...converted to Judaism and became quite the zealot. Men, according to her, must never masturbate or receive oral sex as it is a waste of seed. One should have as many babies as possible as each baby is an absolute blessing.

Meh.

... because he spilled his seed upon the ground.

Wait.... didn't Dorothy Parker also have a bird named Onan.....

.... life began at ovulation...

And every normal man, for we have committed a combined mass genocide so great that it would deem Hitler a worthy saint.

and I've been married for 20 yrs. My first child is about to start college, but I could have had 19 more right behind her. Wait... how would I afford that?

That is a stretch by the religious; the story doesn't teach anything close to that.

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2205/what-exactly-was-the-sin-of-onan

Bill Hicks