Good post, good points.

Reading through a few threads this morning, I did notice some divisiveness happening in regard to that subject.

He was in his early 20s and stopped for a beer somewhere. Getting in his car this guy got in the passenger seat and tried to molest him.
My husband fought the guy and eventually was able to push him with his feet out the door.
He took off.
My husband is in his 60s today and still remembers it.

Or why you insist that women include a "not all men" caveat to soothe you.

If you are a non-rapey man, good for you! But the topic is rapey men, so the topic is NOT YOU.

Also, the topic is not pedophile victims. When pedophilia is in the news, as it has been, people here express their horror at what the victims experienced, and their anger at how the abuse was covered up.

I don't recall ONE MAN posting on pedophile threads to complain that people weren't acknowledging that not all men are pedophiles.

We do NOT have to acknowledge that rapists are a minority of men, like we're required to give out cookies because you were a good boy or something. Decent man know they are decent men, and they shouldn't need a pat on the head for being so.

That’s the way you feel and need to put it back on me. I don’t need more of that.

We will never agree. Good bye

not believe. Why not just thank him for sharing and leave it at that?

He shared his story for two reasons: 1) to inform us that males can be sexually assaulted too, as if no one was aware of that; and 2) to instruct every woman that every time she tells her story of being raped she has to add a caveat that it's only a minority of men who rape.

I promise you I would've had a different response to his story if he had told it without that motivation.

When women talk about their rapes, they are not ignoring the sexual abuse that happens to young boys. The OP's story of what happened to him as a boy is sad. But to tell it in the context of women's rapes is muddying the issue we've been confronted with this past year: the sexual abuse of women and girls that happens over & over & again, in all different venues, in all sorts of professional and recreational situations. We want it to stop being culturally acceptable behavior, and we want to stop being mocked or dismissed when not being disbelieved outright.

I hope I have answered your question.

father, brother or me and I have no sons. I said you should not broad brush all men. Then the OP writer says she will stop broad brushing men when men stop raping.

So if you say "men rape" you are not being honest. If we are going to have a discussion on rape we should be completely honest in what we say. Without truthfulness we are not having a debate at all.


If you don't like that it's not my problem.

Abuse is abuse, period.

Claiming it as just our issue is self-defeating, stupid, and just plain wrong.

But there are different *categories* of sexual abuse.

If men were sharing their stories of having been raped as boys, and a woman injected her story of being raped, it would feel out of place. As wrenching as her story would be, man-on-woman rape is in a different category from pedophilia.

And if she said "You know, women get raped too" I would be baffled as to why she felt pedophilia victims needed to be told that right then.

So many parents fail to understand the danger that their innocent children could be in. The parents' lack of knowledge and perhaps over-trusting of relatives and close friends bring predators in and allow them opportunities to rape and assault their children.

When nobody talks about rape, then nothing ever changes. Each new generation is a fresh target unless parents are made aware of the dangers. I hope we've finally turned the corner on this because victims like you are coming forward and talking about it plainly. It's so unfair what happened to you and it's equally unfair that your parents didn't protect you. But today's young parents can't say they "didn't know" because there are so many victims coming forward now with courage to talk about it.

Parents must protect their children from all the dangers, and sometimes the danger is from other family members or close friends. Please continue to speak up and warn people, because it's so important.

There are a lot of people willing to jump on that bandwagon and tear down fellow DUers without regard to who we are. This is especially awful when someone takes a risk and opens their heart, as you did.

It takes a lifetime to deal with abuse, and there is no "closure" for the victims. You just learn to live with the place that got damaged. Who the hell are these people who want to assess the depth of your pain and find it less significant than their own?

You did the right thing to warn off other people from the man who abused you -- it is hard as hell to do that. My disclosure of my father's abuse of me after he abused my little girl ultimately ripped my family apart, and all I wanted was for him to stop and my family still to love me.

But as for DU pile-ons -- I feel like this place is going through an ugly phase. I got slammed over the weekend for standing up for white women (I am one). The bandwagon of fellow-travellers quickly filled up with people who were willing to agree on our worthlessness.

Well, I am not buying a ticket for that particular guilt-trip, and I question the motives of the people who start and/or join in that kind of behavior. We can have honest discussions and educate others without ripping this community apart.

well.

The bandwagon of fellow-travellers quickly filled up with people who were willing to agree on our worthlessness.

Well, I am not buying a ticket for that particular guilt-trip, and I question the motives of the people who start and/or join in that kind of behavior. We can have honest discussions and educate others without ripping this community apart.

Thanks for this post.

I understand. I too celebrated when the relative died in an accident.



Peace and healing be upon you.

and much harder for those stories to surface. That pain lies so very deep. So excruciating to reveal and face the nightmare decades later.
I am sorry you were flamed on another thread. That is unacceptable.