then 'Toilet Hugging with Jesus'. Call the album 'Gettin' Drunk with Jesus'.

Smoke dope with Jesus.

Get stoned with Jesus.

LSD with Jesus?

Tada! A pound of icky sticky goodness.
It kinda beats the "fishes and loaves" story...

Bong Hits With Jesus ( I can almost hear John Prine singing it himself)

. . . or water; one or the other.

I heard he knew a few.

He probably wouldn't get invited on Fox & Friends though.

Check out this video on YouTube:

He can surely come up with a couple of beers!

I don't know if I'd 'close down the club' with Jesus . . . but if we were having a good time, I'd consider it.

Who's picking up the tab?

There's not that many safe establishments for a long-haired man who wears sandals and a dress. This is not an indictment of him or his wardrobe, but if we go to a more friendly place, I'll have to walk further to get home. And that's assuming the bartender doesn't assume he's a homeless street preacher and throw his out immediately.

What could we talk about? I speak neither Aramaic nor Hebrew (although I can cuss in Yiddish fairly fluently).

Assuming he could speak English, what would we talk about? Same old stories, that's what.
"Did you hear about the time I TOTALLY resurrected that one dude?"
"Yes, Jesus, about a million times."
"Well I'm gonna tell it anyway, 'cause maybe not everyone has heard it before. Okay, there was this dude named Lazarus. Not the demon-possessed Lazarus, but another dude with the same name..."

Does he have his green card? Is he even allowed to be in this country legally? Could I get arrested for harboring an illegal alien? Is that arrest warrant for him in Rome still valid?

He turned water into wine, not beer. That means we'd have to pay for the beer, and I've read the Bible: that guy never paid for jack squat (hence Judas's dalliance with a 20-silvers-an-hour side job), which means I'd get stuck with the tab. I would consider tipping in shekels, though.

Oh, I'd like to buy the Lord a smoothie
Down at the local gym
We'd drink them then go bench press
He'd spot me, and I would spot him

THAT'S as good as any country music song these days. Where's my fuckin' CMA?

TlalocW

shit!

I mean sure, Jesus could be an "I love you man!" drunk. Hugging folks and curing their illnesses.

But what if Jesus is an angry drunk?

Pillars of fire? Bowling ball sized Hail? A Mini-rapture?

Sounds kind of risky.

Nt

So he can ask them why, if they claim to love him so much, they ignore every single thing he had to say.

Or maybe she would be the Last Temptation of Christ

"If I weave around at night
And the police think I'm tight
They'll never find my bottle
Though they ask;

Plastic Jesus shelters me
For His head comes off you see
He's hollow an I use Him
As a flask."

Or it very well could have just been a bearded man; or a dog...

The details are still very hazy at this point.

And revealing. They are working the younger blue collar crowd.