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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThe Turds of a Turd, and Other Most Unpleasant News (Ferret/Shower Cap)
Well, I was hoping the turkey leftovers had gone bad, and maybe the gravy had fermented to the point where I was hallucinating all this madness, but then I remembered I had Thanksgiving at a friends place, so I dont have any leftovers, meaning all this shit really happened. Fuck.
(As always, you can get this post, in living color and with helpful gnus links, here: http://showercapblog.com/the-turds-of-a-turd-and-other-most-unpleasant-news/)
Redactor General William Barr has some advice for those uppity Black Lives Matter types: youll take your police brutality and institutional white supremacy, and youll like it! Yes, the most powerful law enforcement official in the country thinks that folks who dont want to be harassed, or assaulted, or even killed by the very officers who are allegedly tasked with protecting them, are disrespectful and ungrateful, and probably undeserving of any police protection at all. Fucking hell. Who else is looking forward to swearing a loyalty oath as a precondition for dialing 911?
Well, Little Donnie Two-Scoops ran crying from the NATO summit in London, after video surfaced of world leaders mocking him for the sad, silly, oaf that he is, only to run face-first into Diamond Joe Bidens merciless ad, which brutally reminds the American people that competence is still an option. Lord, even Boris frickin Johnson is laughing at us, and that clod couldnt find his own dick with a map.
And the House Judiciary Committees impeachment hearings confirmed that President Crotchrots conduct in his Ukraine scheme is indeed 31 flavors of impeachable, on account of being all corrupt n illegal n shit. The GOPs witness engaged in all the predictable partisan hackery, desperately contorting himself to manufacture some standard that condemned Bill Clinton yet exonerated the Candycorn Skidmark, even as journalists unearthed his past writings insisting Obama deserved to be impeached for using the correct forks at a multi-course meal, because such snobbish savvy is clearly unconstitutional. Anyway, the dude also wanted us to know that his dog is mad, and if I were a blithering jackass dog, Id probably be mad, too. Shit on the carpet, Jonathan Turleys Dog, America has your back.
In the midst of the hearing, Stanford professor Pamela Karlan stood up, chanted a satanic prayer, and drove a dagger into the chest of a voodoo doll in the shape of Barron Trump, or least thats what Im hearing from the right wing jagoffosphere. I suppose I should check out the actual footage, to see what Karlan actually said...
...wait, what? Thats it? Really? Yall are wailing and moaning and storming the fucking castle over THAT? What, and Im really asking here, is this pathetic addiction to victimhood consuming the conservative movement these days? Youre like needy children, begging for attention, bawling your eyes out over a lightly-scraped knee. Yknow, setting aside the corruption, the treason, and the plutocracy, I cant imagine voting for such whiny-ass wusses.
And yes, with a detained migrant teen dying from neglect while in detention, and your utter silence on the tragedies inflicted on thousands of other innocent kids separated from their families and locked up in cages by your racist, hate-fueled regime, Im gonna go ahead on call bullshit on your disingenuous WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN screeching.
Getting back to the hearings before I puke all over my shoes...Louie Gohmert, the man who is the reason there are warning labels about using toasters in the bathtub, briefly mocked the idea of obtaining a higher education at an elite institution, before spending the rest of the day trapped in a revolving door.
Louies malignant colleague, Duncan Hunter, got his felonious wrist slapped by the House Ethics Committee, for continuing to vote after pleading guilty to his many crimes. Maybe Duncan can form himself a little Youre Paying Us to Sit in the Back Row and Tell Each Other Racist Jokes Caucus with Steve King. UPDATE: no cruddy study buddy for Steve-O, Duncan is resigning to spend more time with his prison cell.
Matt Gaetz, jealously eyeing Gohmerts Dumbest Man in Congress title, suggested maybe the committee was impeaching the wrong president, before leaving on a Da Vinci Code-esque quest to uncover the real truth about Millard Fillmore, all the shit the deep state fake news liberal media has been hiding from you sheeple. Maybe he can set up a YouTube channel and livestream his own slow death when he locks himself in an Abercrombie & Fitch dressing room.
The Shitmaggot Administration announced new cuts to food stamps, kicking as many as 700,000 Americans off the program, because, and Im not sure how this is still unclear to so many, REPUBLICANS HATE PEOPLE AND ONLY WANT THEM TO SUFFER.
Just announced from Marvel Studios: SUPER-VILLAIN TEAM-UP, starring George Zimmerman and Larry Klayman! Yes, the two worst human beings whove somehow not yet held jobs in the Trump administration are getting together to sue Trayvon Martins family, on the novel legal theory that you should not only be allowed to murder black children whenever you feel like it, but that the victims relatives should finance a life of luxury for you afterwards. If we ever get around to building that giant catapult, to launch Donald Trump in the sun, I have an idea for some test subjects.
So, Nancy Pelosi officially announced the House will indeed be impeaching the motherfucker, prompting a disgraced pervert hack, previously deemed too gross even for Fux Nooz, currently reporting for Sinclair, to suggest she was doing so just cuz she hates Hairplug Himmler personally, probably because she never gets invited to any of the cool parties where Jared Kushner auctions off highly-classified state secrets to the highest bidder. Nancy told the little creep precisely where he could stick that idea, and went back to work, passin historic legislation, because that is simply how she rolls.
Meanwhile Rudy Giuliani continues his Wine, Corruption, & You Wouldnt Happen to Have Any Incest, Wouldja? tour of Ukraine, palling around with the skeeviest crooks in Eastern Europe, probably trying to forge anti-Biden evidence out of Play-Doh and Marmite. With Republicans already testing the feeble defense that it doesnt count as a crime if you dont get away with it, maybe Rudy-Roos plan is to insist you cant impeach 'em if they never stop breaking the law? You must gather all the evidence and you cant possibly have it because Ive got more crimez lined up for Thursday at 2:30 here check my day planner.
Oh, and it turns out Donnie and Rudes have been conducting their blundering, Going-In-Style-only-treasonous international extortion scheme...using unsecured personal cellphones! I dont know what the big deal is. I mean, the knock here is that Russia was probably listening in? So? Kid Kompromat already just passes that info along to Vlad willingly, along with the fruits of our entire intelligence-gathering apparatus, in his weekly report.
Im still waiting to hear some outrage from Information Security Aficionado Trey Gowdy, unless hes still trying to join the team DEFENDING these disloyal fuckwads in their efforts to hide their communications from the American people, and even Sharty McFlys own staff. Gosh, you dont think Gowdy Doodys long public crusade against Hillary Clinton over her e-mail server was motivated by blind partisanship, do you?
Alleged Rational, Moderate, Republican Nikki Haley is mad as heck at Dylann Roof, because of the nine human beings he murdered in an act of white supremacist terror, JUST KIDDING shes upset that he besmirched the honor of the Confederate Flag, which certainly never had anything to do with racism or hate before he came along and ruined it for everybody. Look, libtards, the Confederacy seceded because the mean ol North wanted to keep all the puppies and flowers and sugary breakfast cereals for themselves, thats just science, Dinesh DSouza told me so.
A Saudi national carried out a mass shooting on a Naval base in Pensacola, Florida, killing three, and the Offal in the Oval immediately turned his Twitter platform over to the Saudi government to spread their preferred messaging, and if youre wondering why the President of the United States is quicker to leap at MBS whims than the American peoples needs, well, maybe well get to see those tax returns some day.
The House passed a much-needed restoration of the Voting Rights Act, with just one teeny-tiny Republican vote, because Democracy is a partisan issue now, in Donald Trumps fascism-curious Amerikkka, how fun. Look, if people are allowed to vote, then youve gotta start listening to them and doing the things they want, and when youre a white supremacist hate cult thats primarily in the business of cutting rich peoples taxes, popular input is an obstacle, and so here we are. Yall are registered to vote next year, right?
After weeks of whining about not being allowed to participate in the impeachment process, the Shart House issued a petulant, crayon-scrawled, little note proclaiming that they are refusing to participate in the impeachment process, and, ignoring the shameless hypocrisy, honestly, its the best tactical decision theyve made in months. I mean, theyre guilty as fuck and twice as stupid; the last time they tried defending themselves, Mick Mulvaney confessed to everything live on camera, and the time before that they signed off on an official document that inarguably proves the Manchurian Manchilds guilt, so maybe just taping the boss mouth shut and trusting in the Senate GOPs spinelessness is the right move here.
I guess now we have to talk about the Adderall-Addled Assclowns turds, which are apparently such monstrous wads of under-chewed fast food as to thwart White House plumbing. Obviously, the real trouble here is that Donnie Dotard cant operate the handle with his stunted, ineffectual, phalanges, but apparently hes tasking the entire dang EPA with finding a solution. Anyway, it must be cool, being a Republican Senator, watching this dolt ramble like an over-medicated toddler about his unflushable poo logs, knowing youve lashed your reputation to his forever.
Fuck it, Im done. Im smashing my phone with a sledgehammer and leaving for the weekend. Like the engine of the Starship Enterprise, I cannae take anymore. Stay safe out there, Resisters.
Cha
(297,240 posts)JoeOtterbein
(7,700 posts)Now, I just can't find a strain strong enough!!!!!!
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,620 posts)You have surely more than earned it.
You stay safe too.
lunasun
(21,646 posts)Wonder what the business people he was addressing thought with this and his concern about lightbulbs making him look orange
Hey Trump YOU Are making yourself look orange you idiot
brush
(53,778 posts)CatMor
(6,212 posts)this one gave me many laughs
Mersky
(4,981 posts)Have a good weekend.
irisblue
(32,975 posts)oasis
(49,387 posts)tblue37
(65,357 posts)littlemissmartypants
(22,656 posts)JudyM
(29,248 posts)Trenchant laugh-and-cry observation.
K&R