Mitt Romney was looking over his likability stats and he got hopping mad

He then called Paul Ryan into his posh office.

"Look at this!", said an obviously perturbed Romney as he waved a stack of papers in front Ryan's chiseled face. "Obama is wiping the floor with us on these numbers. More people like him than they like me. We've got to change these likability stats to our favor. So, I'm going to put you in charge of this, your job from now on will to get more people to like us. Do what you have to do Paul; get the people to hate Obama, tell them that he's dangerous and hateful... Whatever, just get the job done."

Ryan said, "Yes, sir" and walked out of Mitt's office to do the job of making their team more likable with the people.

A week later Mitt received the new stats. His numbers turned downward by ten points, it was the single worst drop of likability numbers over one week in the recorded history of the poll.

Mitt blew his top. "Get Ryan in here!", he screamed into his intercom.

When Ryan entered the room, an angry Romney threw the papers at him, and Ryan had to duck to avoid getting his fabulously coiffed hairdo from getting mussed.

"The numbers are down by ten freaking points!" shouted Romney, "How could this happen?"

Ryan replied, "I just don't know, Sir. I did everything that you've asked and more. I flashed my fabulous smile, batted my deep blue eyes and called Barack Obama every name in the book."

"What happened next?", asked a still visibly angry Romney.

"Well, it was a disaster", said Ryan. "Everywhere I went I was being heckled and shouted down by crowds. I can't explain it... They just don't like us out there. However, I do have a suspicion about why more people would like him more than they like us..."

"And what is that?", asked Romney.

"Joe Biden", said Ryan. "Joe Biden is their secret weapon.".

"Alright then, your next job will be to go out and destroy Joe Biden", said Romney, as he regained his traditionally stoic composure.

The taut, yet flexible Ryan said, "Yes, sir" and did a backflip out of Mitt's office.

Another week went by and when the likability poll came in, the showed a fifteen point drop for the Romney/Ryan team, breaking the previous week's record loss.

Again an apoplectic Romney called Ryan into his office and instead of taking it out on the man who had failed at his task, Romney broke out in tears and wept as an equally upset Ryan tried to comfort him.

"I just don't get it", sobbed Romney. "I don't understand why more people hate us now. I mean, what does Obama and Biden have that we don't have?"

Ryan was silent and Romney looked up at him and asked, "How did it go out there, Paul?"

"It was horrible", said Ryan. "Even worse than the last time. Everyone hated me, even the Fox News people revolted."

"What is it that they want?", said Romney. "I'm rich, I'm white, I have a beautiful family. You're rich, you're white and you have a beautiful family too. I'm a conservative, you're a conservative... They should love us more than ever. Tell me, why couldn't you destroy Joe Biden?"

"I tried, but I couldn't do it", said Ryan.

"Why not?"

"It was incredible, you should have seen him in action, sir" replied Ryan. "Everywhere he went, the crowds were mesmerized. He fed a multitude with fish and loaves, walked on water and even brought a man back from the dead."

"Oh my goodness", said Romney. "What did you do? You tried to do the same right?"

"Yes, I did", said Ryan. "And I found that I couldn't repeat Biden's feats. So, I told everyone that we would save Medicare, pay down the debt and lower unemployment instead, while calling Obama every name in the book."

"No wonder you've failed", said Romney. "Why couldn't you just do what Biden did?"

After a moment of silence, Ryan looked at Romney with those gorgeous baby blues of his and said, "But I'm not Joe Biden."

The moral of the story: Don't fuck with Joe Biden, 'cause he'll fuck you back in return.