old gun. My husband was on the phone to his grandmother making plans to go to FL and make money for the summer, hang out, and they had plans to go off to college together... Inseperable... Another "friend" tagged along, and they didn't even want him around that day... Bullet wizzes past his head, and into the head of his friend.

He was such a mess for such a long time.. Survivor's guilt and all that. His friend was super smart and planned on being a lawyer. It was like he didn't feel like he was worth while or was the one who should have survived. It took me a long time to crack him out of this. It took me a while to even know what happened in detail. He had been harshly judged over the happenstance for a long time by the community as a whole. During certain times of the year, he gets really withdrawn from people who love him (and it used to be the times he did destructive stuff - like turn to people and things that weren't his friends).

One day, I had enough of him blaming himself over something he didn't do at all... OR that he was less worthy of having a life. I asked him, "would your best friend want you to live your life like this? Like you were worthless and shouldn't live your life?" It finally clicked. But that was nearly 4 yrs after I had met him and lived thru his "self-destructive" moments. And time and family has healed the loss, but he will never forget the sound, smells, or the way his friend looked. It was a small hole in his head, and he kept trying to get the blood from coming out.. trying to "wipe away" the damage like it would make his friend whole again. The one who shot the gun (that was thought unloaded and an antique) ended up in county detention (who knows what became of him?)

Guns kill. That's what they are designed for. My brother in law is in the army. 1 tour in Iraq and another in Afghanistan (both he realized were pointless, but the paychecks pay for the family in a shitty economy). He doesn't keep weapons at the house around his 2 step-sons and 1 son. And even though he is from TX, he's never been a big gun nut (even though military runs in the family). My son thought for the longest time he should be in the military.. I told him only if he were to finish college and then still thought he must do it, he would have a couple more wits about himself and enter as an officer... However, I think I've ended the idea of it being something he should do. He's incredibly sensitive about death. Still cries about a dog I can't believe he even remembers because we had to put her down when he was 3 yrs old... And his Uncle and I explained to him, that when you hold a gun in a war: Its kill or be killed! How could he take someone else's life? They don't get back up like in a video game; its not a nurf gun or water gun.. its real and ugly. Now, he wants to be a fireman. The kid wants to give me a heart attack I swear. LOL. Now, I worry about him going to school and some FL nut deciding to go out in a reign of suicidal glory.