White House Staff Nervously Checking Whether Trump Retweeted Anything by Bombing Suspect

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Moments after law enforcement apprehended the pipe-bombing suspect, Cesar Sayoc, in Florida, White House staffers scrambled to make sure that Donald J. Trump had never retweeted anything from Sayoc’s demented Twitter feed.

The alarm bells went off at the White House after the chief of staff, John Kelly, reviewed Sayoc’s feed, which is riddled with right-wing conspiracy theories and paranoid attacks on George Soros, and thought that some of the tweets “looked kind of familiar,” an aide to Kelly confirmed.

After spotting the similarities, Kelly enlisted Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and Jared Kushner to comb through Trump’s Twitter feed and ascertain whether he had in fact retweeted any of the bombing suspect’s unhinged ravings.

As of late Friday afternoon, the team of staffers had not yet identified any retweets of the alleged pipe bomber by Trump, but cautioned that their work was “far from over,” a White House source said.

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