Calling out lies when they are being spewed is being a decent human being.

I admit it's not easy. Butif we aren't doing it, we need to learn. If I may say so, we need to "human up" to it.

its NOT my problem with what I am going to say next. My rule is simple, if you don;t want to hear my opinion than shut the fuck up with yours

confronted with it.

Maybe she'll stop and think about what she is.

She needs some food for thought.

and is as relevant now as ever.

Best wishes.

Once Trump is outta there

She married a man from south Georgia and they ended up in metro Atlanta. She made a point of buying her little farm in a part of town and in a school district that was minority white. Their children, and their children's children have so much more openness and freedom when it comes to choosing friends, life companions - building a life.

On the flip side my brother married into a family of nutty evangelical fundies. He ended up raising his kids in an area that doesn't tolerate "them" very well. Doesn't matter which "them". Sometimes that family is even painful for my brother to watch... they just can't open up - well, a few exceptions in the current generation.

Hopefully each generation does better than the last. The movement that way is pretty slow but it's organic and lasting. In the meantime, the law has to step in a limit bad behavior.

in for drinks? I seem to have been left behind, still sheltering in place, as are my neighbors.

Hubby and I haven't been "out" to dinner since early March, and probably won't in the near future. No sporting events, no movies, no parties, and no "out for drinks with the neighbors." I'm so glad to live in a state with a Dem governor and a very liberal local government.

but I and most of my neighbors are still staying at home. That may change at any time, of course. Them, not me. I’m happy staying home with the cat.

trump, why would she hate him if she's a racist?
Unless, trump isn't racist ENOUGH for her?

keep the peace with her other friend who she has known a long time. It’s just so odd because she complains about how all of her friends, (not me) are Trumpsters.

NICE

I’m also the one with power tools and the skill to use them.

I did not know that was a thing.

Unless the invite was to come over and specifically to watch something together. Which would be understandable on something like Election Night or other big event of major public interest. This doesn't sound like that kind of situation.

You also were a guest in her home.

Did she send the same text to the other guest?

staying the night. That person told me that blacks have more testosterone.

Oh, I didn't know you were an endocrinologist! Where did you get your degree?

When people start spouting bullshit about the pandemic, I say: Oh, I didn't know I'm in the presence of an epidemiologist!


KY.......

It could be one of the reasons prostate cancer is higher among black men than other races. Which was the one of the reasons for the study. I learned of this some time ago in a health presentation.

And as a man, I would certainly prefer a higher level than a LOW level!

Not standing up to our friends, is how racist ideas became resistant to change.

You get a couple chances and then you are ostracized. Don’t validate their bullshit.

I replied that maybe inviting me over to hang with her friend hadn’t been such a good idea. She said that what I did wasn’t appropriate in any circle and that she was really upset.

testosterone, that the police brutality wasn’t that wide spread, and, for the win, that a local teacher who posted “bet they don’t burn down the food stamp office” must be ok because she had won an award the year before.

You have to nominate yourself and you're either chosen by the administrators (so they choose the best ass kisser) or you're chosen by the students, who generally choose the teacher who was the nicest to them, not the one who challenged them and taught them the most.

Of course, Teacher of the Year probably doesn't realize that while POC may get a disproportionate amount of SNAP help, in sheer numbers, white people still get more.

again.

They're such a bunch of snowflakes. "Waa, Waa, you hurt our pheewings."

Good for you, those people need their noses rubbed in this stuff when they start spewing it.

Clearly the neighbor was more fearful of alienating the other guest than you. Which speaks well for you, I guess, but I hope upon further reflection she considers that her houseguest could have been more circumspect.

Keep the pressure on. I’m old but will give up my last breath if needed to call them out for what they are.

I've got neighbors that constantly spout that crap. I usually just say "no, that's not true" and stop to see if they want to discuss/defend the crap. They rarely do. On a few occasions I've been able to point them to web sites that correct their information. Mostly you get a "well, it seemed right" kinda crapola answer.

(don't we all like to think we are wonderful human beings?) I am eternally grateful for the people who called me on my shit, and I changed attitude 180 degrees in those moments.

You did the right thing. I’m with you on calling out this crap. We have been too nice for way too long. Those people certainly have no problem spewing their crap whenever they want- so we should have no problem standing up to them!!

I wouldn't fret about it. You were right; she was wrong. Think about how you would feel had you NOT said anything and given them a pass. Probably not very good.

Just askin...?

We talk over the fence maskless, but I would not go in anyone’s home without a mask, and I would feel incredibly uncomfortable doing so. I am still planning on following the guidelines, though I know many here are not.

People we know actually a customer, I have done a lot of work for. His wife gets along well with mine and we were there for dinner, he went of on a tangent on black people I called him out he got embarrassed and then defensive. I looked at my wife she gave me the nod so I said we are leaving. Not the first time I have dropped a customer for being an idiot.

I’ve called people out on racist statements but regret not pushing back even harder. You did exactly the right thing and I’m glad you’re standing firm. Hurting a racist’s feelings is a good thing because maybe it will lead them to serious self-reflection. Maybe not, and in that case, let them stew in their own vile, racist poison rather than allow them to spread it around. That shit is evil.

Turning away is all we can do sometimes.

Sometimes I speak up, depending on the importance of the person, and sometimes I stay quiet.

Years ago we went next door to visit the neighbors for a drink, and invariably we got onto politics. The wife said something about "that queer". I interrupted her and told her my youngest brother was gay. That stopped her in her tracks, and she never said anything like that again, although they do make subtle racial references.

Another time we were at a family barbeque, and one of the guests was talking about "there was a colored guy" in front of him on line somewhere. I let it go, figuring I'd never see him again - not worth getting into it.

They are in the wrong and instead of getting their feelings hurt, they should have had self reflection.

If your friend thinks so lightly of your friendship, she lost out on a good learning moment.

Up until about the age of 40 it had to be pretty awful before I'd speak up.

I remember once in the grocery - back in the day when people wrote checks - I was with a black woman and went through first. I wrote a check and the cashier didn't even ask for ID. Next came my friend, and the cashier held the check up to the light, turned it over, asked for ID, ultimately decided she had to call the bank to verify funds... it was outrageous and I was not the only one who busted the cashier's chops.

Somewhere around 40 I was fairly self sufficient financially, and stopped holding my tongue. If I see or hear it, I have something to say about it. I don't go looking for it, but every so often it pops up. Not often. I am as polite as possible, but wrong is wrong. There is family who stopped speaking to me years ago because *I* was rude at a family reunion where one of them was running her face. The reality is she was shamed, and should be. Now she lack to guts to face me.

People are entitled to their opinions, but not their own facts. Racism, sexism... all those isms... are based on damn lies. There's no way to justify it.

It's responsible to let them quietly know that you disagree with and can't even tacitly accept some of the things said and will therefore leave. And then to leave. That's taking a position.

But that your neighbor made the mistake of inviting you into her home is not an excuse to stay and abuse her hospitality. If you didn't realize your acting out would change nothing except to make sure the mistake wouldn't be repeated and you'd never have another chance to influence either, maybe you do now?

in front of my husband or me, we will call them out no matter where we are.

until they wonder if they should leave to get away from you, right?

Btw, we also speak out -- briefly -- and that has almost always put a stop to it. Only one time did we leave a house party early when it didn't stop -- but not because they had to call the police to remove us -- and that was the last time we saw those people.

Our usual method, which has seldom needed to be invoked, is to merely indicate the conversation has strayed over the line of what we can accept, and if more was needed to firmly request the subject be changed, and changing the subject ourselves.

People of our era ALWAYS know exactly what's considered objectionable and don't need any explanation at all. I'll never forget one group of guys out on a dimly lit back porch who startled me by scattering at my carefully gentle interjection like a bunch of cockroaches with a light come on to expose them; one literally panicked and leaped over the rail. Fortunately the lawn wasn't far below. (That was in California, where no respectable person is racist. )

But I'm wondering if the record of others for actually changing racist minds is any better than ours? Is trying to shame them and arguing them into the ground worth the energy invested? Should we try harder?

As for leaving, my husband will not leave until we have had dessert. I think they still invite us because they think we are just two old senile coots.

talking fishing or dirt biking.

she knew my views and voiced agreement. She brought up what was going on in Seattle as it was on the news which was what she was watching when I got there. We had talked about it the day before and I had sent her a link about what was going on there, ie peaceful protest not anarchy. I was really surprised when she started making racist statements as they were 180 from conversations we had had previously. It did catch me off guard and if she had said them before I wouldn’t have been there to begin with. However, I’m curious how calling out racism is abusing someone’s hospitality?

more than once but next-to-last time was long ago now. That house party we left? The couple who invited us for the weekend had been friends for over a decade, always acted moderately conservative but appropriately tolerant for people who'd lived their lives in an international, extremely diverse world. With two strongly conservative, and openly bigoted couples, though, they got brave and their masks came off, and OMG. The one thing I remember is her bragging of seeing, while in a maternity ward, that a young Hispanic woman who didn't speak English was going to be sterilized without knowing what was happening -- and approving. True? Don't know. Didn't matter.

The last time was a woman I didn't know well but who agreed cheerfully with the rest of us on a group road trip. Then when she and I got back into town and she was among her tribe, me alone with them, that 180 pivot to hostile RW dogma.

This is long recognized and studied behavior. Psychologists say people like them are timid and hide their beliefs on their own but get brave and aggressive in packs. People like us may get aggressive, but numbers aren't what decides. We're fine taking them on all by ourselves, can't even imagine the cowardly, false faces.

I applaud you on your courage. You absolutely did the right thing. Silence implies agreement.

People need to change and we have to be the change.

Good for you!

silence equals agreement as far as I am concerned

Good on you for calling them out. It took guts and character, something your neighbors could use.

with the truth.

You are completely correct here.