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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMerely Mildly Manic Monday: A Slow News Day Lately is Like Drinking Diet Bleach (Ferret/Shower Cap)
Yknow, this might be the shortest, lightest, blog Ive ever written. Since last Fridays update, the usually-ceaseless onslaught of insanity has been refreshingly mild. Its been like being locked in a really upscale asylum for a change, instead of the bleak, 1960s, Shock Corridor kind. The straightjacket is actually comfortable, almost snug, made from a soft cotton blend, why, its almost like being swaddled. And taking in the headlines today is merely like being rapped gently on the forehead by a ponys hooves, rather than the kick square in the temple from an angry horse, like were used to. How soothing.
(You can get this special super-short post, WITH news links, here: http://showercapblog.com/merely-mildly-manic-monday-a-slow-news-day-lately-is-like-drinking-diet-bleach/)
I for one am getting quite sick of white nationalist marches, but it seems white nationalists have an insatiable appetite for marching, and they never ask me for permission, so we had yet another dickless white boy parade last weekend, in Washington, D.C. There were no Tiki Torches this time round, though they did wear masks, giving thanks for the hard-learned lessons taught by their trailblazing predecessors, who lost their fast food/strip mall shoe store jobs so the dirtbags who came after them would not need to. Still, its odd, that theyre so proud of that white skin, yet simultaneously terrified to show it off in public.
Tom Cotton, aka The Senator From the Creepy Gas Station Down the Road From the Haunted House, is planning for the future! Tommy Boy saw all the headlines about that fancy new coronavirus, and with visions of inheriting the largest, pointiest, hat in all of Cult45 dancing in his little pin head, he said to himself, say, now heres an opportunity for some xenophobic fear-mongering! Future Republican presidential primary debates are essentially going to be competitive hate-offs. Why not go full reality TV, in the spirit of the Velveeta Vulgarian himself? Americas Next Top Klansmen, er, Republican Nominee! Who can propose the biggest rollback of voting rights? Who can burn the biggest, brightest, cross? Who can spray paint the most anti-Semitic graffiti in the dead of night, without getting the cops called?
A small group of Republican Senators apparently rallied around a last-minute effort to protect Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman from Shart Garfunkels retaliatory wrath, out of respect for the Purple Heart recipients long and faithful service to the United S-hang on, thats not right. Lemme try this again: A small group of Republican Senators apparently rallied around a last-minute effort to protect mouth-breathing rich boy Gordon Sondland from Shart Garfunkels retaliatory wrath, because hes a deep-pocketed GOP donor. Yeah, I didnt think that was right; in the initial version, it sounds almost like Ron Johnson and Susan Collins have principles, so I knew right away something was off.
If you see Rudy Giuliani screeching into one end of a tin can tied to a string, take comfort in knowing that were you to follow that string all the way to the end, the other tin can lies in the halls of the U.S. Department of Justice! Yes, Redactor General Billy Barr has helpfully set up a special intake process just for Trenchmouth McIncest's batshit anti-Biden conspiracy theories, and let me offer congratulations in advance to all the actual criminals who will now get to elude justice because law enforcement resources were diverted to investigating the voices that talk to Rudy through the fillings in his teeth.
And I see the Shart House rolled out their annual Holy Fuck You Sure Do Hate People budget proposal. A budget is a declaration of values, or some shit, thats the saying, yeah? Well, President Liposuction Clinic Dumpsters values are (still) exactly what we thought they were; to the American people he says Eat Shit and Die But Also Please Gimmie Billions and Billions of Dollars for a Big Stupid Wall as a Monument to My Insatiable, Turd-Spewing, Ego Anyway Seriously Why Havent You Plebs Died Yet? The fact that the lions share of the proposed cuts would fall on the very voters who installed Hairplug Himmler in office in the first place might have provoked a dark chuckle or two, if I werent spending so much time these days vomiting in disgust.
But look, just because hes proposing draconian cuts to the social safety net millions of Americans rely on and love doesnt mean Fat Q*Berts tiny, inadequate, fingers arent comfortably positioned directly atop the pulse of the REAL MURICAN voter! You better look out, Dumbocrats, because while youre bickering about Medicare for All, the opposition is consolidating the vote where it really counts: the pivotal, swingable, Pete Rose Should Be in the MLB Hall of Fame demographic! Look, while Donnie Dotard has abandoned many of the popular positions that helped him get elected, from lowering prescription drug prices to protecting Medicare and Medicaid, hes been phenomenally consistent in his pro-cheating-and-stealing views.
Getting back to the Big Dumb Wall for a second, I see the government is now literally defiling sacred Native American burial sites, because hey, new depths of depravity arent going to just find themselves, yknow. Never have I wanted more to find a kernel of truth in all those old schlock horror films.
Now that Mitt Romney has demonstrated just enough love of country to tearfully proclaim that it was a hard decision for him, but yeah, maybe we should keep the Constitution and do at least some of what it says, his physical safety can no longer be guaranteed at the annual gathering of frothy ragemonsters known as CPAC. Surely MAGA nation would tear him limb from limb, if only because his mere presence would remind them of the last dying embers of their shame, their decency, and their humanity, and who wants that, especially over a weekend where the whole point is to cut loose and disappear into the hate mob?
But yeah, generally a slow news day. I did pop in on Tangerine Idi Amins latest public event long enough to watch him fantasize about expanding the death penalty so he could start stackin up drug dealers corpses; yknow, like in China. President of the greatest nation in the history of the world, and hes still jealous of a petty thug like Rodrigo Duterte. Anyway, let me go on the record as formally against giving Donald Trump additional authority to execute people, and also against any moves towards making American government more China-like generally. These people are not to be trusted anywhere, least of all in the vicinity of slippery slopes.
Ummmm...yeah, that looks like basically it. The Oscars seem to have popped a bunch of veins in Americas most racist foreheads, thats somethin. The Dem primary is sucking up a lot of the air, and thats not really what I do in this blog, so its been kinda light lately. Bear with me, I may need to make some adjustments, in terms of depth or frequency...Ill figure it out.
Meanwhile, we are in the home stretch for the Kickstarter for my very first comic book, The Worth & The Cost (https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/worthcost/the-worth-and-the-cost). It wraps up on Thursday morning, so this is your last chance to get in on it! Youve all been insanely generous so far, and Im beyond grateful for your help in making this very old dream of mine come true. Cant wait to get the book home from the printer and share it with all of ya!
uponit7771
(90,347 posts)DENVERPOPS
(8,838 posts)pardoning Murderous Navy Seals and giving out hero medals to rush limbaugh.......LOL
flying rabbit
(4,636 posts)denbot
(9,900 posts)2naSalit
(86,650 posts)ffr
(22,671 posts)If you see Rudy Giuliani screeching into one end of a tin can tied to a string, take comfort in knowing that were you to follow that string all the way to the end, the other tin can lies in the halls of the U.S. Department of Justice! Yes, Redactor General Billy Barr has helpfully set up a special intake process just for Trenchmouth McIncest's batshit anti-Biden conspiracy theories, and let me offer congratulations in advance to all the actual criminals who will now get to elude justice because law enforcement resources were diverted to investigating the voices that talk to Rudy through the fillings in his teeth.
And I see the Shart House rolled out their annual Holy Fuck You Sure Do Hate People budget proposal. A budget is a declaration of values, or some shit, thats the saying, yeah? Well, President Liposuction Clinic Dumpsters values are (still) exactly what we thought they were; to the American people he says Eat Shit and Die But Also Please Gimmie Billions and Billions of Dollars for a Big Stupid Wall as a Monument to My Insatiable, Turd-Spewing, Ego Anyway Seriously Why Havent You Plebs Died Yet? The fact that the lions share of the proposed cuts would fall on the very voters who installed Hairplug Himmler in office in the first place might have provoked a dark chuckle or two, if I werent spending so much time these days vomiting in disgust.
Gold!
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,642 posts)Mersky
(4,982 posts)Thank you for all that you do.