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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsCNN Quits Breaking News, Becomes “CNN Classic” breaking tale from Andy Borowitz
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)In a sweeping format change that marks the end of an era for the nations first cable news outlet, CNN announced today that it would no longer air breaking news and would instead re-run news stories of the past that we know we got right.
The rebranded network, to début nationwide on Monday, will be called CNN Classic.
Breaking news is hard, said the newly installed CNN chief, Jeff Zucker. You have to talk to sources, make sure their stories check out O.K., and then get on the air and not say anything stupid. I, for one, am thrilled to be getting out of that horrible business.
CNN Classic will begin its broadcast day on Monday, Mr. Zucker said, with round-the-clock coverage of Operation Desert Storm.
Mr. Zucker did not indicate what impact the new format would have on such CNN stars as Wolf Blitzer, saying only, I cant promise that Wolf will be a part of CNNs future, but he will continue to be a big part of our past.
The CNN chief scoffed at reports that other cable news outlets had eclipsed his network once and for all, throwing down this gauntlet: We are going to win May sweeps with Hurricane Katrina.
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/04/cnn-quits-breaking-news-becomes-cnn-classic.html?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20%28110%29
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CNN Quits Breaking News, Becomes “CNN Classic” breaking tale from Andy Borowitz (Original Post)
Mira
Apr 2013
OP
Haven't watched CNN for a long time. Watch it a little during election and quit again
JackN415
Apr 2013
#6
I actually wouldn't mind an hour dedicated to past news coverage. Remember the old world players,
bloomington-lib
Apr 2013
#15
malaise
(269,054 posts)1. Freaking perfect
Mira
(22,380 posts)2. I mostly really like Borowitz
this one made me laugh so hard some of the paint cracked on the wall.
malaise
(269,054 posts)3. No paint cracking here but I'm cracking up
rocktivity
(44,576 posts)4. Foo-kin-bee-YOOO-tee-ful!
rocktivity
scarletwoman
(31,893 posts)5. I love Andy Borowitz!
Most of time he's so spot on, it's scary!
JackN415
(924 posts)6. Haven't watched CNN for a long time. Watch it a little during election and quit again
Cirque du So-What
(25,943 posts)7. If the news isn't broken already
CNN will find a way to break it. This is perhaps the best Borowitz I've ever read.
pangaia
(24,324 posts)9. Is that really Wolfie? Gosh..
Coyotl
(15,262 posts)10. LOL. Wolf Blitzer "will continue to be a big part of our past.”
calimary
(81,322 posts)11. Andy Borowitz!!!!
I LOVE his stuff!
abq e streeter
(7,658 posts)12. Borowitz is on a roll even for him
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)13. Asked to confirm or deny, CNN said, "Too close to call"
itsrobert
(14,157 posts)14. and "something is going on, but we don't know what it is"
n/t
daleanime
(17,796 posts)17. But we'll have to leave it there.
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)18. Right after Wolf finds out if readers of the column detected an accent
bloomington-lib
(946 posts)15. I actually wouldn't mind an hour dedicated to past news coverage. Remember the old world players,
past problems of the day, and how we dealt with them. A lot of those issues are the same ones showing up today.
Dan Ken
(149 posts)16. One of his best EVER!!!
Yes, I think it's time for CNN to give up on the news and become the new "RECENT HISTORY" channel.. using clips from the other networks, of course.........CNN missed accurate reporting since 1991, on all of this.