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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums'Right To Live Life In Complete, Stunned Horror,' Added To Constitution
WASHINGTONIn the wake of yesterdays gruesome mass shooting that claimed the lives of 27 people, including 20 schoolchildren, the United States ratified a new constitutional amendment this afternoon guaranteeing American citizens the right to live life in a perpetual state of abject horror. The provisions of the 28th Amendment will fully protect the right of all individuals to spend every waking moment utterly terrified at the thought of a deranged stranger with a semiautomatic combat rifle gunning them down, said House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), explaining that the measure also permits Americans to suffer panic attacks anytime their loved ones go to work, school, malls, or virtually any other public location. In addition, the new amendment prevents the government from ever infringing on a citizens inalienable right to lie awake at night visualizing the images of crying children being ushered out of a school and wondering where it could happen next. The new amendment comes on the heels of numerous other proposed changes to U.S. law, including a highly contested bill that would protect the right of Americans to ignore a widespread, deadly problem until it is far too late.
The Onion knocks it out of the park again, two days in a row http://www.theonion.com/articles/right-to-live-life-in-complete-stunned-horror-adde,30749/
"The new amendment comes on the heels of numerous other proposed changes to U.S. law, including a highly contested bill that would protect the right of Americans to ignore a widespread, deadly problem until it is far too late."
teddy51
(3,491 posts)anneboleyn
(5,611 posts)The articles have honestly given me new respect for The Onion, which I have always enjoyed (for the humor) and considered whip-smart, but the two articles you noted in your post are truly a step up. An indictment of this country's inability to recognize/confront its own violence.