The Rude Pundit - Reacharound Friday: Guns Don't Accidentally Shoot Their Idiot Owners

Just an observation: Doesn't it seem like every time Mitt Romney is in deep shit over something (tax returns, abortion craziness) somebody ends up shooting the shit out of a place, thus pushing Romney out of the headlines for some breathing space? That motherfucker will do anything to change the subject.

Today, the unending thrum of mass shooting after mass shooting continued, the long hot summer of murder (ask Chicago, man) going out with a bang with a big damn shootout on one of the busiest corners in the United States, right near the Empire State Building. How disgusting we must look to other countries, cowering behind our guns, like simpering little inarticulate bitches, unable to express ourselves except through bullets. What's a shocking anomaly elsewhere is merely par for the course here, the price for the imprisoning "freedom" of gun ownership.

But it's Friday. So let's laugh at stupid assholes.

Zombie Darwin must be chortling his bearded bony ass at this 18-year old in Port St. Lucie, Florida, just across the state from Tampa, who was "cleaning his .357 Magnum revolver when he 'somehow accidentally shot himself in the groin and leg area.'" Yep, the gun just went off, and he shot his fucking nuts off. And perhaps we can all breathe a little easier knowing that he'll probably never pollute the gene pool with his brainless seed. Where did he get that dick substitute to carry around? "He bought the handgun from someone at a party more than a month ago," which doesn't sound like a legal gun sale, but, fuck, it's Florida. He's not facing any charges, except the echoing sounds of giggling cops.

Need more to feel vastly superior to gun nuts? How about the Indiana man who modified his Ruger and shot off his fingertip? The South Carolina man who shot his hand with a .40 Smith and Wesson at a gun show? The North Carolina man who shot himself while showing off a pistol at a gun show? The rural Washington man who had MacGyvered a mole trap using a 12-gauge shotgun and shot out his knee (to the everlasting delight of the moles who had an orgy in his blood after while he rolled around screaming)? The Nevada man who shot himself in the ass in a movie theatre (he was deemed responsible enough to have a conceal carry permit)? The New Hampshire man who shot himself in the ass while watching TV? The Nebraska man who shot himself in the foot (holy true-life aphorisms) while unloading his Glock? The Oklahoma man who accidentally shot himself in the chest?

That's just in the last couple of weeks. And this list is by no means exhaustive.

What the Rude Pundit would like to know is how many of the men up there used that excuse, "The gun just went off"? And he wonders how many of those who said that have also used the worthless canard that "guns don't kill people..."

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