They do tend to lump us together, or try to pretend that they confused us for someone else when we finally pin them to the wall. But the process of calling them out is an emotional journey.

While I was in the store, there were little zingers that just kept piling up. It's true what they say. The way to boil a frog is to raise the temperature slowly. By the time I was convinced that I was racially profiled I was already walking out the door. The final punch was: "Is this what you and your girlfriends do? Collect gold and sell it?"

I went home feeling like something terrible had gone wrong during the transaction and that I had been cheated in the amount of money I was given. But I didn't know enough about the process to understand what I could have done differently. That night I went through the web looking for a list of what qualified as a "normal" transaction. As I gathered information I realized how vulnerable minorities are when they have no resources or contacts to rely on to understand something, like a gold sale, which they will only encounter once in their lifetime. We just have to hope that our first encounters are with honest people.

Well, I did finally find what I was looking for and realized that none of the "normal" practices were followed at the jewelers. The scales were not calibrated in front of me, the gold was not weighed in front of me. I didn't even get a copy of the itemized list of the jewelry I gave up.

So I called the next day and told the jeweler I wasn't happy with the exchange, but I wasn't calling to ask for anything. I accepted that I had made the decision and I owned up to it, but I told her the customer review I was planning to write for the internet. I included the failure to calibrate the scale.

She immediately went into defense mode, ending up with, "Well, you jumped when you realized you were going to get finger printed."

That's when it all came out. "That's because you were racially profiling me. You were hitting all the buttons and I did everything I could to control my emotions to get through it."

Anyway, two hours later she called back. "Well, you came late in the day and I hadn't noticed that someone had changed the scale to penny weights. We owe you another $532.00." In the end, she said that she thought I was another customer who had the same name as I did.

Really? I was emotionally spent. It took me a week to shake it off.

I'd be livid too.

It's funny how some people will not understand the emotional toll of racism, until you can put it in monetary terms.

so when I decided to date/get engaged and marry a man of a different race, I was ready for them. I rejected them for being racists. I don't speak to two of my siblings but it's not about the man I married. It's because I voted for the BLACK guy instead of their bible thumping hypocrite candidate. They disowned me so f* 'em. I don't miss them and will forever stand by my morals of accepting everyone, no matter what color their skin. I'm sorry to hear about your experience and I'm thrilled that they came clean. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call to get justice in this society. Way to go. Happy endings make my day!

I've never been in a situation that was anything like that, but I can't imagine that I'd have handled it with anything like your tact and restraint.

I suspect that a lot of businesses "hit all the buttons" as you describe specifically to elicit a hostile reaction so that they can then claim that the victim "got aggressive" or some other bullshit like that.

I'm glad that you got the $532 that they owed you, but I hate that people have to go through what you endured!


Thank you for sharing your story.

That's means a lot.

I don't think people realize how much self-restraint minorities have to subject themselves to in order to "fit" into society. When I confide my frustrations to trusted people they claim I should speak my mind. But the truth is, if we did try to express our opinions in casual conversation, the people we're talking to wouldn't be able to handle it. The few times I did speak up it ended relationships. So, when it comes to in-law situations I tend to avoid the conversations that will just make things more stressful on my husband.

When people say that we should speak our minds, what they really mean is that we should express ourselves without revealing the perspectives that comes with being a member of a minority group. And there is absolutely nothing more frustrating than to explain your personal cross to someone and have them relay someone else's health problem to show how other people have it much worse. That resolves nothing. In fact, it's just another effort to suppress an opinion that they do not want to hear.

They deserve to have their faces exposed...but of course you might have been arrested for 'threatening' them. Assholes....

Makes rules and then bend them for white people. I've seen it countless times. They can then hide behind the "rule." This guy's smugness tells us it's his pitiful victory in a sea of what he probably thinks is equality run amuck.

examples of human excrement!

I'm a white male, and one of the least-threatening-looking people you could ever meet, but I've had more than one encounter with one of these bullies that just needed someone to push around.

I can only imagine how some of these guys act when it comes to "evaluating" a woman or anyone who doesn't happen to be white.