I've been around a long time. Very long. Got banned around sept 2005, around hurricane Katrina. I defended those that were Mississippi, and other states that were affected. A lot were our own in those states. I was just defending them, and got banned, for not worrying about NOLA, I was worried About the others involved. They needed help too!

I've been here since 2002, was very active in August 2005, and cannot recall a single instance where any animosity was thrown towards anyone because they were concerned about MS over NOLA.

Negative thing I posted. I was confound to the lounge.

do you mind telling what your screen name was before ?

GreenEyedPookie

From 2003. Why ask why?

What you're going through, is a hard way to go. Keep the faith. When you are well, and you are still a republican, that's your prerogative. I am democrat and I'm here to stay! Get Well! Stay Well!

I do adore his friend. He was a democrat, until his son fucked everything up for him. I maybe registered republican, however I vote with my heart, and a lot are democratic.

Hey, if you voted for Jacob Javitz back in the day (or Lincoln Chaffee more recently), that would be understandable. But, there's NO repug in office today that's worth a shit...

Stated. I vote with my heart. I vote what I believe for. I'm changing my affiliation for the next election. I love my family, who all believe republican. Even my husband. However my father got the surgery he needed. Medicare had to pay for it. The VA would rather see him die, than take money from the government that hurt him!!! It was friendly fire that disabled him!!! Still has USA metal in his lung, that he laid there, dying, in a ditch, until saved. Still has metal in his leg. A shard was taken out 8 yrs ago. Caused a goose egg sized tumor in his leg. Needs a brace to walk.

My mother has copd. Cannot help much. I live just next door to them. My sisters don't care, at all. They have their own fucked up lives. Both abused and kids abused too. No wonder they want to live here.

I'm sorry, went off my soap box.

Sorry

To you, and to me, alcohol is poison. I hope you can get guidance away from it before something terrible happens.

I hope you find peace and joy in the love of your family.

N/t

Your family will miss you if you end up drinking yourself to death. No one will care that you were a registered republican.

I've tried three times. The first time, the hospital had to tie me down. I did get out of it. Chewed myself out. I couldn't walk. A complete involent. However I survived. This past detox was bad. I was imagining things. Like people in the house, and someone hiding alcohol from me. My husband had to hold me down in bed. Not fun for him.
I love him. I love my kids, however I'm not the best for them. I know it will hurt them. It will, greatly. I'd rather die in his arms, than in a hospital full of people that don't given a fuck!!
He knows my feelings and accepts it. As long I'm around family that loves me, is the greatest exit.

... with more than one person I love.

The pain is indescribable.

I won't go into details out of respect for the ones I love.

But trust me, the pain is nothing I would ever want to put anyone through.

And it never goes away. . . .

Tied down and raving in the hospital, hallucinations, delirium tremors... We all believed she would be dead before long because we simply could not see another possibility for her.

After a childhood and young adult-hood taking care of her i finally decided to try something different. I found a study that was dealing with bi-polar conditions. Prior Psych treatments kept resulting in Drs prescribing her anti-depressants which would only cause her to go into destructive manias.

The night before the appt. i had to hold her hand the entire night because she had a tendency to disappear when i would finally sleep. The next morning she drank while we got ready to leave. She was quite drunk when we walked into the clinic where they were doing the study. She left that day with medication and started taking it. That was the last week she drank for over 5 years. This was her first significant spell of sober in over 20 years.

After that 5 years passed she would have an occasional "off the wagon" moment but was always fairly successful at picking herself back up again and the previous pattern of drink, recover, drink was replaced by drink, recover, long spell of sobriety.

We have now reached a place where she is able to avoid the relapses most of the time. She can tell when she is becoming agitated or feeling the desire to drink and seeks help.

Death is not the only escape. There have been countless times, like the births of my children and times when i was ill, where i felt such gratitude that my mom was still here with me.

I wish you healing and peace and love.

and switched to nicorrette. That was the only way I could quit because I was so hard core.

I'm glad I didn't have a love of booze, or I would've had that addiction, too.

No chance for rehab, I guess?

Remember that whole agonizing lead up to the Iraq war. I've also voted Republican, though not for a lot of years, since I live in a Republican area and most local offices don't even have a Democratic challenger. I tend to vote a straight ticket these days, which means I don't vote for every office.

But what I most identify with is that I've had a problem with alcohol, too. I've gone years without drinking, but then my world fell apart and I couldn't stop. I tried on my own, but I couldn't do it for long. That's when I turned to AA.

I know that there's all kinds of criticism of AA here because of the Higher Power concept. That was a real problem for me, since I'd describe myself as a liberal atheist. But I surrendered to the fact that I was powerless over alcohol and started going to meetings and taking suggestions. And AA taught me how not to drink.

The basic concept that worked for me was knowing that I only have to not drink today. If I decide to tomorrow, that's always an option. But I know that I can just make it through today without a drink. I've gotten a lot more "tools" from AA, but that's what let me start putting sober time together. Assuming I make it until next month, I'll have four years sober.

Since I'm a liberal, I accept that different beliefs work for different people, more power to them. Nobody that I've met is judgmental. I just put one foot in front of another One Day at a Time and life is much better. I actually have fun, these days.

I promise you that if I can do it, you can, too. Let us know how you are. I've met lots of people who have been in your place. You're not alone in this. I've been there and I care...

Because there is hope for everyone. One of the most common things I hear is that people were "drinking to die." But they were able to put the drink down when they learned how from others who'd been there. It's said that "to keep it, you have to give it away." That's why I do service and reach out to anyone new, just like people reached out to me. I couldn't have done it on my own, but "it works if you work it." And it has for me. *knock on wood*

I remember the welcome I received here, as well, from newyawker99 and God_bush_n_cheney, among others. And I don't think I would have survived the 2004 election without DU. I've made friends here and I try to pay it forward...

I thank you for your reply. I've been in both aa/al anon. I've come from a very complex string of things that's led me this way. Yes, I want to quit. Yes, I love my family. Yes, I want grand babies. I want it all! My parents have fucked my mind up!! I thought I was getting straight until they pulled their shit! For almost 4 yrs, I've had to pick up the pieces of my father, and my daughter (her bio dad isn't there) for 4 yrs, while my mother ran off to her Internet boyfriend time and time again, taking my fathers money, and her dead mothers inheritance, and blowing it away.
The dude only wandered her for the money. Now, she has none, and can't get any of it, so the bitch stays with my dad. I despise her! I don't wish her dead, however wish her not here. The pain she has caused to y daughter and my father, I do not forgive. However I'll hold to my fathers wishes. I'll see that she's taken care of, if he dies before her

And I hear that a lot. Many people start out saying they need to get sober for their parents/child/spouse. But what I've learned is that AA is a "selfish program." You have to decide that you have to do it for yourself. Only after doing it for yourself can you be there for other people.

The group that really made a difference for me was a women's group. That's where I learned the most and found the most support - and a sponsor. There are numerous women there with over 20 years, but they keep coming back because that's what keeps them sober. And we are able to share things that we probably couldn't with anyone else. Women understand.

I hope that you can find that kind of support for yourself, though it appears that you already have it on DU. Another thing I've learned is that DUers are the kindest, most compassionate people in the world. I keep coming back here, too, have for over 10 years, since DU keeps me grounded, too, and has become my home.

We all have obligations, wishes and pressures, but you need to take care of yourself first. Only then can you be there for other people, including family. I think you already know that concept, but you have to want it. I did, which is the reason I'm still here today. It does get better. I have seen the miracle happen and I wish that so much for you...

something about your behavior---the drinking.

I did it 31 years ago after many futile attempts.

Get to meetings.

.

I can read that in your post. If you have insurance, please go to a recovery center. Please. If not please go to one meeting. My 16 y/o daughter has been sober for 2 years yesterday. If a child can do it, so can you. If you don't make it out of addiction, at least your babies will know you tried.

Sorry if this is lecturey. Been thinking about recovery a lot on this anniversary. Best wishes and love,
E

I've read a lot of your posts.

I'm trying to quit. Take all my pills like I'm supposed to. The demon still gets me. I've had debit card, keys to vehicles taken away. No way to get it, however, I still find a way. Hubby has me now. Watches "find my iPhone" and tells him where I'm at. I could be a bitch and turn my locator off, however I don't. I let him know where I'm at, and don't lie.
He knows my problem, and is trying to help me. Just doesnt want me to be miserable.

and to this day I still have no idea why. Never trash talked anyone or knowingly broke any rules. Just not my style. But for some reason I was banned. Hang in there and best of luck to you. Remember its never too late to get that monkey off your back.

The feeling babe!!

I can tell from your post that you're a good person, there must be many who love you deeply, who care for you and would have a hole ripped in their heart if you left them.

Life is always difficult, for some of us more than for others - it's a roll of the dice, to some degree. And things are particularly difficult now for so many - these are tough times. Please, please consider working with those who love you, and with those who have wisdom about your troubles, to move things in a better direction. Nothing happens overnight, but things can get better one day at a time.

Peace to you, and good fortune.

You seem to be on a direct path to serenity and your heart is open to all possibilities.
Thank you for sharing and bless you.

give it at least a couple more, huh? grandbabies - focus, there are lots of people here and in life that will help. try again

Kali!! Much love to you. I'm trying!!

your family. if it is at all of any use, know that I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers. and, as others have said, hoping you can get well, and stay well. your family needs you, and so do we.

Good that you have found this haven of caring people.

Sounds like AA every day might help clear your mind and body so your beloveds do not have to carry on without you. Easy to say, but SO difficult to do,

I do not care if you return to being a Republican -- I DO care that you find the help that leads to peace and well-being.

Like you have done here. I know it may sound silly, but keep talking.

Best wishes to you, you are not alone.

1-800-784-2433

http://www.newmexicoaa.org/

And your local health department will have a lot more local options. Again, take care.

~ pinto

I quit drinking.

A couple of things I learned.

I am not 6' 2" (just 5'7&quot

I am not the best looking man in the room. (Just your average long term smoker-heavy drinker-heavy drug user face, with a few scars and a lot of gray hair now)

I am not the smartest guy in the room. (ask me anything back then and I had the answer. If you were smarter than me, fuck you! How dare anyone correct me! Especially in public)

I knew, for a fact back then, that every girl I met wanted to have sex with me. (It was pointed out to me, by a group of men I knew, that some men wanted to have sex with me too. That was a shock to my psych, narrow minded views. Basically homophobic back then)

I was afraid things would not get better if I quit drinking. To much shit from the past to try to overcome. (A dude told me that if I quit drinking, my life will not get better, however, it's going to be a lot more fucking different than anything I have ever known)

I know some folks who have quit drinking. I have met people who quit, then start again and lead normal lives. I met some nice people who did not have to die because of drinking or drug abuse, but decided, fuck it, nobody understands me. (I have tried two out of three of those approaches. I like the middle.)

I cannot make another person like me, no matter what I do. (Kinda sucks when I found out there are some people in this world who will not acknowledge my existence, no matter what I look like, talk like, think like, spend like, save like, walk like, smell like, ad infinitum. (It hurts sometimes, but life sucks and that's the way it is)

I cannot make another human being do what I want them to do without their consent. (I have tried, believe me I have tried. Guns work best I hear, however I find that being polite and suggestive only, leaves a smaller mark on my own skin)

There is much more bullshit I could say, but another thing I have learned is that most people don't care.

Good luck with your drinking. May it bring you joy, happiness, and many years of blissful living.

If not...

I think you know the answer, sorry~

I've been there, and I finally realized that none of us are even guaranteed tomorrow. So now I take it one day at a time. Be careful, and remember that you are loved.

Loving Grace to you, too.

Who have replied to me and giving me loving words of support and encouragement. I'm working on getting better. I hope to be sober soon.

I was the last person to see one of them alive though in a coma.

I can only imagine the pain your husband must be going through. Your children as well.

It's a horrible way to die, yet "because it makes you happy" your husband lets you continue...?

My mother also died of liver cancer and she said the most horrific thing about it was the hallucinations from ammonia in her brain as the liver failed.

this post makes me equally sad and angry.

Having 27 years sober myself I know there's is literally nothing anyone can do for you if you don't want to change. Don't quit for your husband or your children because you will inevitably fail. Quit for yourself.

and sooner or later you will master this.

Don't give up. Find meetings. It sounds as though you are surrounded by people who love you - lean on that. Lean on us. Get help. Try again.