It is, for me, a good Christmas - but I have no gifts

I am up at this hour because of extreme neck pain, and have to work in the morning (albeit I work from home, so easier than most have it).

I missed many Christmas days with my boys - not even knowing if they were alive or not (my x basically took off with them for a spell until she died).

I have one daughter who does not even know I am her dad, and I watch her grow up via Facebook. My X and I broke up in 2008 after she had a series of major meltdowns due to severe depression and parkinson's, etc. and the Christmases I got to spend with my last child were forever ripped away.

Last thanksgiving I found out that a friend I had been trying to contact had been murdered in a home invasion. In 2004 after finally seeing some dreams come true (good job, wife, child, etc) my mom died, went into the hospital Christmas eve and died new years' eve.

I am in a situation right this minute that, to be truthful, is terrible for me personally.....

***BUT****

I am not a parent waking up tomorrow who lost a child in a school shooting and trying to make Christmas something special and happy for their other kids.

When I wake up in the morning I will be working - thankful I have a job with a decent company. So many don't.

My baby girl is at her mom's house tonight and enjoying a good Christmas (they opened some things tonight). She is not sick in a hospital where I and her mom need to sign in to see her (I did a small stint as a computer geek at a Children's hospital).

I have nothing to give tomorrow morning. Last paycheck was for part time work and that went to my X to help her out. The hours I work this week will pay off and will let my baby girl spend some money on things she wants. I will wake up yelling at my alarm clock and cursing the customers who call me Christmas morning needing tech support for their new devices.

But I will smile and laugh, I will help them with a joy in my voice because I will be happy for them, and happy for me that this one day a year people come together and celebrate life/love/joy --- I wish that people were this happy, this loving, every damned day of the year and this caring.

Be good to each other. Show some kindness and love. Go and watch It's a Wonderful life or Oh God (with George Burns) and such.

Compared to many I have it made. I am not in a tent as a refugee. No one is bombing my home. I will call my daughter tomorrow and know she is alive and happy. I will call my son and hear how the grandkids had a decent Christmas and he is not in Iraq anymore.

I will have the best Christmas ever because those I love and care about are happy.

And that is not something you can buy and put under a tree.

Thank you "Santa" for giving me what you have this year. Love, hope, dreams, and a few good friends - and the knowledge that when I wake up those I most love and care about will be ok.