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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsBroken: The Virginia Potato War - A History
In 2020, the Virginia Potato War began on July 21, when a farmer called in the North Carolina Ragtag Militia to defend his 5-acre potato field against a horde of thieves who were determined to steal his crop. Over seven militia members arrived three days later in their pickup trucks, armed to the teeth with AR-15-style semi-automatic rifles. Plenty of ammo was brought to the scene of the rumored invasion. Tactical gear was in evidence, as well.
The Militia members set up tents and propane grills. They had a cookout the first evening as they arranged for a 24/7 schedule of patrols. Readiness training was conducted daily, followed by refreshments - primarily beer and Cheetos.
On August 1, 2020, a family of tourists from Idaho driving past the potato field had a flat tire and stopped alongside the road to install the spare tire. One of the children in the car called out to the father, saying, "Daddy. Aren't those potatoes?" The father replied, "Damned if they aren't." Then he walked toward the fence to take a closer look. Who knew they grew potatoes in Virginia?
Within a minute, the alarm went up in the Militia camp. "Raiders! Potato Thiefs!" Hundreds of rapid-fire shots rang out from the camp, which was 100 yards away from the parked car. While none of the shots hit anything, the entire family quickly jumped back into the car and drove off, the flat tire notwithstanding. In the nearby town, they stopped at an auto garage and reported what had happened. The shop owner quickly changed their tire and notified the County Sheriff of what had occurred.
The Sheriff dispatched two deputies to the scene at the 5-acre potato farm. The deputies informed the Militia that they were on county property and camping without a permit. They released the militia members with a warning to "Get out of the county and take your guns with you. We don't need this sort of thing here." The brave militia soldiers loaded up their trucks and drove back to North Carolina right away.
And that's how the Virginia Potato War began and ended. There were no casualties, due to the poor marksmanship of the Militia members and the Idaho family had a story to tell to the potato farmers back home.
Wounded Bear
(58,706 posts)MineralMan
(146,329 posts)packman
(16,296 posts)History tells us it was a mashed up affair involving tiny marshmallows.
MineralMan
(146,329 posts)Throck
(2,520 posts)He's got his "tactical gear" on too.
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DBoon
(22,397 posts)I wanna hear about the Bowling Green Massacre again
MineralMan
(146,329 posts)Brother Buzz
(36,463 posts)Alacritous Crier
(3,818 posts)Thanks for the laugh.
MineralMan
(146,329 posts)Yavin4
(35,445 posts)Although others dispute the association.
MineralMan
(146,329 posts)superpatriotman
(6,252 posts)I hope this correspondence finds you well. Did your mother ever finish watching Tiger King?
The regiment has been encamped lo these past few weeks in protection of several farms thusly raided by rodent-faced hordes of Maryland-based infidels.
Your packages of nude selfies, protein bars and Tik Tok videos have kept my spirits light in an otherwise bleak time. The boys in camp find them pleasing, too.
I hope to see you and the children again by autumn, Ive only one pair of underwear and would be most appreciative of the inclusion of a new pair when you are able to Amazon me at the front.
General Kushner has sounded the call and I must leave you for now. Potatoes wont protect themselves!
Regards, etc.