Than make your special recipes the day before or the day after without them. Enjoy what you want to eat.

Would they let you make some of your favorites if you asked or even took over the kitchen every other holiday?

Her mother puts peppers in the corn.

I like yams like they come and corn as corn etc.

..things on that menu - like appetizers... and you do the rest?

and then her mother showed up and the two of them took over.

Maybe you and her could trade off each year?

Tell your relatives as next year's festivities are being planned that they cook last year, and you would like to cookthis one. Then take no guff. Decide what you feel like making, and if your in-laws say anything, just assign something for them to bring.

Uncle Eddie wants to take over? Please bring a bottle of....

Aunt Sue wants to stew? How would you like to bring a cookie tray? Or a veggie tray?

Then set about your menu, and introduce the well meaning non chefs to what happens when you cook your Mama's way.

you are denying your new family the experience of your old one.

You only have to eat their cooking one day a year. They are stuck with it all 365.

Christmas isn't only one day...

The turkey was still frozen solid on Christmas, so it's now on the menu for this weekend. And that really does make more sense. My mother was always stuck with cooking a labor intensive meal on Christmas Day when we were busy with so many other things, I don't know how she managed it...

I had planned on making two pies (that need refrigeration), and once my grown sons arrived with their ladies, it was a trip to Safeway every 6 hours or so, and boom.. my fridge space was now filled.. so no pies for them Last night while I was making homemade waffles, the wives headed for Safeway and came back with 2 grocery bags full of refrigerated snacky stuff and cheeses & wine..

My oldest jokingly said I was being a "martyr"..I have a potluck to go to on Thursday.. they will get the pies..

German Chocolate pies ...yummy !!!

I don’t get it. Not one of them can cook.

I come from a family where meals are important. They aren’t just meals, it’s a time when the whole family comes together every day. My in-laws will literally get what they can find in the refrigerator or cabinets and head to their rooms to eat. My wife says it’s always been like that. Since meeting me she has gotten into cooking. We cook and eat together with our son every night.

We have been having Christmas at my house. It’s difficult to stomach their holiday meals. That said, I always did like Christmas and Thanksgiving at their house. My family used dinner and weekend breakfast as a time for us to be together. It’s really what they use Thanksgiving and Christmas for. They are really very loving and good people. All of the catching up they did was a joy to watch. Lots of uncomfortable moments as well.

Still, a whole family and not one of them can cook.

They only come into my kitchen to chat when I host. They don’t help because they don’t know what to do. I would rather it that way.

Then why aren’t you speaking up? You sound defeated and powerless in your own life. I don’t mean that as an attack but an observation. Stand up for yourself.

I always cook. If I choose not to, it would be exactly that - a choice.

Good god, the op needs to get in the kitchen and rattle those pots and pans!