I worked with a woman whose son killed himself with a gun.

Hearing her tell us about it brought home how punishing that act can be.

We all hear about people who kill themselves so their families can get their insurance money, or people who do it because they are so sad, they cannot imagine being alive another second, or for terminally ill people who want dignity in death.....but

there is often an intense anger and a need to inflict pain on the ones left behind.

My former co-worker's son was that kind of suicide.

He was 19, and had dropped out of college..... He got decent grades, but was not interested in college and only went a semester or two before coming back home & getting a regular job.. I don't know where he worked, but he got a raise there and was not a troublemaker at work.

He was angry at his Mother & Dad because they wanted him to save some money and to get his own car, since he had a job & they were not charging rent. He thought they should buy him a car, or co-sign a loan.. That's what started it.

It's odd, because most families probably have fights all the time with almost-grown kids who act like kids, but want to be treated like adults.

Probably most of the time the kid gets mad enough to just move out, or may save & buy their own car.

My co-worker's son became resentful, angry and stole from them. They told him he had to move out. He said he would start looking, and said he would pay them back (He used his Mom's debit card)

A few weeks later, his mother came home from work and found him dead on the kitchen floor (they had recently re-done their kitchen, and he chose that spot because she loved her new kitchen.

He shot & killed his mother's elderly cat and put the body on the kitchen counter, so she would see the cat first as she came in from the garage.

He carefully placed the calendar on the table with a big X across that day's date. The notation was for dinner out that night at his favorite restaurant.. a date they had planned for a while.. It was his birthday. He left no note. he was their only child.

Their family had no divorce/alcohol/poverty/abuse/family violence. The kid did not take drugs, or have any apparent mental illness issues. He seemed like any other kid trying to find themselves. He had a few friends, and dated, but he got focused on his parent's refusal to provide him with a car, and their pressure on him to "grow up". There was no gun in the house & they don't know when or how he got the gun. It was a stolen gun, and no one claimed to have been the one to give it to him.

It was fortunate for the family that he did not also kill them, but he did kill their "family".