Biden: Life better than Four Years Ago, But Nothing Tops Summer of '87

http://www.theonion.com/articles/biden-says-life-better-than-it-was-4-years-ago-but,29477/

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CHARLOTTE, NC—Accepting his renomination at the Democratic National Convention on Thursday, Vice President Joe Biden countered recent Republican criticisms by asserting that most Americans were indeed better off than they were four ago, but he acknowledged that life still paled in comparison to that one “killer fucking” summer in 1987.

Dressed in a slightly ripped Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt, Biden tapped the top of an Icehouse tallboy, cracked it open, and then informed the 20,000 people in attendance that while the economy is no longer hemorrhaging jobs as it was in 2008, nothing, “not even that little trip I took to Thailand in ’92,” could ever live up to the unforgettable months of June through August 1987, when “the skirts were short, the brews were cold, and you couldn’t walk 2 feet without stepping into some grade-A tang.”

“Things are definitely better today than back in ’08, but is this the summer of ’87? Not a fucking chance,” said Biden, reminiscing about his “prime seed-spreading days,” when he was a carefree 44-year-old senator cruising the Delaware boardwalks in acid-washed Jordache jeans and his pink Sonny Crockett blazer. “Oh, man, that summer was one hell of a ride. I’d take off the T-tops, pack a cooler full of happy juice, and drive down the strip blasting G N’ R.”

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