Thank You, Republicans!

We’ve wondered how bad the Mueller report is for your “pResident” – and thanks to your reaction to it, we now know it’s damned fuckin’ bad!

We thought maybe – a long-shot, but maybe – the report might contain a sentence or two that was exculpatory, or perhaps a term or phrase that cast your “pResident” in even a vaguely good light. But thanks to your AG’s four-page synopsis full of pretty much nothing, we now know that there weren’t even enough straws for him to grasp onto in order to spin anything more than a feeble attempt to make things look not quite as bad as they actually are.

We were certain you would drag your feet on disclosing the full report until you had sufficient time to concoct a decent cover story, and were able to cherry-pick a few quotes that at least seemed credible evidence that your “president” wasn’t quite as corrupt as he appears to be. But thanks to your attacks on people like Adam Schiff, and your insistence that Mueller’s report be kept under wraps, we know that the report is as damning and as politically explosive as we always suspected it would be.

And so it is with all due gratitude that we thank you for answering our most pressing questions about what the Mueller report says, and why it is imperative that the American people be able to read every word of it.

If not for your unfailing ability to attempt to distract from the truth being told about your “pResident”, we wouldn’t know for sure that he is a Russian-colluding traitor – because if Mueller’s report even hinted at his innocence, you would have insisted it be released to Congress and the public immediately, and in full.

Nuthin’ says sumthin’ like a Republican saying don’t look here! to know exactly what needs to be looked at – and why.

I haven’t played poker in decades. But I am confident that given the obvious “tells” of the GOP, I could take you all on at once – and win every hand.