Profiles in Crazy, LXXXXI. . . . Please come CAPTION PresiDented Trump!!!

PresiDented Trump is saying: "Believe me, the last thing I want to do is make The Fourth of July a partisan event. It should be for all Americans. That's why I'd like to start out with a address about how Washington is supposed to work and would work, without traitors who want the worst for our country and how our country is under assault by an immigrant invasion, terrible trade deals, and the Democrats. Then we'll have some great marching bands who can spell our MAGA as they're walking down the street. Then some floats with a Miss MAGA crowned on the very last one. Then I'll introduce our great military and talk about how it was in tatters when I came into office before they march beneath giant MAGA balloons. Then I'll speak about the conspiracy that attempted a coup on this government before the fireworks. The show trials will begin on the fifth."