beyond anyone's choice or control. Some days when I feel this way, I think well at least that makes
death look not so bad........at least a woman could get some REST!!!

I exploded this afternoon because my son and husband have been freaking out (over very real and very unfair issues
regarding their health and their employment)...and have felt squeezed to death trying to assist them with both the
emotional and the financial ramifications (using my head only; I have no friggin job or income now myself).
The problem is, it has been non-stop, from my son all day and my husband all night and all weekend, incredibly
high stress, and my husband gets all needy and wants me to do an extra zillion things for him that he should be
doing himself. After the two of them put me through the wringer, I need time to calm down and just vegetate, try
to get happy / optimistic / relaxed for my own health and sanity...by the time I do, it starts all over again.

I already went through 20 years of raising two children on my own, one with Bipolar disorder, having to work two
jobs or one horrible management job for 70 hours a week, for two f'g decades, just to end up with the grand achievement
at age 48 of making it all the way up to a zero asset balance (versus negative).

Now the tanked economy is crashing the do-over I began at age 48; husband will die of the chronic kidney disease he was
just diagnosed with; he can't retire early we can't afford it but looks like he will have to do so anyway.....my son is freaking because
there have been three murders on his block in just a few weeks; his neighborhood isn't safe but he is stuck there; I worry about my baby. I worry will we be homeless in a very short time; will we have health care or will my husband die due to lack of it.........

At least with death, there will be peace.
Yep, feel that way many days.
I used to say inside myself, Stop the world I want to get off. Now I'm too down to care if it spins or not. Seems irrelevant.

There are many of us in the same boat. It's way better than being in the boat alone. Bless you.

It does help.

I will hold you in my thoughts...

and I will hold you in my heart...
DBH

Just hearing a sympathetic word really means a lot right now.
I did get a bit of space today to recover, thank goodness.

you are relevant, worthy and NEEDED but you are severely depressed - please try to find some counseling.........hang in there, and rely on DU to vent - someone is ALWAYS here for you

I have considered it. But I've been to counselling before, and the problem is that it doesn't actually resolve
any of the pending issues, and takes time away from working on trying to make things better.

If I get to my wit's end...and I was close a few weeks ago, I will go........as long as we still have our health
insurance.

They are online as well.

Trust me on this. Just do it.

Here's where I go. They are a great bunch and quite frankly kept me from full on insanity. https://www.thefamilycaregiver.org/

before but didn't come up with anything; I was looking for specific CKD sites that time.

I made a lot of excuses too. Too tired not enough time etc. Then one day someone at work said it was gorgeous weather all week and I realized I hadn't noticed.

Which has slowly led me to the point of my post here about how everyone needs a hand hold at some point in life. Reach out you won't regret it.

you need someone to listen; please do it soon......let me tell you, my dad killed himself; it has been 27 years yet I can never remember him without feeling despair over how he died. Please get help.

I have a newborn grand-daughter and a 2 year old grandson, and 2 adult children.
Those little babies keep me going and give me a smile.
And I wouldn't want to leave them the burden.........

I have been depressed to the point of suicide ideation once before in my life, but did seek help and discovered quite quickly I had a severe Vitamin D deficiency and realized (mid-winter) I was getting zero sunlight, working in a place where windows were more like portholes, and the walls a dull grey cinderblock in all the rooms. Diet and a change of workplace cured it quite well.
So I know what it feels like to go there, and I don't want to ever go back. I just get very, very tired. That is why the OP struck a chord.

What had really torn me up just before I posted the previous post was that a best friend of my husband and myself had called me a night or two before and ripped into me for one hour before I said "This conversation is over," and hung up. She was yelling things at me, saying I had no right to cry, couldn't I see how that was unfair to my husband for me to cry? She said "You aren't sick and dying; he is. How do you think he feels? Don't you see how he feels, how depressed he is?" And other crazy statements were made as well. OMG. She said repeatedly that she doesn't think I see how my husband feels, while every afternoon,all evening and all weekend long I about kill myself to try to distract him, cheer him up, and help him get through the nightmare that his workplace has become. i watch him scratch at his skin all over at night (because his blood isn't being cleaned by his defective kidneys), i know what that means and I try to distract both of us rather than cry. Sooner or later, though, it catches up with you. I have read enough on the internet to know that caregivers are often treated this way by people who have no clue what actually goes on day-to-day, so I'm over it now. I just had to accept that her support will help my husband, and I must just keep quiet myself and get no support myself there.

You see, my husband is trying to grapple with monitoring his dangerous health condition, to emotionally grapple with the very real concept of his own death, and on top of that, is facing a harassment nightmare every day at work, and the horrible realization that perhaps he will also be denied the dignity of retiring with a sense of achievement, and with the ability to continue to pay for both a home and for health care... something that would have been possible with just three more years of working until retirement. He is facing loss of health, life, of the retirement he deserves, and of even a home to sit in for his final years and suffering, to just watch tv with the woman who loves him devotedly. The loss of dignity in retirement after almost 30 years of service (while also facing perhaps an imminent death) is .... well, I hope not a nail in the coffin, literally..... But it is definitely depriving him of having any daily joy in what years he has left.

My husband is a school teacher, and after almost 30 years of service, the political situation in his district has created a nightmare. It began with furloughs: between Aug 2009 and Aug 2012, about 55% of teaching jobs were cut. Most of those jobs were lost to charter schools, one large one which does worse on the state tests than the public schools. The school board refused to renew that school's charter this year, but the school is appealing, despite their bad test results AND the hideous misuse of public funds that were revealed in reviewing their charter. But, hey, they are making a nice profit, so isnt' that success ?

We spent the first five months of 2012 not knowing if the next paycheck would be there because of funding issues (thank you Governor Corbett!) ; in the middle of this nightmare, my husband got his CKD diagnosis.

And now it seems the district is determined to make as many of the remaining teachers (almost all with 10 or more years of service) as soon as possible quit or retire, not with a sense of satisfaction, life accomplishment, and pride for all of their service, and with appreciation from the school district for that, but with a sense of defeat and disgrace and shame. The district's new policies are proving to be an effective means of forcing teachers out of their jobs, because their health is suffering (see some details below). So, if you have to kill a teacher, or leave the teacher incapacitated from a stroke for the rest of there lives, so what? At least you will save half their pay, yeah! Mission Accomplished! And, like many inner city schools, this district with a huge population of ESL, ES, MR, and other learning-disabled students, has not met AYP. So, someone needs to be fired. No one really cares who, because the 'who' won't make much difference, but bodies need to be swinging from trees, the blood-letting must occur, and then, Mission Accomplished??? NOT. While the students continue to have absolutely no accountability for their own test results. None. Sometimes they just doodle all over them; they find it entertaining to upset the teachers.

(There IS consolation in that everywhere we go in town, people run up to my husband with delight and thank him for changing their lives...no kidding, this happens all the time everywhere. And on our living room table is his Annie Sullivan Award for teacher of the year (1993). He has always taught students with learning and emotional challenges).

One of the schools new strategies is that there is no in-school suspension or holding area where violent, disruptive students can be placed. Emotional support students who aren't on meds are literally screaming and fighting and attacking teachers in classrooms all the time on a daily basis, in both regular classrooms, and in special education self-contained classes. The district will not file any charges against students, either; the teacher must do so independently and without district support. The teacher must be the one to pick up the phone and dial 911. In this manner, the violent student will then 'blame' only the teacher (and not the school) for the consequences the student might suffer through police and court actions. And I guess it saves the district money, too.

My husband has one of those students, who will threaten to kill himself, other students, other students' entire families, teachers, the principal, everyone; he curses profanely and makes lewd sexual comments very loudly...all this for like an hour an more on end, take a pause, and then start again. He assaulted my husband when my husband tried to prevent him from attacking another student (who is a very quiet, sweet loving MR kid). The violent student is still in the classroom doing this type of stuff almost every day. The other students are subjected not only to disruption of their education, but also being harassed and bullied. This is far from the only classroom where this stuff is going on. This student is not the only student in need of direct support and services who is being left in a classroom and who does this stuff almost daily.

There have been a few, rare cases where a student was removed from the classroom, but get this procedure: the teacher must stop and immediately spend about 10 minutes doing an on-line office referral for the student, or the student will not be removed...if you keep the student in class with you, you can not write the referral any later than 2:55 pm the same day...BUT...teachers MUST be teaching 100% of the time; if you check your email while students are taking a test or doing work, or if you attempt to jot down a note for tomorrow's class during this time, or do anything other than interacting with the students, you are written up and given an unsatisfactory evaluation. Yes, this has actually happened. There are ZERO breaks in a teacher's day once classes have started, except 45 minutes twice a week when the students go to Art, Music, or PE; the daily 'planning period' is before the students arrive, and the students do not leave until after the 2:55 cut off time. So unless a student acts out on one of the two days in a 6 day cycle where the students will go to a 'specials' class, and unless that student acts up BEFORE the specials (impossible in my husband's class, as specials are first period), then you will not have an opportunity to do a referral without students in your classsroom. If you are doing an office referral, then you are not "teaching 100% of the time," and you will be given an unsatisfactory evaluation. If you do NOT write the student up, then you are given an unsatisfactory evaluation for poor classroom management, because the class is 'out of control'.

If you think that policy for violent students is not quite helpful to students, teachers, learning, or public safety, well, just imagine how the district deals with blatant disrespect. A student comes to school angry because his crack-head Dad was having a fit the night before, or angry because he wanted to stay home and play the video games he had been playing every night until 2 am. He gets ticked off when given work to do, and says "FU" to the teacher. The teacher's only option is to call the parent...which must be done immediately (and I do believe that is 'immediately', before the end of class). If the parent is subsequently unable to control their child's behavior, then the teacher is written up for an unsatisfactory performance due to classroom management issues. The administration does absolutely nothing. The other students see that you can say FU to a teacher, and if the student doesn't care about his parent's response, then there is no consequence, except the 'admiration' of some of the other students, and some of the other students' will follow his lead.

Other nice policies include that teachers are forbidden to sit down at any time that students are in the classroom. If you sit down, you are written up. After reading how violent students are handled under the school (non)disciplinary policy, I will leave it to your imagination all the ways that paperwork requirements are being finagled to make life impossible. Suffice it to say that I am also a certified (though unemployed) teacher, and I have spent 10 hours a week of my time doing paperwork stuff for my husband (non-confidential type of stuff), while he has spent three hours every single evening trying to conform to their lesson plan requirements and other stuff thrown his way, plus he works at least 8-12 hours every weekend trying to keep up with all of it. As regards lesson plan requirements, one great social studies teacher decided the night before 9/11 to do a special 9/11 history class the next day. Since his orginal lesson plans were for another topic, he was written up for not following his lesson plans. Was their teaching going on, learning going on, student engagement? What, is that type of stuff supposed to matter???????????

On top of this, my husband teaches 11 students classified as MR. Eight of them MUST pass the state tests in April. They read at a 4th grade level currently. If they don't pass, you know who will get the heat.......... yet with 7 years more of schooling (not 7 months) there isn't much chance they would pass the PSSA's. (F*$# YOU CORBETT FOR NOT ASKING FOR A WAIVER!!! I hope the money you and your buddies earn from your charter school investments send you straight to where you belong one day!) And certainly how is this to be accomplished with one student screaming at the top of his lungs for hours a day? Well, you see, of course my husband is the issue there, too. His 'classroom management' is a problem. He is a 'failure' because he cannot control the student who needs medication. Really, that is the determination, in writing.

It just staggers the mind that a person who is medically determined to be MR must pass a state test for his biological age level or my husband is a failure. The stupidity is so profound....no, the malevolence in this procedure is just evil.........

The result of the new policies enacted by this district can be seen with just the most recent weeks' changes in staffing:
In one school alone, in one week, 10% of the teaching staff --5 teachers---left: 2 walked out, said here are the keys; 3 went on long-term medical disability (harassment does unkind things to blood pressure.) A sixth teacher, age 38, collapsed in the classroom and had to be carried out in an ambulance and spent a week in the hospital; the final medical determination was stress. He is THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD. He was one of those teachers all the students absolutely loved; it was very difficult to be the teacher for his kids the following year; no one could live up to the expectations he created in these students . He clearly loved his job and the students. Now, he is literally being taken out of the school in an ambulance.

In another school of similar size this week, one teacher retired quite suddenly, announcing Wednesday that Friday was his late day, earlier than he planned to retire, because his blood pressure readings have reached dangerous levels. Another teacher took Short term disability thru February.

There have been more in the 6 weeks school has been open; I can't remember them all.

The union in this district has been very well disabled between the furloughs and all the rest of the stuff going on.

How is my husband supposed to handle being attacked on all fronts at once? Even an attack that would destroy not only what remains of his future life, but would cast aspersions upon what he has done for almot 30 years? He not only taught LD and ES students during his regular day, he has worked at the County Detention Center for young kids (once removing a student from the noose in which he had hung himself), worked with Tough Love, and (with his former wife) took in 24 foster children over the years, many from the Tough Love program. Some of these students were with him through regular school in special ed classes, then with him in Tough Love, and then with him in his own home. Yep, this is a guy who never cared, who never made a difference, who should be tossed out within inches of a barely manageable retirement, who should understand that he is a terrible teacher, and that the failure of the school system rests on his shoulders. He should hang his head in shame.

It is a good thing that I am not an atheist. It is a good thing that I have always valued above all else the love of family,
and don't care so much about having nice things and toys that I would crumble.

We personally need Obama to win, the Dems to keep the Senate and the House to go Democratic....just for our own personal
need to see that there is justice and hope.

but you need time for YOURSELF... and as others have said, look for online support groups.

I am being dead serious here.

Also you may need to find counseling, even if you feel it does not help...

If he has to leave his job because of his health he should apply. It's a long process though, I just got approved last week at a hearing after two years. Hang in there.

Sooner or later, we will be. I called SSDI just to check out a few things for the future,
and they told me that approval is rather quick for CKD (chronic kidney disease)....
after you go on dialysis. We are getting close to that point. I actually mentioned two
years because that's what I read on the internet about SSDI wait times. He said
it is faster with CKD..easy to show disability, and can get on Medicare then too.
Just might not have a place to live, LOL.

Just reflecting from my 62nd birthday. You only get one shot to do what is best for you.

Is there any chance that there's a light at the end of the tunnel? When you retire, at least you won't be working so many hours that you're making less than minimum wage; of course, you may not really welcome having the extra time to spend at home, but maybe volunteering or doing something with activities that the parks and recreation distract has to offer would get you out of the house and around some nice people.

I'm sorry about your husband. I have a family member whose husband was just like that and I know from talking to her (which I was only able to do after he died, because that's how sabotaging and jealous and selfish a schmuck he was) that it was very, very, very, very, very, very hard to live with him. I hope things get better somehow. In fact, I'll second what another poster wrote and suggest that if it's at all financially possible, leave him. Another family member (gee, I seem to have a complicated family) was in the same situation, with a husband whose health issues made him almost an invalid so she felt she couldn't leave him, but even though he was dependent on her he was horribly emotionally abusive to her. She just had to get out, to give herself a chance at a life. Your husband didn't choose his health problems but he is apparently choosing to be a schmuck. He shouldn't be allowed to ruin your life.

Whatever happens, I hope very much for the best for you.

So, could you just cut as far back with what you have and leave? Have you figured what you might live on is feasible? Can you just find a small place (rent) and go?

It may save the only thing you have left, which you must love (and we do)... you...

{{{hug}}}

and am also tired. We worked hard, held up our end of the "bargain". I feel sorry for my grandchildren- they will have to fight the same battles my grandfathers generation fought.

--that our grandchildren will fight the same battles...that we are fighting the same battles as our parents. Everything that is gained is swept away again by greed and corruption. We cannot seem to build a better future. Instead we just try to hang on. That is where they want us to be. Those who control the situation.

It's so crystal clear now--surely everybody with any intelligence sees it. We are fighting for our lives, fighting for things that should be a given in a democratic society such as health care. Make no mistake--they do want one party rule, they do want total control. They even resent people having too much food (while they dine on caviar). Are we going to let them have it? No, we fight. But it is exhausting.

Rec

It sounds as if you're in a contest trying to make it through another day, right? And to say we are not alone goes just so far. You have showed so much strength and stamina over the years, but in that process you've more than earned some happiness or at least contentment and PEACE. I hope you find a way to make that happen for yourself...you probably already know how. Now it's just a matter of implementing it.

I agree.

SmileyRose, I admire you for even thinking of sticking with somebody who essentially lied to get you to marry him. To me, the only realistic question is: can you survive financially without him? I think "for better or for worse" is a beautiful promise, but your husband broke his marriage vows before the ceremony, by not being honest with you about who he really is.

Here is my thinking: he is an unhappy person and he will be an unhappy person whether you stay with him or leave. (No happy person is mean. Ergo, he is not a happy person.) Your staying will not improve his life--he's probably not going to change (unless you threaten to leave and it scares the poo out of him... and even then, he might not change after all) and it clearly isn't doing your life any favors.

He is CHOOSING to be a nasty person. I sympathize with him, truly, for whatever it was in his past or in his brain chemistry that is making him unkind to you. However, that something is not going to magically improve by your staying with him, and it probably isn't going to get any worse if you leave, if he's that bad already. If nothing else it'll give him something to blame his unhappiness on, but you'll be out of there, so it's not your problem, and it might even cheer him up a little.

You can feel empathy and compassion for him from afar--and I think that would be a nice thing to do--while being happier without him. I would certainly never advocate leaving someone simply because his health issues made him a burden, but your husband has a choice about how to behave, and he is choosing badly.

On the other hand, it is a very real fact in this often difficult world that financial realities can make staying together the most rational choice, and I support you 100% (for whatever that's worth) if you can't leave for economic reasons. A roof over your head is a really, really big deal.

If a future of being on your own economically is just too difficult to take on--and again, I totally get that--I hope you can find some small spot in your home that is just your own. If you have a spare room, call it a sewing room or study or reading room and just go in there and be yourself. A room of one's own is a pearl beyond price. Maybe it could help you cope with your difficult situation.

But to echo crazyhomelessguy--your husband has made choices about how to behave. I hope you can find a way to, as he said, live for yourself.

you are not alone and you do still care or you would not be talking to us - stay in the game; we will not let the bastards win

Once your husband showed his true colors, you owed him nothing.

Second, it seems that a lot of people are heavily invested in being ill. They get their identity from that. What's with that? How about choosing to identify with being healthy? Now there's an idea.

Here's something else. Do not tolerate a job that winds up paying you less than minimum, especially given that minimum wage is below poverty level. There really are other jobs out there. But too many of us have been brainwashed into thinking there simply isn't anything.

Or, and this is what REALLY makes me crazy, the idea that not a single person over the age of 50 has been able to find employment in the last few years.

Guess what? I'm 64, and I've been able to find work. After staying home for 25 years raising two children. They're not great jobs. They're not career positions. But I can survive.

Yes, it sucks totally that our economy is the way it is, what with the entire mortgage debacle, the bail-out of the banks, the incredible disparity of wealth, and the total trashing of the working class by people like Romney and Ryan who have never really worked a day in their lives.

Oh, and when the recent tape of Ryan talking about those whose income is from the government, I only want to ask, "What company did you say you worked for?" There's a man who has been sucking at the government teat his entire working life.

And quite honestly, remember the advice columnist who always said you need to ask yourself, are you better off with him or without him?

Keep looking up.....

K&R

any other Kathy Bates movie

we can NEVER get ahead....always treading water...or losing ground, but you HAVE to do something that makes you happy now. I know easy for me to say.....but you've got to fight another day. We're all in this together....some more then others, but you just have to survive and to do that take a little time for yourself. AND MAKE SURE YOU KEEP IN TOUCH HERE AT DU.

I'm just another anyomous poster here on DU, but your OP made me want to help you somehow. I hope these words will in someway.

First, you are not a "cold hearted bitch" to leave someone who is in ill health and is abusive. You are a human being, an individual and your well being in life is up to you and you alone. Truly, even if you are with a loving supportive partner, even they can't say what is right and good for you.

Just as your husband has made his choices on how to live, you too have to make those same choices in regard to yourself. Only you can make those decisions - and you must for no one else can or will. I've learned that in the long run, no one can take better care of you than you. That it is not only true, but it is a duty one has to oneself....be as kind and loving to you as you would to a child, an animal, a good neighbor, a friend, a parent, a lover.....you need to be all those things to yourself and more. It is called self love, and it is how we survive. How well we love ourselves, depends on 'well' we will survive.

Don't think for one moment you can't finacially survive by yourself, since you are physically able to still work. Think outside the box - examine all your needs and explore all options. Have a plan and execute it. Each day new opportunities that you never knew existed will come to you. The universe abhors a vacuum and will fill in all the necessary holes.

Think of yourself as if you were your own child. Would you want your child to be in your situation, and what would you suggest or council them to do?

One more thought.....if you continue to live in a life that seems hell to you, you will eventually become ill. Probably sooner than later. Who then will take care of you?

Sending good thoughts to you via our "karmic universe",

Caretha

I don't have a partner, but I try to look out for my kids. I'm 58 yo and I work paycheck to paycheck, tip to tip as a waitress. I have Hep C and high blood pressure and recently got busted for two marijuana seedlings and I'm waiting to see when they will indict me for that felony. Now I don't even have smoke to give me an occasional giggle. I find it hard to care about anything.

The only positive thing that has happened is I finally got okayed for VA health care.
Although, it hasn't kicked in yet.

Yes I'm tired and deep down hope the Mayans were right.

Go and LIVE. You only get so much time here, and I don't have to tell you how fast the years are moving by. Save some of it for yourself.

You're not alone.

There are too many of us in the same sinking boat. I just try to take it one day st a time.

I work in an office that's mostly women, and there are a fair number in their 50s. Nearly all are dissatisfied with their relationships. Most have some health issues. Most are living on their credit cards, or cracking open their 401(k)s to pay for a kid's dental work or some such...

And my friends across the country are not doing better than we are.

When my eyelids snap open every morning (at 5:00 a.m.), I try to find a reason to get out of bed that doesn't involve an overdue bill.

I'm fucking tired.

It's down right depressing to hear of so many women with terrible unhappy lives.
Bless you all! Sending you healing love. As someone above said...love yourself. If you don't...who will? Be good to yourselves. Take a walk in the woods and spend some time just thinking and relaxing and maybe you'll find your way.

my own children. All I have in my life are my 2 cats that's about it. I get very lonely, actually depressed mostly. Sometimes I wish I had some turmoil or drama to spice things up. Maybe in some ways I don't have it as bad as I thought I did.

They could actually become years of hell.

It sickens me to see the glut of wealth for the hedge fund managers that stole our collective pensions.

To rub salt in the wound, we have a pension thief that just won a Presidential debate.


There will come a time when we all rise up and just say "fuck it"

We are of the Bob Dylan era and Dylan once sang; "When you ain't got nothin, you got nothin to lose."

Watch out for an army of grey haired, pissed off people with nothing to lose.

It is going to get very ugly. When your days are numbered, when there isn't much more to live for, you just might put up one last "I don't give a fuck what happens to me" fight. We invented mass protest. We invented collective disobedience.

The world just may see a a variety of pepper sprayed old folks. It is the image the entire world needs to see. Time to tarnish the American "image" because it has already been tarnished from within at the hands of the greedy plutocrats.

Time to reveal the evil that has pulled the coup on our American way of life. Time to show the world and the history books what America now stands for.

That is why the time to raise hell is now.

Obama, Biden, and congressional Democrats campaigned on defending the 99 percent. It is time to demand they live up to that promise. We must demand that they not betray all of us by turning around and attacking Social Security with a chained CPI, raised eligibility age, or increase in the taxable portion of benefits.

Write, call, confront, spread the word, raise bloody hell.

Do not let them slide cuts through quietly.

Demand specific promises. Demand representation.

If anything threatens that - change it.

Who ever knew life would be so difficult?

Do what you need to take care of yourself and don't pay any attention to anyone who says you shouldn't. Friend/family or enemy. You are also not doing your husband any favors by continuing on in a very unhappy and unhealthy relationship.Sometimes you can never completely get your good mental health back.

I'm saying this as someone who has worked in the mental health field and in hospice care for 15 years.Can you get your husband (and you) some counseling? Both of you should go in order for it to work. There should be a local mental health organization that charges on a sliding scale in your area. If he refuses to go, I would give him a serious ultimatum. By the way, if you need to move out and get a roommate think about it!

Feel free to PM me if you'd like. Same for anyone else....

And if this guy is abusive... I know it is hard, but...

As a man I see this two ways. First you call him a damn jackass, a sabotaging jealous selfish schmuck and one of those fuckers that's all one way before the ring goes on. Damn I love a spirited woman.
Second you say you can't make it on my own income. So that means to me you need someone to help you to survive.
I think from what I have read you would not need anyone to help you survive. On your own I think you would kick ass and take names. Maybe you are just held back by staying with him. I know that's not a nice thing to say but you and I are about the same age and the way I figure it there is not a lot of time left to be happy.
Next time it's really nice out do like I do and take a mental health day off and do something for yourself fuck it.

always

I was wondering why she was going to fight to get Obama reelected, then I saw the date of the OP.

Nice of you to think of her.

I feel for you, it not easy.
No advise really, just want you to know I understand.