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neeksgeek

(1,214 posts)
Sat Sep 21, 2019, 08:38 AM Sep 2019

What is it about some people that makes them dishonest?

Infrequent poster here. I have a story to tell. I’m going to leave out names and places because this can be generalized, and it just all led to a question.

So last week before teaching I was out on campus with a camera, photographing a construction site (the campus is getting a massive facelift). An older gentleman walked up to me to ask what I was doing. I was a bit defensive, as I’m getting tired of cameras being viewed as dangerous, but it became clear he wasn’t challenging me.

I introduced myself and he replied with “you know who I am.” I answered, “no, I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

He gave his name (I still drew a blank), and went on to list his achievements: owner of a big local business, as well as former mayor (?), former Congressman (?), and that he’d also run for governor.

Then he told me were he’d gone to school, and we talked about photography.

I was curious so I looked him up. He is indeed a wealthy man who inherited a big business, that’s true. He didn’t go to school where he claimed! Found his mayoral campaign site and immediately knew why he’d not even gotten past the primary. The statements on the website were incoherent.

Further research revealed he’d never held any office. He lost every election he’d ever been in, both as a Democrat and a Republican. I found LTTE comments about his performance during his last campaign and it just solidified my thinking: I see why he lost.

But my question is, why does a certain type of person just embellish like that? What is the point?

Edited the title.

10 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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What is it about some people that makes them dishonest? (Original Post) neeksgeek Sep 2019 OP
What makes then dishonest? Greed! vlyons Sep 2019 #1
You're right about that neeksgeek Sep 2019 #3
I see it through Buddhist teachings vlyons Sep 2019 #10
your brush is far too broad Hermit-The-Prog Sep 2019 #2
Ah, I will edit the title neeksgeek Sep 2019 #4
much better, thanks! Hermit-The-Prog Sep 2019 #5
The fact that he would ask if you knew who he was indicated his need to be tblue37 Sep 2019 #9
That is an interesting question and one that has melm00se Sep 2019 #6
Their Insecurity CommonSenseMom Sep 2019 #7
Is there a line between lying and being dishonest? elocs Sep 2019 #8

neeksgeek

(1,214 posts)
3. You're right about that
Sat Sep 21, 2019, 08:52 AM
Sep 2019

But in the situation I described, what possible motive could there be for him to lie to a random adjunct faculty member of just another college? Trying to impress me?

vlyons

(10,252 posts)
10. I see it through Buddhist teachings
Sat Sep 21, 2019, 12:33 PM
Sep 2019

The main flaw in all of us is delusion, referred to in Buddhism as ignorance. Ignorance in this sense is not low IQ, but simply "not knowing" how things really exist. The ego, the sense of Self is a delusion that we think exists as some real solid self-existant thing. It SEEMS real, but look as hard as you can, and you won't find a self. We all have a mind, but it also is unfindable. We defend this sense of self and string together a ,lot of experiences and feelings and label it "I." In the case of your adjunct faculty member, I would guess that in his mind, he nurtures envy for what others have accomplished that he failed at. So he imagines himself to have done what he envies and gets to feel his ego inflate when he lies to others. It's a vicarious and ultimately unsatisfying experience for him.

That's my 2 cents about it.

Hermit-The-Prog

(33,349 posts)
5. much better, thanks!
Sat Sep 21, 2019, 09:00 AM
Sep 2019

Greed or self-aggrandizement are a couple of reasons people play loose with the truth. The reasons behind those keep psychiatrists and cops busy.

tblue37

(65,393 posts)
9. The fact that he would ask if you knew who he was indicated his need to be
Sat Sep 21, 2019, 09:45 AM
Sep 2019

recognized and seen as special. He thought he could safely get his narcissistic supply from you because you were a stranger who would not cause him narcissistic injury by questioning him.

His need to lie about his status is related to several of the traits common to narcissism:

-Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from others
-Fixation on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
-Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people and institutions
-Need for continual admiration from others


Obviously there are other traits associated with narcissism but these are the ones relevant to the situation you describe.

Since you didn't know him or have any reason to check up on his claims, it never occurred to him that you would do so.

melm00se

(4,993 posts)
6. That is an interesting question and one that has
Sat Sep 21, 2019, 09:01 AM
Sep 2019

been subject to quite a bit of research.

I recall reading that one of the most common traits of political leaders (and business leaders as well) is narcissism well above the general population's statistical norm.

While being a narcissist may or may not mean they have a mental illness, they do exhibit certain traits:

- They expect to get special treatment.
- They exaggerate their own smarts, success, power, and looks.
- The lack empathy
- They may be extremely jealous and ultra-sensitive.

Because of these traits, they may find it super-difficult to have healthy relationships, and have loads of trouble in structured social situations like work or school.

Please note that this trait crosses political and ideological boundaries.

CommonSenseMom

(43 posts)
7. Their Insecurity
Sat Sep 21, 2019, 09:03 AM
Sep 2019

My 2nd husband (hey, don't judge unless you know the stories) - was just like the man you describe & just like Dolt45. Had to embellish everything because he felt (secretly, deep inside - probably not even conscious of it) woefully inadequate. He'd failed at just about everything he'd tried, but that was embarrassing, so he made up stuff. All the time. Repeated the lies so many times, he began to believe it was the truth. Had a powerful belief that he was superior to others & very much entitled to whatever he wanted. Enraged when he saw friends achieving (through hard work & effort he never bothered to do) their best goals. He was insecure and resentful as hell when anyone other than him did well.

His insecurities made him mean and cruel. I was lucky to escape him.

Sound familiar?

elocs

(22,580 posts)
8. Is there a line between lying and being dishonest?
Sat Sep 21, 2019, 09:03 AM
Sep 2019

Everybody lies for one reason or another, but does it take a certain number of lies or their frequency to label someone dishonest?
Must the lies be self-serving in some respect?

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