General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsSaturday's Tail Gate party went very bad..
Yale's opening game for the season, against Holy Cross. Our tailgate group eager to get the party on...good eats on a big grill, lots of sides and desserts and much to drink.
Then, one guest came, a verbal tussle and cops called...
A friend of ours, a Yalie (altho he didn't graduate from Yale), showed up after he had been banned two years earlier for his "bad behavior." He had shown up then glassy-eyed, with an unzipped fly and began sticking his fingers in the dips to taste them. We were horrified and he was asked to leave, which he did. It turns out he had not taken his medication for depression that morning.
So this year, he asked to be re-invited and said he was ON his meds. He apologized for his past behavior and asked to be allowed to attend and got permission, with the caveat "Take your meds." He arrived with two quiches to contribute to the food table and seemed perfectly normal.
But one lontime tailgater had not gotten the message of his re-invitation. She confronted him saying "What are YOU doing here!You are not welcome! Leave or I'm calling the cops!"
Before we knew it cops arrived. Our friend, nonplussed, had left. I spoke to the cops about our friend's kindness and his service to the community as a volunteer on the Homeless Commission. As he had left the party, there was no further issue with the police.
I had a lengthy conversation with him today. He was upset that he had followed the rules but was still "outlawed." He had not demonstrated any bad behavior but still was publicly humiliated. He said he was starting his own tailgate group.
Sad start to Yale's new fall season, which we all love.
elleng
(131,202 posts)and returns some day.
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)with errands when I was too exhausted with my husband's care to do. He was there for us. I told his tailgate detractor about this and she was unmoved.
what is the matter with people?
elleng
(131,202 posts)PoindexterOglethorpe
(25,914 posts)is the one who called the cops. She was out of line. Although it would have helped to have let everyone know that Yalie was invited this year.
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)this was a complete surprise to everyone around us.
I suspect that his objector had been drinking rather steadily. She has been known to indulge a bit more than most.
Our friend, my husband and I were not drinking alcohol. Hubby and I don't drink any more at all.
trof
(54,256 posts)I was there for "The Game", the 100th.
Very elaborate 'do'.
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)were there a couple of years ago when Paul McCartney and Malia Obama were both present. Paul has a grandson at Yale; Malia I believe was a freshman at Harvard.
The Game will be at the Bowl this year. Gonna be a big do as usual. Filets on the grill and lots of champagne. The following week will be Thanksgiving where we have to be in the company of my ex-husband, big Harvard guy. Pray Yale wins this year...
trof
(54,256 posts)You could look up the year.
We drove from Merrimack, NH in a motor home I rented.
4 couples.
Nice to have your own loo.
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)bathroom of the Bowl itself...NOT HANDICAP ACCESSIBLE! No bars to pull oneself off the toilet. Clean, but designed by men, for men.
TidalWave46
(2,061 posts)Some people I know have pretty bad days when they are on medication, and it can be frightening when they are off them. I try to stay a constant in their life no matter what has been said or done. Being so close to it is why I understand that saving face is often much easier than exposing ones self to a new group.
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)know for sure) drinking.
What more could the guy do?
Ligyron
(7,639 posts)I mean, Holy Cross could have won, right?
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)tail gate membership, with only a very few exceptions, is white.
Ligyron
(7,639 posts)although it shouldn't be.
GulfCoast66
(11,949 posts)But then read the medical issues and finally the potential racial issue.
But at the end of the day tailgate parties with lots of alcohol and little known folks are always a recipe for disaster.
But look on the bright side. I went to an SEC school(which I follow religiously). Down here it might have ended in a shooting! Ok I kid. Most folks are super nice.
Your team ever go to LSU(not my school) make sure you go. The tailgating is mind blowing and you be offered the best food you have ever had. Unless they think you might actually win, which is unlikely at LSU!
I hope it works out with your friend. Sounds like he needs a new environment. Glad he seems to be doing better.
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)We often watch Big 10 games on TV. Spectacular half times. I don't watch the games but I watch half times...
lunatica
(53,410 posts)Get your entire tailgate team together to discuss this situation. Your lady friend should be a part of it because shes not guilty of any form of racism or general assholery. She expected he would act the same way and reacted to protect the group from another extremely embarrassing situation with him.
If its important enough then the group will come up with how to deal with it. They might decide to apologize and ask him back. He isnt just a jerk. He has a physiological problem that requires medication. If you just let this go without doing something it will always bother you. It could be one of those things you regret for the rest of your life.
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)I doubt she would allow this conversation to go on further.
He did consult with one of the other "founders" and had a frank discussion. So this was something the "leaders" had talked about in advance.
Sorry I forgot to mention our friend's race. This will have to be discussed in terms that include race. Plus, it seems crude in the context of the vaunted Ivy League. But now I see it is going to have to be considered.
a la izquierda
(11,797 posts)But I venture to say no one at that party has ever been to a Mountaineers tailgate party. The behavior can be shocking to say the least (and the behavior of the guy wouldnt bat an eyelash).
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)It's probably because of the possibility of trouble when people are drinking.
It's funny because the big 10 schools are often parodied by the regular performance of the ironically titled Yale Precision Marching Band, a group that parodies Big 10 school's half time bonanzas. These parodies are usually crude. By the time of The Game (with Harvard) the half time presentations tend to be a lot of fun.
The Game will be at Yale this year.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,467 posts)There is a lot going on here.
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)She never forgave the incident when he was off his meds. Or maybe it's because he has brought a white woman as his date to the party in the past.
At any rate, she is one of the "founders" of the party, having a kid who was a Yalie. I don't know the rest of the story on her, but I am certain that race has played a part in it.
The majority of attendees are great. No axes to grind, no nasty remarks about anybody, just a relaxed bunch out for a good time on game day and folks rooting for Yale.
The Cornell game is next Saturday. I intend to avoid her at all costs. Maybe someone who knows her better can speak to her about the scene she has caused.
Stay tuned!
lunatica
(53,410 posts)Now I understand much better what youre group dynamics are. And it does look like racism has to be discussed (if there is even a discussion). At the very least it has the appearance of racism.
I'm glad The rest of the people are simply out to have a good time without judgement. That is critically important, especially now when racism is something that needs to be acknowledged confronted
I appreciate that you told us this story.
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)feedback from other attendees.
RobinA
(9,898 posts)of the current vogue of opening one's mouth before knowing the facts. The day hasn't started if you haven't gotten in someone's face about something these days.
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)I don't think she made any friends with this stunt...
GusBob
(7,286 posts)"the Game: Harvard, Yale and America in 1968" by George Howe Colt
Football and politics both
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)Yale was supposed to win but ended in a tie?
GusBob
(7,286 posts)Yes Yale was up by a bunch with just over a minute to go and H came back to tie
Both teams were undefeated but Yale was supposed to win
But the book is more than football it is about the Politics of that generation
CTyankee
(63,912 posts)Was that the year that women were admitted to the Ivy League schools? I remember the Seven Sisters weren't admitting men at one point and then most of them started to admit them. Except for a couple. One was Mount Holyoke that my daughter attended and it's still all female.
GusBob
(7,286 posts)it is covered in the book along with black and Jewish enrollment and that of public school students