This Is Not America

https://www.wonkette.com/this-is-not-america

This Is Not America
Evan Hurst
October 25, 2019 12:33 PM


The New York Times reported Thursday night that Attorney General Bill Barr's jaunt around the globe to chase down every weird conspiracy theory about the origins of the Russia investigation that falls out of Donald Trump's ass is now a criminal investigation, which means John Durham, the US attorney ostensibly leading the investigation, now has power to impanel a grand jury, issue subpoenas, and yes, bring criminal charges.

Against people who investigated Russia's attack on the 2016 election that helped install Donald Trump in office.

If this news is what it seems like it is, then America is on thin ice. This is Kremlin shithole banana republic stuff, which shouldn't surprise us, because a Kremlin shithole banana republic guy is president of the United States.

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So on one hand, if Durham were taking his job seriously and for real investigating Donald Trump's fever dreams (if only to eliminate them as suspects), then one way for him to definitively conclude there is no "there" there (because there's not) would be for him to impanel a grand jury and interview every witness and cross every T and dot every I, then finally say "ALL FINISHED!" and close his criminal investigation without producing any criminals. (He's done it before!)

That's the best-case scenario. All the other scenarios are very bad, because all the "on the other hands" we can think of involve Bill Barr turning the Justice Department into an AR-15 and committing a mass shooting attack against the United States Constitution.

So ... who knows!

Of course, we're not actually worried they're going to find something legitimate to discredit the Russia investigation. They would literally have to make something up, and everybody in America with two brain cells to rub together knows this is some banana republic bullshit and doesn't trust a goddamned word Bill Barr has to say about anything.

So as Democratic Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney of New York, a member of the House Intelligence Committee, said last night on Maddow, "BRIIIIIING IT." He did not add FUUUUUUUUUUCK THESE CLOWNS, but we are pretty sure he was thinking it.

We're not scared of the truth. They are.

Never forget that.