Happy pResident's Day, Spanky!

In keeping with the occasion, I thought this would be an opportune time to remind you of everything that’s happened since you were dumb enough to think you could actually be president.

Your self-made billionaire story got shot full of holes. Now everyone knows that if it wasn’t for your daddy’s money, you’d probably be flipping burgers at that McDonald’s over on Queens Boulevard.

Your boasts about being a ladies-man now conjure up the image of your “little mushroom-like dick”. (Thanks, Stormy!)

You used to be the self-proclaimed best negotiator of all times – now you’re known as the man who wound up with billions less for your wall than you were originally offered.

Your “charitable foundation” was exposed as a con game – just like your “university” – and there isn’t a Trump-owned business that isn’t under investigation.

Your “very best people” have been indicted – and your “loyal friends” are spilling their guts to Mueller.

You’ve proven to the world that you’re illiterate, and have to have your daily briefings pared down to a few sentences with pretty pictures – and even then you don’t understand a single thing that anyone is talking about.

You used to brag about your physical stamina – a claim the photos of you needing a golf-cart to transport your lard-ass while other world leaders can actually walk a few hundred feet kind of shot that all to hell, didn’t it?

You used to be known as a successful real estate mogul – now you’re just the punchline in every late-night TV show monologue.

You’ve demonstrated your stupidity on a daily basis – like declaring that congress was working on a middle-class tax-cut when they weren’t even in session, or insisting that stealth bombers are literally invisible.

You once touted yourself as being an admired businessman. Now you’re the guy boarding Air Force One with a wad of toilet paper stuck to his shoe – and no one “respected” you enough to even tell you it was there. The people who are paid to look out for you just laughed at you behind your back – same as the rest of the planet.

You’ve reacted to the Mueller investigation into obstruction of justice by continuing to obstruct justice – and you somehow seem to think he hasn’t noticed.

Thanks to your “pResidency”, the whole world now knows you’re just another two-bit con man who’s too stupid to stop digging the hole he’s already in.

Just think about it, Spanky. If you hadn’t decided to sell out your country to the Russians in exchange for the “presidency”, you’d be golfing right now without a care in the world. Your business dealings wouldn’t be under a microscope, your “friends” wouldn’t be choosing between telling the truth and a lengthy prison sentence, your own children wouldn’t be living with the fear of imminent indictment, and you could have possibly continued your money-laundering, your tax-evasion, and your other crimes under the radar. You went from being on top of your own corrupt world to being buried under it.

You fooled yourself into believing you could be a contender, Spanky. Instead you’re just another dumb mook with a one-way ticket to Palookaville.

Nice little fake “presidency” you have there – be a shame if something happened to it. And thanks to Bob Mueller and the Democrats in congress, something is about to.

And buleeeve me bigly, you’re not going to like it.