her from our other animals. The two other cats could be kinda rough on her and the dog would empty her water dish. And they'd all steal her food.
She'd been fading for weeks, growing more feeble and frail, but took a turn for the worse over the weekend. My husband and I had gone out to run an early errand but had to turn around and return to the house. We were ten minutes away. She was barely alive when we'd left, and gone by the time we got back. We took her to the vet and it was officially confirmed.
SHIT. What a blow! I can't believe it but we're both still among the walking wounded, a day later. dB watched our kids grow from elementary school age all the way to moving out, and heading off on their own, as 20-somethings. And yet, she persisted. I thought of posting about it yesterday afternoon, but I wasn't in the mood for doing ANYTHING. Today's only a little better.
I found a photo of her during better (healthier and younger) times but I can't get imgur.com to work the way it used to. I'd still love to post it, though.
(ON EDIT: Check post #59, below. A photo of dB during younger, healthier days! Thanks to DUer catbyte and DUer mnhtnbb, I've discovered a different photo delivery system!)
She's the oldest cat we ever had, sweet as can be, and had a low scratchy meow. She liked to head-butt people sitting on our couch, by climbing up onto the top of the couch and making her way over to her target. She'd also mess with your hair from that vantage point. LOVED her LOVED her LOVED her. And now we MISS her MISS her MISS her. That laundry room seems so lonely.
Anyway, just thought I'd share. It'll help me get over it. And I'd rather focus on her than the multiple and seemingly never-ending shitty news of the day. DU was so comforting to me more than a decade ago when I'd posted that my mom had died. Thanks for bearing with me - again.
Ilsa
(61,698 posts)My sincerest condolences.
Laffy Kat
(16,386 posts)I am so sorry.
get the red out
(13,468 posts)Pets are our angels on Earth. I am so sorry for your loss.
catrose
(5,073 posts)Not "only a cat," but a dear friend and companion, by your side for so many years. Anyone would be crushed. I'm glad you had so many good years with her and gave her gentle last days.
malaise
(269,157 posts)choie
(4,111 posts)she was a beloved member of your family - animals are wonderful companions. I've had 5 cats (currently have only one) and each time I lost one, I mourned for a long time. I'm so sorry, Calimary.
MissB
(15,812 posts)She did have a long life didnt she! I had one kitty - Alex - that I received as a kitten from my mom when I was in my late teens. Alex moved all over with me, and died the day I brought my second son home from the hospital. Alex held on until I came home. It was utterly heartbreaking and even though weve had plenty of kitties since Alex, I still cry thinking about that cat.
Its probably hard for your kids too. So sorry for your loss.
dameatball
(7,399 posts)To you and to all the other posters who have made their losses known on DU. I lost my best friend of almost 18 years back in March. But the memories of those we have lost will live on.
Frustratedlady
(16,254 posts)You gave her a life she probably wouldn't have had otherwise and should be proud of that fact. Unfortunately, that fact also makes it harder to let them go.
Hold onto those memories. I hope you can manage to load a photo...I'd love to see her as she was when she was young and feisty.
Raster
(20,998 posts)...the furry ones worm their way into our hearts and live... for the better, and are sorely missed when they depart.
Marbgd1
(28 posts)My condolences.
calimary
(81,466 posts)This is one of the things I REALLY love about DU. We bring up all kinds of things here. Involving every species! Two-legged, four-legged, winged, scaled, and otherwise! My mom died in late 2006. I got home from the hospital late at night. Feeling numb yet turbulent in a quiet part of the house, I posted about it here. Just an impulse. Within just a few minutes I was overwhelmed. Posts had started coming in almost immediately, and they just kept coming! It was incredibly therapeutic to take in, to read through the posts, to get to know and understand how really lovely people, here, are. I've often compared it to all these many pairs of shoulders that will buoy you up. Well, sure helped me, too. Every time I remind about it in some post or other, I'm halfway hoping enough of those who posted on that thread back then will see it, and consider it an ongoing thank-you.
redstatebluegirl
(12,265 posts)Demsrule86
(68,667 posts)Sorry...I try to take solace in these sad times thinking of happier days and that I gave my baby a good life...I am sure you gave your beloved kitty a good life too...take care.
N_E_1 for Tennis
(9,777 posts)lunatica
(53,410 posts)What your husband did with the washcloth was very good. I once saved a kitten by holding it while I brushed it with a toothbrush. I gave it food in an eye dropper and let it latch on to one of the small moles on my neck. The kitten responded very well and started getting noticeably better in a couple of days. It grew up to be a very handsome cat.
KT2000
(20,587 posts)in your heart and leaves a big space when they leave - it hurts like hell. I'm sorry, she was so lucky to have you and your family. RIP dB
dameatball
(7,399 posts)pnwmom
(108,994 posts)We think we know, but it's not till we lose them that the full force of the love and loss hits us.
Of course you MISS MISS MISS her.
herding cats
(19,567 posts)Take comfort in that you gave her a full life filled with love and caring.
I know the pain, I went through it twice last year myself. It's a heartbreaking, gut-wrenching feeling of deep sadness and loss. I'm sorry you're having to experience this now.
As someone who has found the last stray bit of fur and packed away the last of the personal items that were just too personal to keep seeing from day to day, I will say you'll always miss her, but try and focus on the better days and the happy memories.
Our fur family members fill our hearts and lives with pure unconditional love. It's a bittersweet trade-off when their too short lifespans steal them from us so soon.
bdamomma
(63,922 posts)easy to have our furry friends leave us.
gademocrat7
(10,669 posts)Zoonart
(11,878 posts)Seems like it has all been said, but holding you all in the light.
gratuitous
(82,849 posts)I still have dreams where Oscar or Dustin, Photinia or Nadia make a cameo, and they've all been gone for years. Little things remind me of each of them: a shadow passing along the wall; a squeak that sounds like a meow. The first shock of death was rough, but it slowly gets better.
samnsara
(17,635 posts).. I learned a long time ago theres no such thing as 'only' a cat or 'only' a dog. dB was your fur child..your best friend.. your companion for many years. You have earned your grief.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know you are in my thoughts and close to my heart during this sad time. Godspeed sweet dB.. what a GOOD girl you are!
(((hugs)))
Solly Mack
(90,785 posts)calimary
(81,466 posts)"...she wasn't JUST A CAT. she was witness to your life."
HOLY COW...
llmart
(15,552 posts)I am going to remember that one. I'm sorry for your loss and am still reeling from losing my constant companion of 15 years. She's been gone two weeks and I'm still numb. The most wonderful dog I'd ever had.
MuseRider
(34,119 posts)You made me cry, such a lovely story and it seems the blessings of her life went back and forth between all of you. The perfect relationship. She was, is, your family. Wishing you peace as you grieve. They are so important in our lives.
LeftInTX
(25,555 posts)The kitty was a member of your family for 20+ years
pazzyanne
(6,556 posts)dB had a wonderful life with loving "parents" and is now free of her earthly body and can once again move like she did when she was a kitten. She left a part of herself in your hearts just as she took a part of your hearts with her. That love will provide memories of the good times you had with her. I have gone through similar losses many times myself and it is not easy. Grieve your loss. dB would want you to give your love to another deserving kitty when you are ready. I now volunteer for the Humane Society by fostering orphaned kittens which helps me move forward. May you find your way forward as well, as dB would want you to do. Prayers for you all are on their way.
peggysue2
(10,839 posts)Never had a cat. I'm a dedicated dog person but know that the hardest part of having furry friends in our lives is when they die. I've had dogs since I was a kid and my husband shares the pup love. Every time we've lost once of our pups to old age or age-related illness, it's a new blow, a new grief.
The good part is that they leave an indelible mark and their lives are like calendars of our own. I can tell you exactly what was going down in own my life depending in what dog was standing at my knee (or hip if I'm talking about my two Berners ).
They don't leave completely: Teddy, Bingo, Winston, Tracey, Misty, Breena & Ruffian. They're still roaming around my memory and always bring up a smile. Can't beat that!
The downside is that we invariably outlive them. That's a bad design flaw IMHO.
crazycatlady
(4,492 posts)Treasure her memories.
femmedem
(8,207 posts)She sounds like an exceptionally sweet member of your family.
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)Goodby, little DB. Poof! You were loved!
iscooterliberally
(2,863 posts)We had to help our Sassy over the bridge and she was just a few weeks shy of her 23rd birthday. She only weighed in at about 4-6 pounds her entire life, but she wouldn't hesitate to bop our 100 pound GSD in the nose at times. I'm sorry for your loss!
kstewart33
(6,551 posts)She was a member of your family. It's amazing how much love a pet can create. Speaking from experience, it is a great loss.
Wishing you the very best.
MontanaMama
(23,337 posts)Moostache
(9,897 posts)I have been through the loss of pets more times than I wish, so I know the pain and sense of loss is real and just as relevant as any other relative leaving us. I hope that the warm memories of better times take over for you and leave you with the feeling of peace and knowing that you provided a long, safe and happy life for dB.
bronxiteforever
(9,287 posts)Duppers
(28,127 posts)Having been a mom to 5+ kitties, I can SO relate. I feel my nose turning red and now there's that moist trickle at the corner of my eyes. You bring back the feelings of loss.
I'll echo "there no such thing as *just a cat*" (or even *just a dog*). Our pets ARE our children and our friends. They bring out good, empathetic people's parental instincts as much as our flesh&blood children. I often said "I wished my son had been half as sweet and minding as our B-collie."
We pet owners understand your grief all too well. Cats can be our closest companions - had a (17yo) Siamese who was always within 1' of me all of my homebound hrs. She slept curled up w/me every night.
Post her pic when you can.
for dB
for you.
- d
NewJeffCT
(56,829 posts)you have my sympathy
Mosby
(16,350 posts)catbyte
(34,451 posts)The only time our furry family members are capable of breaking our hearts is when it's time for them to leave us. From your touching tribute, dB lived her best life with you. She loved you and your husband and was loved in return. We can't ask for much more out of life than that. I'm in tears along with you.
If imgur isn't working for you, I've found that www.tinypic.com is a great, free alternative. Again, I'm so sorry.
calimary
(81,466 posts)[IMG][/IMG]
On viewing the "preview" mode, THERE SHE IS! This was back in very much healthier days! But you can see the problem she had with her right eye. Still such a pretty kitty.
Only problem with this shot is, it's 90-degrees off. Should rotate once to the right.
THANKS for this advice, catbyte! This one worked!
mnhtnbb
(31,404 posts)I am so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful tribute to her.
(You would be able to embed this rotated photo in your OP if you wish by right clicking on the photo and then copy and paste--left click-- the Copy Image Location link.)
GregD
(2,263 posts)Mine was such a big handsome boy. I feel your pain. I still miss him from when he went to kitty heaven over 6 months ago.
calimary
(81,466 posts)That's the way it's supposed to be.
catbyte
(34,451 posts)Thank you for posting and I'm glad it worked for you.
jpak
(41,759 posts)Corvo Bianco
(1,148 posts)Thank you for sharing her with us
Im in tears for your loss.
It takes a lot of time to feel better.
Vinca
(50,303 posts)I know how awful it feels and that nothing anyone says really matters, but you do have my sympathy.
LittleGirl
(8,291 posts)lunasun
(21,646 posts)I could as part of my grieving . You chose to share some with DU . Thank you and I understand about spots of the house seeming empty
Granny M
(1,395 posts)It really hurts to lose our beloved animals. They are so much more that "just" cats or dogs - they are family. She sounds like she was quite a character. Wishing you peace and comfort in your memories of dB.
calimary
(81,466 posts)I used to think of her as a "Selma Diamond" cat because her meow was so low-pitched.
She liked to "doink". That's a word we came up with to describe when a cat discovers one of the flaps of an open cardboard box. The flap is just kinda there, extending out from the top of the box at an odd near-horizontal angle. dB loved that. She'd sit up, next to it, and with one paw would bat at the cardboard flap. She'd do it repeatedly. Sit there for a half-hour or more, batting that cardboard flap again and again. She'd bat it down and it'd bounce back up, and she'd bat it down again and it would bounce back up again, and --- well, you know. Multiple motions at a time, and the sound it would make: "doink-doink-doink-doink-doink..." always made us laugh. I think I took a short video of her, in deep doink mode, with an open cardboard box sitting on our dining room table. Makes me laugh even now.
IcyPeas
(21,904 posts)and make you smile. If you come across that video I'm sure we'd all love to see it. cats and their silly cardboard boxes! so sorry for your loss. she was soooo pretty.
Phentex
(16,334 posts)It's never easy! I am so sorry for your loss.
irisblue
(33,023 posts)calimary
(81,466 posts)Getting runny eyes all over again.
Hell, all of these have done it. I guess something like this brings out the poetry in people.
irisblue
(33,023 posts)I know she is telling Angels how exactly to fold their wings over her. She did like warm.
I grieve by you.
FuzzyRabbit
(1,969 posts)A cat is a bundle of love, both giving their love to you and receiving your love. It's no wonder we miss them so much when they go.
I miss my cats that have gone on before me. I hope that there is a heaven so that I can be reunited with them.
Scarsdale
(9,426 posts)"Cross the Rainbow Bridge" and wait for us. They are such a large part of our lives. My late husband always said "Never trust a person who does not like animals" They have their own personalities, all special. I have lost a few cats and dogs in my time. Each one was special in their own way. I am too old to adopt another pet, it is too sad to even think about the end coming. I inherited "my" cat from my son, when he passed away. She is at least 17 and a little diva, but sweet.
mgardener
(1,819 posts)I bet she was so greatful for all the loving you gave her!!!
sinkingfeeling
(51,473 posts)Response to calimary (Original post)
sinkingfeeling This message was self-deleted by its author.
GoneOffShore
(17,340 posts)Never 'just a dog'.
Remember all the sweet things she did.
And I'm sure you told her every day that she was a good cat and that you would miss her when she left.
It's been three years since we lost Singha, the crazy old lady cat - deaf, mostly blind, taking more pills than I did, a total pain in the butt when she wasn't feeling well - but we still miss her.
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,836 posts)So sorry!
LyndaG
(683 posts)She sounded like a sweetheart. You gave her a wonderful home and took good care of her. Glad you found each other.
GreenEyedLefty
(2,073 posts)Rest in peace, dB.
We said goodbye to our kitty a week ago yesterday. We had Jasper for 17 years. Best kitty I ever had.
It took a good couple of days to get over the initial blast of grief but my heart still aches.
I hope your memories of your sweet dB become a source of comfort and happiness - maybe not now, but in time.
Raine
(30,540 posts)but a beloved family member ... I'm so sorry
heaven05
(18,124 posts)losing our furry friends/companions. May you have peace that db has peace.
Fla Dem
(23,743 posts)It's hard saying good by. My brother and s-i-l just lost their darling cat at 19 years. As with you, she was with them longer then any of their kids. My brother tells me he'll walk into a room expecting to see her, or when they come home expect to see her greet them at the door. It will take time. You will move on, but you will never forget, she'll always be in your heart. You gave that darling girl 20 wonderful years of comfort, caring and love. Without you both, who knows what kind of a life she would have had. RIP dB.
Gothmog
(145,554 posts)oasis
(49,408 posts)The quality of our lives are made so much the better by these kind of relationships.
Calimary, you have my sympathy and support.
badhair77
(4,220 posts)Our pets are family members and take a part of our hearts with them when they go. I wish you peace.
Stinky The Clown
(67,818 posts)The cost of of our dear pets is paid in tears when we lose them. It never gets any easier.
We have found some solace in keeping their collars and tags on view hanging from a framed mirror in our foyer. One of these days I will do as I had planned two dogs ago. Make a shadow box sort of thing with their collars and tags encircling their pictures.
Doing that has proven too painful.
But one of these days . . . . . I will.
So sorry for your loss.
Maraya1969
(22,497 posts)I hope you can find some peace during this hard time.
Meowmee
(5,164 posts)Of beloved db. Rip run free 🐾🐾🐾💕🐈 Our fur-babes spirits hang around to watch over us and she is forever in your heart so talk to her and cherish all the memories. 20 years is a long time and a huge loss. I have just lost my girl to saddle thrombus after an extended illness, it is very difficult not to have her here with me now. She is the last of 5 over nearly a 20 year period. Im trying to post an image but it may not work so here is a poem as well:
According to Norse Legend, the sacred Rainbow Bridge called Bifrost connects Midgard (the realm of humankind) with Asgard (the realm of the Gods). Also known as Asabru ("Bridge of Gods" , Bifrost was magically constructed from fire, water and air...whose quivering and changing hues it has retained. Not only do the Gods use this Bridge to travel to and from the Earth, it also leads to the Urdar Well, situated at the foot of the great ash Yggdrasil, where they assemble daily in council.
Of all the Gods onlyThor, God of Thunder, never passes over the Bridge for fear it might be demolished by his heavy tread and lightning bolts. The Watchman God Heimdall stands guard over over Bifrost night and day. Armed with a trenchant sword, he carries a trumpet called Giallar-horn, upon which he generally blows a soft note to announce the coming or going of the Gods. However, Heimdell is destined to sound a terrible trump at the dawn of Ragnarok...the time the Frost Giants will unite with Surtr to destroy the world. During Ragnarok...the end of the cosmos...it is said that Bifrost, the Rainbow Bridge, will collapse and shatter beneath the weight of the monsters
The following poem is inspired by this Norse Legend
By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.
For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.
No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.
They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.
For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.
The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over
together.
-- Steve and Diane Bodofsky --
[link:https://www.google.com/search?q=link+to+cat+sympathy+image&client=safari&hl=en-us&prmd=ivsn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjg1s-jyfLbAhWIzVMKHRiEC-MQ_AUIESgB&biw=1024&bih=657#imgrc=5MLu9Nj-R6SUbM:|
peacebuzzard
(5,182 posts)That sweetheart story,
She left a vacant place,
so hard to lose our daily guardian angel,
So very sad.
democratisphere
(17,235 posts)I love my cats and dogs like family.
RandomAccess
(5,210 posts)Took my breath away, actually. I think I was expecting an orange "classic" tabby. Really beautiful.
I'm sorry for your loss -- and wish you speedy healing, if that's possible. Having gone through 5 of my own losses, I know it takes time.
Tavarious Jackson
(1,595 posts)I know the feeling. It's painful.
Response to calimary (Original post)
Rainbow Droid This message was self-deleted by its author.
Demonaut
(8,926 posts)sheshe2
(83,898 posts)dB was family and a sad loss to you and yours.
Heartstrings
(7,349 posts)dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)I love that so many DU folks absolutely get what it means to lose a fur kid.
Each tear and tug at the heart is a tribute to all the love and sweet memories they leave us with.
calimary
(81,466 posts)MarianJack
(10,237 posts)My family is still missing our loyal little friend Spirit, who went over the Rainbow Bridge last February, the day after his 14th birthday.
He may be gone from out everyday lives, but we'll always love him, just as you will dB.
PEACE!
ProfessorGAC
(65,168 posts)We've gone through the pet loss thing, too. It's tough.
Hang in there.
Number9Dream
(1,562 posts)Jack-o-Lantern
(968 posts)The most difficult thing about having a cat is.
I shook my head. Looked down at the floor with my eyes closed and replied.
The goodbye
niyad
(113,553 posts)love her (sorry for the mistake)
so very sorry for this sad loss.
calimary
(81,466 posts)I tell you, niyad, I've redone it for the other two cats and everything's all nice and clean and her pee mats are removed and all cleaned up. And it just seems so empty. I'm hiding here and keeping the BBC channel on. They've been airing a nonstop "Star Trek Voyager" binge. I can't even bear to watch any news. What a bleak week. And it's only Wednesday.
I am BEYOND grateful for this site, and all the loving and compassionate and empathetic souls here. Especially this week. You guys are keeping me going.
niyad
(113,553 posts)A wise decision to watch Star Trek-- much better than what is on the news!! You know that your DU family is here for you, with love and hugs and support and understanding.
Rhiannon12866
(206,016 posts)And I've been there, too. It never does get any easier. One thing that might help is to remember how fortunate she was to have found you.