... a-fucking-men.

Love and concern aren't shown by shaming and denigrating someone. Ever.

Ever been to a playground. And here is a post filled with the milk of human kindness. http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=2325878

30 yrs and I've seen quite a few people who hate "fat people". Not discounting your experience, but just because you haven't seen it...

I've met many.

And several studies have shown fat people are less likely to be hired, less likely to be promoted, are paid less, receive less affection and attention from parents and teachers, etc.

It's not just about "hate". There's a large spectrum between being treated like a normal person and being actively hated and harrassed and many points along it are quite harmful. It's very common for people to look straight through you or act like you don't exist when you're fat and that's nearly as bad as being called names or lectured.

invisible is insanely painful

That's why the Chris Christie jokes are especially painful to the obese observer. He has been perhaps one of the most vile people politically. His CV is rife with opportunity to direct our liberal hatred, yet still to most people his defining, most retching characteristic is his obesity.

I've also been asked if I really need whatever it is I'm eating, shouldn't I get more exercise, and I've known people who assume that fat people are mentally challenged....I swear that I thought one guy from the US was going to faint because I spoke English and knew the equipment. Irritated the hell out of me.

Heinous prejudice. People are ignorant and mean under the guise of being helpful.

That book, Fat is a Feminist Issue, was right on.

There is medical evidence that does directly relate to obesity being a main contributing factor for disease(s) that can and do lead to early death. I guess defining "early death" is the hard part, because how are any of us to say what our "timely" death will be except what the actuary tables say. But in objective terms, the extra weight does contribute to inflamation in the body which leads to complications which are the precursers for debilitating diseases that are generally avoidable or controllable otherwise without the extra weight.

For instance, an aunt of mine just died a couple weeks ago due to complications from diabetes which was a direct result of her obesity. She was almost 10 years younger than her sisters who have been a thin/normal weight their whole lives. So in those terms, my aunt's death could be considered "early" since she has two surviving sisters who are 10 years and 18 (or so) years older than she was, neither of whom has been obese.

I do get your bigger point, though. There are certainly many hostile and a crappy things people say about overweight individuals, and they are very real when they are happening to you so I'm sure you are not imagining anything.

I've recently lost 40 pounds and returned to a more svelte figure that I was used to for most of my life. I can't believe the difference in how people treat me from compared to when I was heavier even in the simplest of ways. People open doors for me, cars stop more and wait for me to cross in front of them, people smile at me more and notice me more. The difference could also be me to a certain extent because I felt almost invisible when I was heavier, and I guess I acted that way, too. Anyway, everyone's journey with their weight is a personal one, and we each have our own motivations. I agree with you that health seems to be the PC way to address someone elses weight (as if it's their business), but I wouldn't say that it's done just for shaming purposes.

You have to experience it for yourself. Telling someone they should do such and such because of this or that does not work. It has to be something someone wants to do for themselves. If they decide to do it, they will do it because they want to do it and they will seek out the help they need. They don't need people evangelizing to them. If you know someone who has decided to lose weight and asks you for help I say go for it, but evangelizing to people who don't want it does not work and it even hurts just like people evangelizing religion hurts. And your comments about how people treat you proves the OPs point. People should be kind to one another no matter someone's size, color, age, etc.... But the opposite is true. People treat people who are overweight unkindly. That is what the OP is talking about and that is what should change.

Any quick path to weight-loss is seen as "cheating" because losing weight is not about health in our society. It's about virtue.

If a pill came out tomorrow that made everyone overnight normal weight, there are people who would try to block it because that's not the "right way to do it". Unless you're exerting will power and fighting through pain then you don't deserve to lose weight and hence be treated like a "normal" human being.

Some people simply cannot lose weight because of medications they are on or other metabolic reasons or life circumstances. Judging them as "lazy" or "weak" or "greedy pigs" or lecturing them about "all you have to do is eat right and exercise" is shockingly cruel but rarely called out as such.

Done in dogs that show entirely different gene expression in overweight littermates compared to ideal weight littermates. It becomes almost impossible for the overweight dogs to lose the extra pounds without them feeling deprived. Owners have a very difficult time, because in a laboratory setting, restricted diets work, but at home, the dog will drive them crazy with begging.

So it's not just about self control. It's not just about calories in and calories out. It's about rewiring your gene expression. There's a new weight loss food for dogs that has amazing potential as it actually changes that expression back to that of an ideal weight animal. If they can duplicate the synergistic effects in a supplement for humans.... (personally, the kibble doesn't look too appetising)

I believe you're absolutely right about that.

To see examples of that kind of thinking, see any thread posted by someone who has quit smoking by switching to e-cigs. You'd expect people to be pleased when anyone stops smoking. And, most people who respond to such a post will be happy for the person, and offer encouragement and congratulations. There are always some, however, who have to come in and give the person a hard time, saying snarky shit like, "so when are you going to quit?", or remind the ex-smoker that they're still addicted (as if they don't know that), or tell them that "cold turkey is the only way", and so on. It's obvious that it pisses them off when a smoker can quit without suffering.

We'd see exactly the same kind of reaction from those types if someone invented an easy and painless way to lose weight.

Just a few weeks ago, I was at a coffee shop and saw a young man hold the door open for a thin pretty young woman. Just like a real gentleman.

RIGHT BEHIND HER was a fat, frumpy looking woman of about the same age, and the guy let the door slam in her face.

I thought the OP was ruminating about a recent set of personal experiences and trying to come to terms with them and promoting miscellaneous comments or observations.

But, yes, it's not ideal or helpful to lecture people about their weight; however, the context is important. if Dr.'s are telling you have a problem, to me that's something that should be taken seriously. My point was that my aunt never took the doctor's advise, and she paid the ultimate price. Now, if some petty people are just trying to one-up you by putting you down, that's something we all have to grapple with and they won['t stop at your weight if they are that unkind. Those are definitely people to avoid at all costs.

You hit a nail on the head.

I live here in Los Angeles, land of the "beautiful people", and finally I am happy to say that the psychological, cruel abuse directed at children and adults because of their weight is finally being called out for hate that it is.

Your OP is spot on the mark.

As a kid, I was the skinniest one in every grade. As an adult into my thirties, I was 6'2" and weighed only 129 pounds! With hair to my shoulders, I looked like a broomstick. Thankfully, my metabolism slowed and I hefted up. I love my acquired weight.

Being picked on, singled out whether one is big or small is just shitty. I hate it.

And yes, I can always spot the jackass (male or female) who uses "health concerns" to hurt other people's feelings. People that are over-weight (whatever that means) are already aware of it because they are reminded of it every day of their lives and don't need anyone's "concern" voiced to them than their physician. A real "friend" would never go there.

Who use religion to permit themselves the joy of cruelty. Ugh. Yecch.

I've been a bit chunky from time to time and even that trivial thing attracted cruelty on occasion. The self loathing sticks around.

But what I've witnessed a couple of obese girlfriends have to endure was awful. When it happend as kids, I was also a bully target so we were both cowed into silence. (That long ago friend showed up on FB. Turns out she works for Exxon and is a member of the Thank You George W Bush FB club!!!! Yecch.)

was when she told me if I'd lose a few pounds I'd really have a knock-out body. (That was last year...mind you, I'll be 67 this Saturday. So, maybe she was "trying" to give me a compliment.) Then she added that she just wanted me to be healthy. She told me that good friends can say those kinds of things to each other. Well, no, they can't. Not to me.

So, I've been noticing ever since then that she really does seem to have a prejudice against people of weight. She's a cute 5 foot 2 eyes of blue type of gal who has never had to worry about weight. So she has no idea...

Yes, I'm over-weight...I know that...I see myself everyday...But if I have to live every day of my life feeling deprived of a basic need, of being hungry every minute of the day, of not enjoying the foods that I like, of exercising to the point of exhaustion, then living longer doesn't seem like the right choice for me. It's not like I'll be able to look back after I die and say, "Wow, I should have starved myself so I could live longer. Bummer."

Until someone has experienced eating a full dinner and being hungry again in half an hour, they don't know how difficult controlling one's hunger is. To me, it'd be the same as telling me I'm breathing too much oxygen and to reduce my intake. It just ain't gonna happen.

People seem to have to find someone else to feel superior to and this is just another prejudice. If the worst thing I do in my life is carry extra pounds, I'd say I've done alright.

Yes, I wish I were born to be thin, but I wasn't. Maybe next time. And wealthy...I'd like to be wealthy too.

many people die of wasting diseases so it seems that being somewhat over weight going in would be an advantage.

You sound like a wonderful person. I too am overweight and completely understand the feeling hungry again soon after eating. Some people will come on here and say well if you just do this, if you just do that. Well how about if they just try and use a little more compassion instead of saying well if you just do this then. That would be a welcome change. And I too feel if the worst thing I do in life is carry a little extra weight then I haven't done too bad.

I used to be underweight ( most of my adult life) and recently am a bit over normal but feel huge. But I am also aware that I am finally allowing myself to slow down, eat a bit more and enjoy life by resting a bit more. As i have aged I am sleeping fewer hours and this also adds to one's weight. It actually feels really good and I agree that the picking on the overweight is really just people being mean .

I actually remember who Winky Dink was. I had the plastic film and crayons used on the tv screen when I was a kid. And yes, that was a looooooooong time ago.

thank you so very much

Stay away from people who steal your joy.

LOVE IT!

I noticed that if for example, a fat person has a bad knee, it's because of their weight. If a thin person has a bad knee, it's something else. So I wonder how much of the alleged health issues are simple attribution of anything wrong with fat people to their weight.

I ate a lot less healthy when I was thin, too. Some of it is down to just age.

And often overlooked.

I am overweight and not ashamed of it. I don't care how many people try to make me feel bad about it. And you are completely right. People mask hatred with concern. My dad was concerned I was going to burn in hell because I was not a Christian so he tried to convert me endless number of times. It never worked. And no amount of shaming will make me lose weight either.

This comes up with regularity, and a lot of posters get in a bit of trouble by being flippant or mean.

The finger will be on the alert button and looking for any excuse.

I think, however, that my warning was fair.

Rarely are people concerned about the health of people that aren't overweight. Yet, people of normal weights can have: cancer, diabetes, liver disease, celiac disease, joint problems, heart conditions, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, insomnia (which can lead to a host of other problems), lung disease, and be skinny fat which is worse than being fat-fat.

But, when someone is a normal weight people just assume they are healthy. Unless the normal weight person brings up their health issues, no one is concerned. But, if someone is overweight it is just assumed that they will have many of the health issues mentioned above and then some.

Being overweight is often a symptom of other problems. I think it's better to go after and treat the real underlying problems than to attack a person for being obese. If they have high blood pressure treat that, if diabetic treat that, heart disease, etc... Going on a diet that is healthier doesn't usually hurt anyone no matter what their weight is. There is nothing wrong with limiting highly processed foods and getting a bit of exercise. I am very overweight myself. I have recently (little over a year ago) stopped eating meat. Most my health issues besides my weight are under way better control. Despite the fact of going meatless I still haven't lost a significant amount of weight, but I do feel a whole lot better.

I might never lose enough weight to be considered a normal weight, but as long as I am healthy I really don't see it as an issue. I won't be losing weight just because a lot of people think I am an eyesore. I really don't care how "concerned" they are about my health.

nt

to comment on another person's weight.

After I had back surgery which came right after two other surgeries, I went into a a hypermetabolic state that caused me to lose a lot of weight. I wasn't starving myself I just started losing weight and lost a total of 40 pounds in about 4 - 6 months. The doctor started getting concerned when I dropped to 88 pounds.

You wouldn't believe the cruel statements people made, often total strangers - "OMG, you are so skinny" "you look anorexic" "blah blah blah". Yes, thanks for noticing and kiss my butt.

It physically and emotionally hurt to be that skinny - there was no cushioning on my bones and it wasn't fun. It took over a year to gain 10 pounds.

Now, I could stand to lose 10 pounds but that's another story.

People who are "concern freaks" need to learn what's appropriate and inappropriate to say to someone else. I find it isn't usually concern but meanness or arrogance.

Hi,
Thanks for this thoughtful post. I think all of your points are very valid, and I have fallen into that trap before myself and am dealing with my own self-realized prejudice in regard to this. I recall a post a while ago about thin people and the same thing, like someone saying "Eat a cheeseburger", which I am ashamed to admit that I had used that phrase in the past.

Peace

All you need is love....

I'm REALLY worried about their health. They're 57 & 58 years old, both on high blood pressure meds and they eat and drink whatever they want. Once in a blue moon, I try gentle hints ("The weather is great! A walk around the neighborhood sounds like a great idea!&quot . I question whether I'm doing or saying enough because I don't want to lose them.

On the other hand, my sister is overweight and I'm not worried about her health. She's not happy about her weight, but she's young, active, and it's not a health issue right now.