from someone who has seen many waves.

Beautifully said. I think expressing comforting words to someone who is grieving is the hardest thing to do well.

Usually we just get a pass for trying. In rare occasions, it can actually done well enough to help.

💖💙💔💙💖

Three years ago next month, my father-in-law passed from a massive heart attack. He’d just retired and moved in with us three months prior.

Then my father succumbed to cancer a month later.

I turned 50 the following year and mortality has been hitting me hard since.

a friend suggested that I write about it so I did, every day in my journal. It took a good 3 months of constant grieving and then it dawned on me that she wouldn't want me to grieve forever. I deleted the journal from my computer file and i went forward. I was able to give a eulogy at her service. At the end I quoted the last words in the song "Bridge over Troubled Waters." When I got to the words "Sail on, Silver Girl, sail on by..." I could barely talk and had to stop and go sit down...

My father just passed away Wednesday.

Thanks

This is the kind of wisdom and perspective that only comes with years.

That said, I couldn’t help noticing that the author mentioned “mom” and even “grandparents” but not “dad.” Maybe that’s what originated a lot of those scars he described.

I assumed his dad was probably gone, too. But the more I think of it, you're probably right.

I've lost 3 beloved siblings and my parents. It never gets any easier, and as the author says, you don't want it to. Many scars, and the waves keep coming. In my brother's case, almost 30 years ago now. I usually don't break down sobbing at xmas now, unless I watch the happy old video's.......

I think most of us experience loss this way, I know I do. Some people just suppress everything though and feel nothing for a while, sometimes even a long time. My daughter is one of those people. After her grandmothers' death, she experienced the grief for a few days, but then pushed it down and didn't let herself feel anything about this for years. We were at her house on the 4th of July and she had probably had one too many adult beverages and was feeling great when someone said something about grandparents and she just dissolved into deep sobs of grief for her grandmother, to whom she was always very close. My best friend deals with grief this way as well. I do think that dealing with it as it arises is more healthy, though.

Beautiful

It reminded me of the 4:15 mark of this Torch Song Trilogy clip which helped to frame my perspective as I encountered (and still do) the waves following my partner’s passing from leukemia. Not sure about embedding videos, so I hope the link works.

https://m.

thanks. now I'm sobbing.

One of the things that makes us human is that ability to grieve, and to grieve for a long time. Even when the grief has receded, we still remember and miss those who are no longer here.

so honest. Thanks for posting.

Another good writer on grief is:

https://johnpavlovitz.com/?s=Grief

I lost my wife to pancreatic cancer a year and a half ago and am finally resurfacing a little.

I have had a lot of losses, too. I, of course, have lost my Mother and Father and other friends and relatives over the years but I never really accepted the finality of life on this earth. I have had to accept death in a way I have never had to before, as in the last 5 years, I have lost 2 brothers, 1 sister, a nephew (53), and a son (53). I can feel myself healing and beginning to feel alive again. It is a struggle and I thank you for sharing your own grief and struggle. Being strong doesn't help, but time does.

It was exceptionally helpful in its descriptiveness - and I still use the wave analogy (several years later they still happen, but they are now shallow and brief.)

I have a text file that I save all the good words to say, cause I can't find 'em when I'm grieving.. This one got copy/pasted real quick
m

How beautifully said.😭

Thanks for the thread Roland.

The waves analogy reminds me of the ocean

Waves come in regularly and every 7th or 8th save brings in some bigger ones. Then things ebb and wane for a bit.

They never end but they can be endured

I've lost my mother, father, brother, son and so many fubabies, sometimes I'm just lost in the memories. My only thought is I don't want to be the last man standing. My heart aches for everyone who is in the throes of mourning ~ it's such a lonely, overwhelming place to be.

most other people dont understand on what is going on. i lost my mom in 2004 and its 2018 and i still miss her, and yes it is painful. one of the words i hate in the english language is that horrid word closure . u dont close . how can u close on someone you love ??

My previous husband died when our kids were pretty young. Maybe about a year or two after he died, my youngest son had a very bad time because he was having a hard time remembering his dad.

It tugs at our hearts when we remember, but not remembering is just emptiness.

when I got up this morning, I found out that a long time friend died last night...breast cancer.

So, I saw this when I needed to. Thanks for posting.